LOVE your boy. I never stopped showing up for Lucas or being available to him. We were exceptionally close. But there were so many schools of thought and one of his treatment facilities promoted “tough love”. I know Lucas did not want to be addicted and fought arduously to free himself. Sometimes the drumming in my head ignored that truth and I would become rigid and removed. Had I known then that love is the only way, I might have relieved us both of some pain we experienced during that time.
As a part of our series about “Heroes Of The Addiction Crisis” I had the pleasure of interviewing Nancy Espuche.
Nancy Espuche is a sought-after public speaker, author, and mother who advocates for those living with a loved one’s substance use disorder in the workplace. She brings to light the voice of her beloved son Lucas, his strain, struggle and ultimate death. In her recent memoir, “KardBoard House: My Life-Altering Journey Through Lucas’ Addiction,” Espuche offers the reader a personal view, through Lucas’ and her letters to one another, about 1) the power of addiction, 2) the complexity of the human condition, and the reminder, despite all the love, that 3) no one can chart the course of another’s life no matter how hard they try. She often speaks from her personal experiences of the devastating effect of substance use for both the employee and employer offering solutions for change.
Nancy has been privileged to share her story as the highlighted keynote at the International Employee Assistance Professional conference, the New York City Bar Antitrust Breakfast, the Lawyers Assistance Professional Retreat, Metropolitan State University, and the Chris Wivholm fundraiser in New York City where she, along with Dr Mark Thomas, Director of Neuroscience and Addiction at the University of Minnesota, spoke about addiction’s grip and its devastating effects on all aspects of life. In addition, she was interviewed by Newsweek for an international story on “Drugs, Should They Be Legalized”, the St. Paul Press, and was the guest speaker for Onward Podcast, where she addressed the losses, gains and life lessons learned living with Lucas’ long and arduous battle with opioid addiction. In November she was a presenter at the NY Bar Association, MN bookstores and is partnering again with Dr Mark Thomas to speak on “The Neuroscience of Addiction and the Gift of Hope.”
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Can you tell us a bit of your backstory?
Raised by a gentle hearted, compassionate man, a recognizable sensitivity for the disadvantaged, under privileged and those facing discrimination and malice was witnessed at early age. My Dad, a teacher turned principal in an all-minority school in a section of Brooklyn, NY, was a beloved figurehead who led fiercely with fairness, commitment, and love. My mom, a homemaker till my teen years, aligned with my dad’s principals on right and wrong, good, and evil, imprinting in my heart and mind a moral compass and the importance of virtue to all who deserved our attention. I was drawn to service and touched by the underdog. Bringing home a stray dog, weeping at the sight of a young girl singing “Go Away Little Girl” on a telethon, running from a commercial showing wounded animals, working with the mentally and/or physically handicapped or volunteering at a pediatric hospital unit was in my DNA. I wanted to soften the hurt. When my son Lucas began his descent into drug addiction, connecting with others in a similar plight was both instinctual and critical. Opening my heart to my fellow tribesman was equally important. When my hurt was dismissed at work, I realized that those who were struggling with a loved one’s substance use privately, were also being hurt by the silence, shame and stigma experienced in their workplace. I became keenly aware of the need for the business community to act, get educated, and give attention to those employees who were caught in this scourge. Their employees’ problems were now their problem too. KardBoard House grew from there.
Is there a particular story or incident that inspired you to get involved in your work with opioid and drug addiction?
My journey with my son Lucas who lost his battle with opioid addiction on December 19th, 2016, inspired my work. He was the catalyst for my involvement in the opioid addiction community, sparked by the countless interactions I had with parents living with a loved one’s substance use. Bearing witness to and experiencing the shock and pain that accompanies this journey, I was propelled by a deep desire to do whatever was possible to alleviate another’s suffering along with my own. Coupled with my experience in the workplace. As Lucas’ drug use accelerated, my stamina and ability to continue was dramatically reduced. The compassion and understanding received from management was almost nonexistent and I quickly realized that business leaders must be educated on addiction, its impact on their employees, and ultimately their business. Witnessing the psychological, financial, professional, physical burdens on myself, I knew this must be true for others in the work environment. KardBoard House was created to bring critical attention to organizations of all types when their members are living with the crisis of a loved one’s substance use.
Can you explain what brought us to this place? Where did this epidemic come from?
I have often thought about how we got here. I believe the human species, through all time, has searched for something to fill their soul. Something that will stimulate pleasure or reduce pain and suffering, both physically and psychologically. Throughout history, humankind has used substances to heal, to strengthen, to experience, demonstrated with the use of tobacco, alcohol, and pharmaceuticals. The introduction of opioids changed the playing field. They are highly addictive, working on the neurological system and grabbing hold of many of their users. They aid in the reduction of physical pain, and for many, offer a sense of peace, belonging, and comfort despite the damages that come along. And once addicted, they are very hard to let go of. The paradox… with the advances in modern medicine and technology, we simultaneously live in a society that demands more of us; longer work hours, greater academic pressure, financial competition, mental health challenges. Social media substitutes for real connection and loneliness is its by product. And as more struggle physically and/or emotionally, opioids will continue to ruin lives and families, and kill.
Can you describe how your work is making an impact battling this epidemic?
I hope my work highlights the importance of speaking up and out, encouraging all those living with a loved one’s substance use disorder to reveal their truth and bring to light the stress and strain felt in all aspects of their lives. Through acknowledging the rippling effects of addiction, business leaders can incorporate practices to facilitate change within the professional arena, offering practices, resources, and support to their employees. My goal is to aid in the reduction of the associated stigma and shame, encourage open honest communication, and stimulate change within the corporate community. I believe loved ones are confronted by a social justice discrimination that should now fall under the “inclusivity” umbrella. This is about life and death.
Wow! Without sharing real names, can you tell us a story about a particular individual who was impacted by your initiative?
The gifts received by sharing my story directly, through KardBoard House and my recently published memoir, KardBoard House; My Life-Altering Journey Through Lucas’ Addiction have been vast and significant. Providing strength and hope are some of the remarkable responses I have received from strangers near and far. The one person who has moved me most is a friend of Lucas’, who revealed how Lucas helped him with his opioid addiction and how my work and dedication in honor of my beautiful boy has impacted him. His tenderness, encouragement and support has profoundly touched my heart.
Can you share something about your work that makes you most proud? Is there a particular story or incident that you found most uplifting?
I am most proud that others find my work important and have chosen me to share my story and insight. There are thousands of stories on loss and recovery, and I am astounded by the men and women who have taken their struggle and pay it forward. The opioid epidemic and my particular angle through KardBoard House have unveiled to business and community leaders the magnitude of this scourge and the impact on their employees and community members. My hope is that many will take the steps to be the change leaders in support of their colleagues, friends and employees.
Can you share three things that the community and society can do to help you address the root of this problem? Can you give some examples?
First, we must get educated about addiction. The dialogue still includes the notion that addiction is a moral failing, a lack of will. Although these viewpoints have been diluted as addiction education increases, the dialogue remains amongst those who have walked this path or been impacted by another’s substance use. Educational, community and business leaders can collaborate on guiding their audiences. Second, because there is no one stop shop, it is imperative that we address each person individually; their history, their trauma, their emotional and mental health to identify the best treatment plan. This takes time, resources, and money but I believe that those investments will result in a higher rate of recovery. Lastly, I believe that medically assisted treatment is important for some and should be made more readily available to those whose recovery will benefit from its use.
If you had the power to influence legislation, which three laws would you like to see introduced that might help you in your work?
Legislation is tricky. Some legislation has moved the pendulum but not nearly enough. If I had the power to be influential, I would (1) decriminalize drug addiction and focus on mental health and treatment; (2) encourage every state to open safe houses “for people to consume pre-obtained drugs in controlled settings under the supervision of trained staff and with access to sterile consumption equipment and tools to check their supply for the presence of fentanyl. Participants can also receive health care, counseling, and referrals to health and social services, including drug treatment”; (3) I Push for healthcare coverage for all seeking treatment, always.
I know that this is not easy work. What keeps you going?
Lucas keeps me going. I believe that out of tragedy comes the call to service. And mine is to engage executives and leaders to collaborate with those in need and provide an informed, safe, and compassionate environment and to alleviate, soothe, and support others walking a similar path.
Do you have hope that one day this leading cause of death can be defeated?
I am uncertain if addiction will ever be defeated but I do believe that things can change. We are a complicated species. Addiction is complicated too. Evolving research is being conducted across the globe, neuroscientists are studying the brain and long-term opioid use, those in recovery are sharing their stories of hope and healing. Progress is being made, and we have a long way to go. But I have hope that we will continue to move the pendulum and more so, that we will find compassion and love for one another, two factors critical for healing.
How do you define “Leadership”? Can you explain what you mean or give an example?
Leadership is the artistry an individual or group of individuals has that inspires. It motivates, influences, and unites, often for a common cause for expansion and growth. Dr. Gabor Mate has been influencing the addiction community for decades, speaking about trauma as a main cause of substance use. He has opened the minds and hearts of others to think about addiction differently and not simply as a disease. His global following has aroused doctors, professionals, addiction specialists across continents to look at the connection between trauma and addiction, leading with compassion, influence, and knowledge.
What are your “5 things I wish someone told me when I first started” and why. Please share a story or example for each.
1. This is a long road and addiction recovery does not magically appear. I thought or better hoped that Lucas would experience an awakening in treatment. I learned quickly that was not the case.
2. Relapse is part of recovery. I hoped and prayed that once in treatment, life could resume to what was before drug use started. How very far from reality.
3. Trauma is a leading factor for drug use. Had I known this, I would have better understood the connection between Lucas’ early medical intervention and his drug use.
4. I have work to do. I understood that my thinking and behavior needed adjusting and that the road ahead included lots of soul searching and inquisition. Some of the shifts I needed to make were opposite my natural parental instincts. It was very difficult.
5. LOVE your boy. I never stopped showing up for Lucas or being available to him. We were exceptionally close. But there were so many schools of thought and one of his treatment facilities promoted “tough love”. I know Lucas did not want to be addicted and fought arduously to free himself. Sometimes the drumming in my head ignored that truth and I would become rigid and removed. Had I known then that love is the only way, I might have relieved us both of some pain we experienced during that time.
You are a person of enormous influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
If I could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people I would encourage educational leaders, business executives, and community directors to bring KardBoard House into their organization. The numbers of those living with a loved one’s substance use far exceeds the thousands struggling with the disorder. Many are afraid to ask for help, don’t have resources, or can’t afford to get help. It is our responsibility as community and business leaders to provide resources, guidance, and support to each member of our community.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
My favorite life lesson quote is “The Only Journey is the One Within’’ by Rainer Marie Rilke. I have always been curious about the human mind and spirit. Early on, I came to realize that who we are is often a result of what we learned and witnessed. I learned shortly thereafter that an internal journey is required to create an authentic life, one where we can own our thoughts and feelings and take responsibility for our actions and behaviors. A lifelong exploration. One step, one day at a time.
Is there a person in the world, or in the US whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. 🙂
There is one person I would love to dine with and one I wish I had been able to meet while he was alive.
Jane Goodall, a beautiful woman, and spirit, moves me to my core. Her love and respect for the wild mesmerizes me. She possesses the softest nurturing gentle part of the human soul that I wish I had naturally. I too am an animal lover and have been taken with her and wish I could join her on an excursion for one day.
Eli Wiesel, a profound man, traveled to the deepest and darkest parts of humanity and survived with grace, compassion and love. His work has touched my heart and I would have embraced any time spent with him.
How can our readers follow you on social media?
Readers can follow me on linkedIn.com or kardboardhouse.com. They can also purchase my memoir, KardBoard House: My Life-Altering Journey Through Lucas’ Addiction on Amazon.
This was very meaningful, thank you so much!
How Nancy Espuche Is Helping To Battle One of Our Most Serious Epidemics was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.