I Can’t Get No Satisfaction: Samia Estrada of Dignus Wellness On Why So Many Of Us Are Feeling…

I Can’t Get No Satisfaction: Samia Estrada of Dignus Wellness On Why So Many Of Us Are Feeling Unsatisfied & What We Can Do About It

An Interview With Drew Gerber

Mindfulness is the practice of paying attention, on purpose, to internal and external experiences as they are happening, on purpose and without judgement.

From an objective standpoint, we are living in an unprecedented era of abundance. Yet so many of us are feeling unsatisfied. Why are we seemingly so insatiable? What is going on inside of us that is making us feel unsatisfied? What is the brain chemistry that makes us feel this way? Is our brain wired for endless insatiable consumption? What can we do about it? In this interview series, we are talking to credentialed experts such as psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, brain science experts, as well as spiritual and religious leaders, and mind-body-spirit coaches, to address why so many of us are feeling unsatisfied & what we can do about it.

As a part of this series, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Dr. Samia Estrada.

Samia Estrada, PsyD is a clinical psychologist who focuses on health and happiness. She has worked with a wide range of patients including adults, children, and families who have experienced trauma, chronic pain, severe mental illness, and couples hoping to improve their relationships. She has taught health practices internationally, and contributed to articles, newsletters, and book chapters on a wide range of topics. These days, Dr. Estrada continues to work with clients in a hospital setting, where she has implemented positive psychology and happiness classes, as well as in her private practice, and she also offers national and international retreats to those interested in learning new ways of improving their physical and mental health while incorporating awe-filled experiences.

Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive in, our readers would love to know how you got from “there to here.” Inspire us with your backstory!

When I was just an infant, my mother and I moved to Mexico to live with my maternal grandparents. It was a wonderful life living in a multigenerational home with aunts, uncles, cousins. I went to the same small private school from pre-K through 5th grade, a school I loved, with the same classmates year after year. However, I wanted to get to know my father, who still lived in the U. S., so my mother and I moved back when I was 10 years old. At that point, I had to learn the English language, as I had only been taught Spanish at home, and the English I learned in school was very basic. Let’s just say, it was a struggle for me. I had to spend a lot of time in English as a second language classes and missed out on key moments in the main classroom. For various reasons, we moved around a lot, and I attended a different school every year from 5th grade until the end of high school. I married and had kids young, and it wasn’t until later in life that I attended college. However, I believe that all the struggles I had growing up, including having to learn a new language, learning a new culture, missing the family and friends that I left behind in Mexico, moving and changing schools frequently, and many more, led me to be a more empathetic person.

In college, I was always interested in psychology and, despite trying a couple other majors at first, the classes I always enjoyed most were psychology classes. Something about how our brain works and how we behave as human beings is just fascinating to me, so needless to say, I finally chose Psychology as my major and never looked back. I think having some life experience helps in this career, to some degree you can relate to people better. Over the years, as I’ve worked with people of all walks of life, I’ve discovered that my passion is in helping people achieve the life they want by focusing on lifestyle changes and happiness factors, rather than focusing on illness. Most of the ailments we experience can be prevented or reversed by making lifestyle changes, and it makes me happy to share this information with others so they can live their best life.

What lessons would you share with yourself if you had the opportunity to meet your younger self?

When I was younger, as most of us do in adolescence, I worried a lot about what people thought about me. I think that, for that same reason, I was also very independent. I wanted to prove to the world I could do anything that I set my mind to. I still feel very empowered and independent in a lot of different ways, but if I could share something with my younger self, it would be that not everyone is going to like certain aspects of myself, or agree with me all the time, and that’s ok. If we all liked exactly the same things and always agreed on everything, this world would be boring and stagnant. The people who push you and challenge you can sometimes be the ones that help you grow and step outside of your comfort zone. My advice; don’t be so quick to dismiss the people that judge or criticize, or too quick to feel bad about yourself. We are learning and growing every day of our lives and we might just need to hear those things to push us to do greater things. The other thing I would say to myself is to lend a hand and take a hand. It’s great to be independent, but it can be a much easier and more rewarding path when you walk it alongside someone else. As humans, we are wired to be interconnected, and even just being in the presence of others can make us feel happier and more fulfilled. Imagine how much better we can function when we are happy and fulfilled instead of stressed and overworked.

None of us are able to experience success without support along the way. Is there a particular person for whom you are grateful because of the support they gave you to grow you from “there to here?” Can you share that story and why you are grateful for them?

My husband is my rock! He has supported my dreams and aspirations from day one. As I mentioned earlier, I stated my schooling later in life, already having three children. Graduate school was demanding. My husband took care of a lot of my share of the household and parenting chores so that I could go to school, complete assignments, and study. He made sure I had what I needed and helped me in every way he could. I have a vivid memory of when I was writing up my dissertation, late nights inputting the codes into the statistics software, both of us already exhausted from our long days, and him dictating to me the numbers 0, 1, 0, 1, 0, 0, 1… for hours. Any time I’ve had a predicament, he finds a solution, I don’t know how he does it. To this day he continues to support my every idea and effort. He is currently building my mobile office as we speak.

Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think it might help people?

I am. I have been focusing more on lifestyle and how to improve our everyday life by focusing on the six pillars of lifestyle medicine, which are nutrition, physical activity, sleep, stress management, avoidance of risky substances and positive social connections. With that in mind, I have created amazing retreats that can combine learning more about how to integrate these six pillars into our lives, while at the same time engaging in amazing travel experiences that will provide the awe that we so desperately want and need in our life. It is a very exciting and fulfilling project.

Ok, thank you for sharing your inspired life. Let’s now talk about feeling “unsatisfied”. In the Western world, humans typically have their shelter, food, and survival needs met. What has led to us feeling we aren’t enough and don’t have enough? What is the wiring? Or in other words, how has nature and nurture played into how humans (in an otherwise “safe and secure” environment) experience feeling less than, or a need to have more than what is needed for basic survival?

There are, of course, a lot of systems and societal norms at play that contribute to this feeling of being “less than.” We can think about inequality, oppression, societal norms, and many other factors that can have an enormous impact on a person’s experience of happiness or life satisfaction. However, sometimes, even having accounted for those factors, all things being equal, there are people who just seem to have an easier time feeling happy and satisfied with their life. So, what is the difference? How is it that someone can feel miserable while dinning at a 5-star restaurant in a magnificent location, while someone else could be simply having a wonderful time doing a routine task such as cleaning the house? It turns out that there are various factors at play when it comes to happiness and life satisfaction. Happiness is said to be affected by genes (40–50%), life circumstances (approximately 10%), and the other 40–50% is by the actions we take. That is really exciting news because it means we can really change courses by incorporating certain activities into our routine.

How are societies different? For example, capitalistic societies trade differently than communists. Developed nations trade differently than developing nations. In your opinion, how does society shape a human’s experience and feelings of satisfaction?

There are differences in life satisfaction depending on various factors. For example, when comparing collectivist communities, in other words those which have more focus on the group vs. the individual, and individualist communities, those giving more emphasis to the individual accomplishments vs. the benefit to the group, we find differences in life satisfaction. In a study done in Italy by Martella & Maass (2000), not surprisingly, they found that people who were unemployed had lower life satisfaction. However, these results were less pronounced in communities that were more collectivist (south Italy) than those that were more individualistic (northern Italy). There was also a difference depending on how individuals used their time, those who were more organized and used their time wisely had less effect on their life satisfaction, despite being unemployed. Similarly, a in research comparing individualistic culture (United States) and collectivist culture (China), Tsai & Kimel (2021) found that those who were from the collectivist culture had more of a mediating effect from their pro social behavior, such as giving emotional support, thus enhancing their life satisfaction. Similarly, Goodwin & Hernandez Plaza (2000) found that collectivists (Spaniards) had more global and family support that contributed to higher self-esteem and more life-satisfaction than their individualist counterparts (British).

When it comes to income, the perceived equalities/inequalities can also have an effect on life satisfaction. There are inconsistencies in the literature in relation to income and life satisfaction, but one aspect that appears to be a little more clear is that, when there is income inequality, there seems to be greater life satisfaction when the opportunity for social mobility is present (Alesina et al., 2004).

There are a number of factors that can make an impact on our level of happiness, things such as gratitude, self-care, kindness, compassion to self and others, and more. In a research study from Turkey, Dumludag et Al. (2016) found that life satisfaction was affected more, in a negative way, by having lower income than expected, than how much it was affected positively, by making higher income than expected. In another study about income, done by Schneider (2012), the perception of income inequality is a factor influencing social well-being. In other words, the more pressure and expectation there is in a person’s life to “do well,” and the less that person feels able to do so, the less life satisfaction they have. On the other hand, when there’s less expectation to do well, perhaps due to being part of a culture that values the collective group instead of the individual achievements, and the more social mobility available, the greater the life satisfaction.

With a specific focus on brain function, how has the brain and its dominion over the body and beliefs been impacted by the societal construct?

Aside from the social systems and social constructs we’ve talked about, there are three factors that get in the way of our happiness. The first is what is called hedonic adaptation. This is a factor that Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky wrote about in 2011, that refers to the way a person’s happiness (or other positive or negative emotions) can temporarily increase when there is a big event in life, say getting married, getting, a promotion, winning the lottery, but then returns to baseline within 3–6 months. It is not a lasting happiness (or emotion). The second is a person’s ability to hold on to the negative things that have happened to us, for example when someone cuts you off on the road, far longer than to the positive things that happen to us (Baumeister et al., 2001). This is believed to be more of a survival mechanism in our brain. Let’s say for example that I’m going to cross the street. If I am more positive in my thinking, “the cars will probably stop for me,” I have a higher likelihood of crossing when cars are coming and being hit. However, if I am more negative in my thinking, “the cars probably won’t stop,” then I am less likely to cross when cars are coming and to survive. However, this negative thinking is not always helpful, and it can keep us stuck. It takes a little more work to achieve happiness by way of making the extra effort to also hold on to the positive aspects of our life. This can be done, for example, by engaging in optimism and gratitude. The third factor that sometimes gets in the way is our genes and life circumstances. About 40–50% of our happiness is based on our genes, 10% life circumstances and factors, and the last 40–50% is based on what activities and practices we do (Lyubomirsky, 2005). This is why, regularly practicing activities that contribute to happiness can have such a beneficial effect. Doing so engages the left side of the brain, which generally lights up with more positive emotions such as happiness, joy, love, empathy, while the right side generally activates with negative emotions such as anger, sadness, contempt, etc. The more we activate that right side of the brain, the easier it becomes for our brain to activate the left side. Neuroplasticity works in our favor; when we do something over and over again, we strengthen that connection, and we facilitate it’s use.

Do you think the way our society markets and advertises goods and services, has affected people’s feelings of satisfaction? Can you explain what you mean?

According to Anna J Vredeveld (2021), there is a negative correlation between materialism and life satisfaction, meaning the more materialism, the less life satisfaction. However, marketing and advertising continue to encourage consumers to purchase the latest gadget, own the latest model of a car or SUV, and they also have many more ways than before of engaging the customer. Whereas before we may have only seen commercials on TV, billboards, or heard them on the radio, nowadays advertisements are everywhere, on tv, radio, billboards, trash cans, benches, social media, and even our most cherished influencers are pushing products.

How is the wiring of the brain, body, and beliefs shaped by marketing, language, and how humans trade?

Social media addiction has grown exponentially, and with that, so has social media advertising and marketing. Not only does social media and other marketing avenues affect the levels of materialism, but also grow a wide divide between how consumers look and how they believe they should look (thinner, taller, whiter smile, straighter hair, curlier hair, longer lashes, different nose, etc). This dissatisfaction with physical appearance increases mental illness and decreases Life satisfaction, leaving people feeling deflated and unhappy with their life.

I work in marketing so I’m very cognizant of this question. In your opinion, how do you think marketing professionals can be more responsible for how their advertising shapes humans’ health and experience of happiness overall?

I believe it’s important to be real. Too much marketing nowadays is focused on an image that can’t be attained. For example, altering photographs and videos with filters and other editing formats, it portrays people, in a very realistic way, looking flawless and incredibly beautiful. To impressionable minds, this is an image they will never be able to achieve for themselves, then becoming a source of distress. We have come far, now using “real” bodies for advertisements and even having anatomically correct Barbie dolls, but we still have a long way to go.

For you personally, if you have all your basic needs met, do you feel you have enough in life?

I do! In my life, I’ve had my share of ups and downs, but everyday I find joy in the experiences I have and the people with whom I spend time. Sometimes it is doing something more exciting, others it is a more routine task, but I try to always be present and grateful.

Okay, fantastic. Here is the main question of our interview: Can you share with our readers your “5 things we can each do to address the feeling of not having enough.” Please share a story or example for each.

Of course, that’s an excellent question and, fortunately, there are some things that we can do to improve our feeling of satisfaction.

1. Take care of your body.

• You tend to feel better and think more clearly when your body feels good. I’m fact, when our body is healthy, we are better able to appreciate other aspects of our life. You can take better care of our body in many different ways, but here are some examples that might be helpful;
• Physical activity
• When you are physically active, your body increases the production of endorphins, a feel-good hormone, increases levels of energy, and contributes to better sleep.
• There are various ways of increasing physical activity by doing things you enjoy, such as going for walks, swimming, playing soccer, doing yoga or chair yoga, dancing, etc. Have fun with it and physical activity will never be a chore. Recently I’ve started hiking, which I love, but my preferences have changed over time. At one point I bought a $1.99 badminton set from a drug store and had badminton matches with my husband and kids every evening. It was a great way for the family to spend time together and engage in a fun physical activity. Don’t be afraid to try something new. Exercising in nature, or “green exercise” as it is called, is even more beneficial. So, if you live near a park or can be in nature while being physically active, take advantage of the extra benefits.
• Nutrition
• The chemical exchanges that happen in our brain in relation to what we eat, have a direct impact in the neurotransmitters in our brain, meaning that our mood can be affected by the consumption and/or deficiency of certain nutrients. Eating regularly can also help ward off irritability caused by hunger. Additionally, having a healthful diet helps to reduce inflammation, which is key to improving mood and mental health. As you eat a diet that is more balanced, you have less spikes and crashes due to processed foods and other foods that don’t meet the needs of your body. In general, a more healthful diet contributes to having less degenerative disease as we age, allowing us to live a longer, healthier, and happier life.
• Even small changes can make a big difference; eating regularly, reducing the consumption of processed foods, or eating a more plant-based diet can be helpful steps toward a happier and more satisfying life.
• Sleep
• Sleep helps our emotions to be in balance, increases our ability to focus, reduces irritability, and helps us to avoid fatigue. Lack of sleep affects our evaluation of emotional stimuli, meaning that, when we are sleep deprived, we tend to see things in a more negative light.
• There are many factors that can affect our sleep, such as eating, using electronic devices (TV, phone, tablet, computer), or exercising too close to bedtime, having caffeine too late in the day, being too warm, too much light or noise in the environment, and more. To improve your sleep, make sure you have enough sleep, notice which factors might be contributing to poor sleep, dim the lights later in the day and open window coverings early in the day. Our body needs to know when it’s daytime and when it’s nighttime. Another helpful activity can be watching the sunset or watching a sunrise, this helps reset our internal clock. If you continue having difficulty sleeping, it may be best to see a professional for more personalized advice.
• Avoid Risky Substances
• Having risky substances, such as drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, or vaping can alter mood, can cause pesky withdrawal symptoms, and can disrupt relationships.
• There are many ways to abstain or reduce the use of these substances. If you need help, don’t hesitate to ask a professional for advice.
• Stress Management
• Stress contributes to a more negative view of life. When stress is better managed, not only does it reduce negative affect and improve coping, but it also allows you to think more clearly, be better able to be in the moment, and have more life satisfaction.
• It is difficult, if not impossible, to get rid of stress. However, what is possible, is learning a better way for the body to manage that stress. Stress management techniques, among others can include breathing exercises, meditation, guided imagery, and mindfulness. Each one has its own benefits, but what can be more important is consistency. When we do something over and over we engage our brain in something called neuroplasticity. The connection that is made in our brain each time you engage in relaxation strengthens with repetition, thus making it easier each time for our body to activate the relaxation response.

2. Engage in gratitude.

• Gratitude refers to the appreciation of the things that others do for us and also the appreciation of the positive things that happen in our everyday lives.
• Engaging in gratitude decreases levels of stress, increases levels of happiness and self esteem, improves relationships, and is associated with greater life and relationship satisfaction.
• Gratitude can be easy and fun to do, for example;
• Each night, write 3 good things that happened that day. Keep it fresh by not repeating anything you already said. It might look a little something like this; 1. The grocery store clerk gave me a bright, honest smile on a hectic morning, my dog cuddled up next to me just when I was getting a little chilly, I was able to see the sunset this evening.
• Start a gratitude journal, writing in a journal 3–7 times per week is a great way to engage in gratitude. It also provides you with a written record, that you can review anytime, of the wonderful things you’ve experienced.
• Join or start a social media gratitude challenge. They can be fun and keep you accountable for posting.
• Get a buddy and share each other’s gratitude. Sharing gratitude with someone else adds to the fun and benefit of practicing gratitude.

3. Connect with others.

• Humans are wired for connection. It is no coincidence that the people who tend to live a longer life, our centenarians, are also those who maintain the strongest connections. Maintaining connections in our lives is very important for wellbeing and contributes to improved life satisfaction.
• Connection is associated with greater life satisfaction; it fosters resilience, promotes wellness, improved physical and mental health, positive emotions, and increase in self-esteem. Helps to be better able to adapt to stress, calms the stress-response system, lower risk of illness, and contributes to longevity and healthy aging. When you connect with others, your brain makes connections (synapses) and releases neurotransmitters such as dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin, which are the feel-good chemicals in our body.
• Some ways to strengthen connections are:
• Make connection a priority, whenever possible, choose face to face interactions.
• Put your phone away! Research shows that even just having a phone silently sitting on the table while having a conversation with someone can make the other person feel unheard or unimportant.
• Don’t wait for others to connect with you, life gets in the way for everyone. Feel free to call someone just to say hello or schedule a visit “just because.”
• If you don’t have many connections nearby, join a club or start your own, take a class, go out and talk to a stranger. You never know who might end up being your new best friend.

4. Practice mindfulness

• Mindfulness is the practice of paying attention, on purpose, to internal and external experiences as they are happening, on purpose and without judgement.
• Mindfulness has been found to be related to life satisfaction. Those who practice mindfulness regularly tend to report more life satisfaction. Generally speaking, when the practice of mindfulness is increased, wellbeing increases too, and the way we think about ourselves also tends to become more positive with regular mindfulness practice. Mindfulness reduces pestering rumination and creates conditions that allow for contemplation and problem-solving.
• To engage in mindfulness, try the following;
• Mindfulness of the breath. As you breathe in and out, focus on what sensations you are experiencing, the temperature of the air, the feeling in your nostrils, the expansion of your lungs, etc.
• Mindfulness of the senses. Take some time to notice, in detail, the things that you can see (focusing on colors, shapes, size, texture, etc), the things you can hear, smell, taste, and touch (i.e., your clothes, the floor, the chair, a breeze touching your skin).
• Try practicing mindfulness during some of the activities that are normally done on autopilot (i.e., walking, eating, driving, showering, etc).

5. Incorporate more moments of awe into your life.

• Awe is an emotional response that allows us to grow in our own belief of self and our world. It happens when we experience something vast, something not immediately understood, larger than us, such as witnessing a beautiful sunset, seeing Niagara Falls, or watching a spider weave its web.
• Awe has been shown to contribute to more feelings of joy and pride, of belonging to something larger than yourself, of connecting with others, and at the same time, reducing the focus on self, distress, anxiety, and depression.
• Ways in which you can incorporate awe into your life include travel, music, movement, nature, architecture, and art, among others. Seeing a beautiful starry night, reveling in the wonder of the ocean life, feeling amazed by the complexity of detail of a building, seeing an incomparable piece of art, or listening to an incredible music piece. Awe can be found near and far, you don’t need to have money or necessarily go to a specific place, awe can happen right in front of us.

Here’s a fun video you can watch of the 5 things mentioned above: https://youtu.be/Fi9uPnAajeU

Do you have any favorite books, podcasts, or resources that have inspired you to live with more joy in life?

I have a book addiction (chuckles)! Some of my favorites are:

• Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being by Martin Seligman.
• Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear and Penguin Audio.
• The Survivors Club: The Secrets and Science that Could Save Your Life by Ben Sherwood.
• Younger Next Year by Chris Crowley and Henry S. Lodge M.D.
• Fierce Self-Compassion: How Women Can Harness Kindness to Speak Up, Claim Their Power, and Thrive by Kristin Neff, Jean Ann Douglass, et al.
• Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience by Brené Brown.
• The Nature Fix: Why Nature Makes Us Happier, Healthier, and More Creative by Florence Williams, Emily Woo Zeller, et al.

There are just so many great books, it’s hard to narrow them down. I also really enjoy the Berkeley’s Greater Good website and podcasts.

You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂

I believe this kind of information should start when we are young. I wish there were more programs or curriculums at schools that could deliver this information to kids, so they can get an early start at making lifestyle choices that can improve physical and mental health and increase their level of happiness and life satisfaction. I believe they could be more self-assured and satisfied and then grow up to eventually be role models for their own children as well.

What is the best way for our readers to continue to follow your work online?

Probably the best way is to go to my website at www.DignusWellness.com, there you can also find links to my social media accounts. Anyone interested can like and follow DignusPsych for more tips and information.

This was very inspiring. Thank you so much for the time you spent on this. We wish you only continued success.

About The Interviewer: For 30 years, Drew Gerber has been inspiring those who want to change the world. Drew is the CEO of Wasabi Publicity, Inc., a full-service PR agency lauded by PR Week and Good Morning America. Wasabi Publicity, Inc. is a global marketing company that supports industry leaders, change agents, unconventional thinkers, companies and organizations that strive to make a difference. Whether it’s branding, traditional PR or social media marketing, every campaign is instilled with passion, creativity and brilliance to powerfully tell their clients’ story and amplify their intentions in the world.

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I Can’t Get No Satisfaction: Samia Estrada of Dignus Wellness On Why So Many Of Us Are Feeling… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.