I Can’t Get No Satisfaction: Heather Jones On Why So Many Of Us Are Feeling Unsatisfied & What We Can Do About It
An Interview With Drew Gerber
Journaling can be a very powerful tool. Beyond the gratitude journaling, it could be really helpful to ponder the thought and emotion it’s happening around that feeling of lack.
From an objective standpoint, we are living in an unprecedented era of abundance. Yet so many of us are feeling unsatisfied. Why are we seemingly so insatiable? What is going on inside of us that is making us feel unsatisfied? What is the brain chemistry that makes us feel this way? Is our brain wired for endless insatiable consumption? What can we do about it? In this interview series, we are talking to credentialed experts such as psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, brain science experts, as well as spiritual and religious leaders, and mind-body-spirit coaches, to address why so many of us are feeling unsatisfied & what we can do about it.
As a part of this series, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Heather Jones.
Heather Jones is a native New Yorker who now resides in Alabama with her wonderful husband and two beautiful children. She’s a life longer lover of books, animals, and creating. Heather is a certified life and somatic coach, who has taken the long route with many exciting endeavors on her way here, but ultimately fell inlove with helping others to reach their full potential.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive in, our readers would love to know how you got from “there to here.” Inspire us with your backstory!
A lot of life had to happen for me to arrive to where I am today, but the rundown is at 18 I joined the Army, served 6+ years, met my husband, and after serving a final tour in Iraq I exited the military. Early on I studied baking and pastry arts which I didn’t pursue as a career, but happily implements in my own kitchen for the benefit of my friends and family. I entered the entrepreneurial world officially as an Etsy shop owner and over time, while enjoyable, realized there was something more I wanted to do and that is when I found my passion to inspire and empower others. That is where I found life coaching.
What lessons would you share with yourself if you had the opportunity to meet your younger self?
For me, perfectionism runs deep, so I would share that perfectionism stems from a fear. Knowing that, don’t let the fear drive. It will take you in the wrong direction, or worse have you sitting in park instead of following the road to personal success. Get curious about the fear and find out what it is really trying to protect you from, then work overcome that fear!
None of us are able to experience success without support along the way. Is there a particular person for whom you are grateful because of the support they gave you to grow you from “there to here?” Can you share that story and why you are grateful for them?
I almost don’t want to answer this because I am blessed to be a person who has been surrounded by the love and support of many over the years, so it’s hard to just choose one person. That said, if I have to point out 1 person it would be my husband. Never once has he told me I shouldn’t try something. He comforts me when things don’t go well, cheers for me when they do, and stays out of my way so I can push full throttle into my current endeavor.
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think it might help people?
I am, as a matter of fact. Currently I am building a confidence course for women. It is a 12 week course to help women rediscover their passions and take bold, confident action into pursuing those passions. I think that having this course available will help so many. While it is created for women, the impact those women will have on others is immeasurable. Just image how a confident, self-assured woman shows up in this world, and how she could impact others from that state of being. Her energy would be magnetic and while leading by example, she’d set an amazing tone for those around her.
Ok, thank you for sharing your inspired life. Let’s now talk about feeling “unsatisfied”. In the Western world, humans typically have their shelter, food, and survival needs met. What has led to us feeling we aren’t enough and don’t have enough? What is the wiring? Or in other words, how has nature and nurture played into how humans (in an otherwise “safe and secure” environment) experience feeling less than, or a need to have more than what is needed for basic survival?
I absolutely believe that there is a solid neurological reason that so many of us feel unsatisfied despite all that we already have, and that much of that points back to the society we live in today. We are led to believe that we need the newest tech, we should be doing such and such things with our kids, in their schools, with our time, etc. Everyone has an opinion on what we should be doing with our time, and in order to fit in, many of us are trying to keep up with the rat race.
What I think it really comes down to, though, is that we are constantly seeking outside satisfaction. We look outwardly to bring in moments of happiness in the form of new things, consumption of funny Tiktok videos, or quick hits of dopamine from the likes and comments we get on our posts. Those things wear off quickly, though. We seek to do the things that others are doing so we can be accepted as part of that crowd, but are those the things we truly want to be doing? Not likely.
Not nearly enough people are spending time with themselves these days. Even when we’re alone, we aren’t truly. We still have our phones. Having a quiet mind no longer brings moments of peace, but instead boredom. If we could get back to who we are at the core, we could learn what brings us true happiness. To get there we need to disconnect occasionally, quiet the mind, and to reflect on what brings us lasting joy. For deep reflection, I suggest journaling for my clients.
How are societies different? For example, capitalistic societies trade differently than communists. Developed nations trade differently than developing nations. In your opinion, how does society shape a human’s experience and feelings of satisfaction?
I believe that many people think society sets the standard. So, if the average of the society is doing or saying something, then that is likely what becomes the norm. Then it follows that if something is seen as the norm, saying or doing things a different way puts you on the outside. So what do most people do? Conform to the standards that society has created. In doing so they don’t become the outcasts, but they also aren’t being true to themselves and are left feeling unsatisfied. For example, in a society where education for women isn’t the standard, the women may feel deep down inside that they are meant for more, but pursuing that would be to step outside of the norm. Of course, sadly there are extreme repercussions in some societies, but that’s the idea there.
Do you think the way our society markets and advertises goods and services, has affected people’s feelings of satisfaction? Can you explain what you mean?
To some degree, I do think that a society’s marketing and advertising impacts us. To be clear, I think it’s more than this, but to this point, we are constantly bombarded with the newest thing and why it’s better than the last thing. So, if it’s better are we to believe that we don’t have the best and if not what does that say about us? If the things I have are “less-than” what’s available, is it not good enough? Is the idea that the things I have aren’t good enough also a reflection of me? What do my belongings say to others about who I am? I think those are all things we think about, at least on a subconscious level.
How is the wiring of the brain, body, and beliefs shaped by marketing, language, and how humans trade?
I’m sure there’s some big psychology at play here. I am not a psychologist, a neuroscientist or anything related to either of those fields, but speaking from personal experience I do know that when done right there’s a deep emotional response that takes place. The person experiencing the emotion is likely not consciously aware of what has happened, but it certainly drives behaviors that follow.
I work in marketing so I’m very cognizant of this question. In your opinion, how do you think marketing professionals can be more responsible for how their advertising shapes humans’ health and experience of happiness overall?
In so much of marketing there is a key undertone of shame. Traditionally if you see a woman in a bathing suit for example, she’s likely a very slender woman, with flawless, smooth skin. Hair commercials show women with extremely thick, perhaps long straight hair. Even technology commercials put the “opponent” down, so the viewer may feel less than if they happen to be a supporter of the opposition’s brand. To be completely fair I do think that more and more companies are becoming aware of this and making positive changes, but truly that is just recent. The impact, for someone who has decades of life behind them, has already done damage. When we don’t see ourselves reflected in the actors/actresses, we may wonder if that means that we’re wrong in some way. Are we supposed to be something different — something more like what we see on TV, in magazines, and in various other types of media?
For you personally, if you have all your basic needs met, do you feel you have enough in life?
For the most part, yes, but I will caveat that with I have done an enormous amount of work around personal development. I’ve found that being in nature, for me, gives me a gift of fulfillment that purchasing a product just doesn’t. Still, on a tough day or period of life, that’s no always what life looks like for me, and I do find myself searching for joy by spending money to have new things.
Okay, fantastic. Here is the main question of our interview: Can you share with our readers your “5 things we can each do to address the feeling of not having enough.” Please share a story or example for each.
- Gratitude practices such as journaling.
There’s really no wrong way to do gratitude journaling, but here’s what I would suggest… make it a daily habit. I personally like to incorporate gratitude journaling into the beginning of my day, but I know others who like doing it the end of their day. Find the time of day that you are most likely to keep to the habit. While you’re journaling don’t forget to think about the small things. Yes, having a roof over your head, a car to get you from here to there, having a roof over your head, a car to get you from here to there, and a job so that you can pay your bills are all most definitely worth being grateful for and should certainly be included if those are things that you want to include. Also remember things such as the kind person who helped you at the grocery store, the hot cup of coffee or tea you had this morning, and the warm bed you’re going to crawl into tonight.
2- Journal on the thoughts and emotions around the lack.
Journaling can be a very powerful tool. Beyond the gratitude journaling, it could be really helpful to ponder the thought and emotion it’s happening around that feeling of lack. Some examples of questions that one may journal are:
What would change the feeling of not having enough?
Is it that you don’t have enough, or something else that’s weighing on you and this is just how it’s showing up?
3. Find the opportunity in everything.
This is not to suggest that you view every moment in life as positive. The truth is there are some situations that are just going to be crummy and there’s no getting around that. It is absolutely ok to call the moment out for what it is, if that is what you are feeling. That does not mean, though, that you can’t take something from that situation. Was there a lesson that you learned? Is there some way that it can be improved upon for next time? Through all of the crummy things, was there a hidden gem that was overlooked initially?
4. Give back.
Giving back can be from a financial perspective, or you can donate your time. Find the things that speak to you and donate to them in some way. There is immense reward in knowing that you have contributed to the betterment of someone else. It doesn’t have to be drastic to be impactful for you and also for the recipient. This serves as a solid reminder of what you do have in life, and takes the focus off of what you don’t have or the perception that you don’t have enough.
5. Boldly pursue the things that truly speak to you.
The feeling of lack may be coming from a place inside of you that has been ignored. There may be a desire or a passion that is calling to be explored, but you have continuously overlooked. Allow yourself to pursue the things that speak to you even if they are scary. Pursue those things even if you don’t know what the outcome looks like. Often when we are feeling like we are in lack it is because we have ignored something inside of us that is calling to us. The worse that could happen is nothing like you imagine it to be. Take that bold action.
Do you have any favorite books, podcasts, or resources that have inspired you to live with more joy in life?
I have so many! There’s a book titled The Morning Miracle by Hal Elrod that I highly recommend. He also has a podcast called Achieve your Goals. I find him to be one of the most inspirational people I’ve come across. I also enjoy The Rachel Hollis Podcast. Lastly, The High 5 Habit by Mel Robbins is an outstanding read.
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
I love this question! In real life I chose to work with women because it’s who I best relate to. However, if I could start a movement it would be with children. It would be to educate children on how to always love who they are through self-esteem and confidence building. It would be to arm them with tools they can use throughout their entire lives to always practice self-love. There’s so much behind this. When we reach children at a young age, we nip the lack of self-confidence and self-love in the bud. They don’t spend a lifetime building self-depreciating habits because they are taught the tools to do exactly the opposite of that early on. Also, when people truly love themselves and are good to themselves, they are good to those around them. It is when people are hurting that they lash out at others, but when there’s more love than there is hurt, everyone benefits.
What is the best way for our readers to continue to follow your work online?
I try to show up in as many places as possible, so I can reach and help as many people as possible. Primarily, though, my website is a great place to start https://www.heatherjonescoaching.com/
I’m on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/HeatherJonesCoaching/ and Instagram at http://instagram.com/heather_jones_coaching
I’m also an author so those interested can find my work through my Amazon author page at https://www.amazon.com/author/heatherrozyjones
This was very inspiring. Thank you so much for the time you spent on this. We wish you only continued success.
About The Interviewer: For 30 years, Drew Gerber has been inspiring those who want to change the world. Drew is the CEO of Wasabi Publicity, Inc., a full-service PR agency lauded by PR Week and Good Morning America. Wasabi Publicity, Inc. is a global marketing company that supports industry leaders, change agents, unconventional thinkers, companies and organizations that strive to make a difference. Whether it’s branding, traditional PR or social media marketing, every campaign is instilled with passion, creativity and brilliance to powerfully tell their clients’ story and amplify their intentions in the world. Schedule a free consultation at WasabiPublicity.com/Choosing-Publicity.
I Can’t Get No Satisfaction: Heather Jones On Why So Many Of Us Are Feeling Unsatisfied & What We… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.