Helen Attia Of Kadence On What Mothers Can Do to Heal Emotionally and Physically After a Challenging Childbirth
An Interview With Lucinda Koza
…A manager who can listen: In my case I was keen to work, I just needed to have some flexibility, so having a manager that would take the time to understand my needs, not some blanket “all women who have small children need…” story — given what Kadence does fortunately for me that was more than possible…
Childbirth can be a beautiful yet challenging experience that impacts women both emotionally and physically. The journey to recovery is often filled with unique hurdles and personal growth. We are featuring professionals who have helped moms navigate this journey to share their stories and insights on the steps they use to help people heal emotionally and physically after a challenging childbirth. As a part of this series, I had the pleasure of interviewing Helen Attia
Helen is a People & Customer leader at Kadence, the hybrid working technology for organizations embracing the future of work.. Helen works with senior leaders to get clear on what *really* matters in the way their people work, ahead of the roll out of Kadence’s tech across their organizations.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive in, our readers would love to “get to know you” better. Can you tell us a bit about you and your backstory?
I’d love to. I’m English, a mum of two -a boy of 4 and a girl of almost 2, married to a South African and we’re raising our family in the Netherlands, in Amsterdam. I am hugely passionate about this subject because I went through so much change after having my son and even more since having my daughter and I think that’s a monumental gift — with the right time and support to process it. Which we’ll come on to!
Can you share a bit about your professional background and what led you to work in this field?
I work for a tech company spearheading the change in the way we all work and live — supporting the huge shift post covid to more flexible ways of working and more open ways of leading our teams and organizations.
Part of this huge change that I am so grateful for is the capacity for employees to have human conversations, on real topics such as their pregnancy and childbirth experience, and this not be something we need to pretend never happened(!), but actually be welcomed at work.
After having two children and returning to work a ‘changed mum’, it matters to me deeply that people can be real about their lives, whatever is going on for them, including the monumental changes involved in pregnancy, birth and the parenting journey. (Side note, it actually happens to be good for business when they are real!)
I’m particularly passionate about shining more of a spotlight on mothers’ emotional and physical health having had my own struggles and joys through two beautiful home births and a long road to physical recovery after my daughter, my second child.
What are the first steps you recommend to begin the healing process after childbirth, and how can they help women cope with the initial emotional and physical aftermath?
I’m a huge fan of women taking control of their own destiny where possible during pregnancy and birth, so ahead of time. Really getting connected to the process, their bodies, their wishes for birth as early on as possible. Trauma occurs when we feel completely out of control and helpless. In too many countries there is a medicine-first approach to this very natural of phenomena and it can have a detrimental effect on women’s emotional and physical recovery. There are way too many examples of traumatic experience in childbirth. Having said that, even in cases where we feel completely prepared, things can happen and we need to be able to meet women where they are. Whatever their experience. The first step is having someone, somewhere to talk to and feel supported by along the way.
Did you recommend support from healthcare professionals, family, or community groups during your recovery? If so, how did their involvement contribute to your healing journey?
I’m English but live in Amsterdam in the Netherlands and had both my children here. I felt supported for sure by the midwives who followed my pregnancy and were present at my children’s births but my ‘community’ at the time became my doula, hypnobirthing instructor, antenatal class, other mums and professionals taking a holistic look at the changes that happen emotionally and physically and working with me in my context, not some broad brush support. In Netherlands women get up to a week of ‘kraamzorg’ support in their homes once their baby/’s are born — The Kraamzorg is a professional carer who comes into the home and supports the mother however she needs supporting — with practical help, food, cleaning, taking the bins out(!!), help with the baby but also and in my case, very much emotional support — being able to share some of the things that were going on for me, second time round, when my baby girl was born. This kind of personalized and immediate care has a huge impact on the mother, baby and whole family — but particularly the mother, as in my case I began my process of adjusting to this newly wonderful and at the same time, changed-forever, reality and new life.
Are there any specific practices, such as mindfulness, therapy, or physical exercises, that you think play a significant role in emotional and physical recovery?
Short answer, yes, lots! Mindfulness and meditation helped me in the preparation for birth, slightly more tricky with children present post-birth!!
I personally have been blown away by the far-too-little known ‘Rolfing’ treatment which is a combination of talking therapy and body work — massage / physical therapy. Its incredible what the body holds onto physically when we go through emotional and physical stresses and strains like pregnancy and birth and Rolfing helps release that ‘holding’. I was recommended this as a specific treatment to help with post pregnancy tension in the belly area. Many women feel they cannot shake the pregnant belly despite exercise, Rolfing was a huge help to me as it was a muscle and fascia tension that needed releasing, along with some fear about how I would parent two beautiful beings in this world together and what our future could look like.
Can you please share “5 Things You Need to Heal Emotionally and Physically After a Challenging Childbirth”?
1 . The need to feel completely safe:
I had so much emotion that I needed to release, big feelings of guilt, lots of fear and I needed to feel completely safe with someone actually outside of my immediate family to release it.
2 . Time and space to process emotionally and physically:
It takes time to heal after the huge life events of pregnancy and birth and women need to be supported — resourced, to take that time to process in their own way, for their future physical and emotional health. At the time of writing this my daughter is 20months old and I recognize I still have plenty of healing to do.
3 years is medically still ‘post-partum’ and I think our expectation needs to change a little that everything can and should be completely back to normal as soon as your baby is born. Nothing is ever the same again!
3 . A community who will listen and who understand the phenomenal change that women go through:
Other women, professionals, men who will listen and an understanding employer/manager for me were and continue to be key go my ability to heal.
4 . An employer from the 21st century who doesn’t expect women to pretend nothing’s changed:
This one is a big topic and things are moving in the right direction but truly not fast enough, we’re not animals, despite in too many cases being treated like them.
5 . A manager who can listen:
In my case I was keen to work, I just needed to have some flexibility, so having a manager that would take the time to understand my needs, not some blanket “all women who have small children need…” story — given what Kadence does fortunately for me that was more than possible.
In what ways do you think society is good at supporting a new mother recovering from a traumatic birthing experience?
I don’t know to be very honest. There is support out there but it is down to the women herself to seek it out, that doesn’t feel like the right way around.
In what ways can society improve at supporting new moms recovering from childbirth?
From my own pregnancy and birth experience (because these things are intrinsically linked!) I’d say there are three things:
- Better preparation and education for childbirth, this includes taking at least 3 weeks off work prior to baby coming into the world — I appreciate this is not possible for all women, in some countries at least one month before birth is mandatory.
- More physical and emotional support immediately after birth — Dutch Kraamzorg style, access to therapists to support the emotional and physical journey specifically related to and experienced with post partum.
- An understanding and perhaps better educated workplace.
How have you seen the experience of childbirth and recovery contribute to personal growth in new mothers? Can you share a story that illustrates this transformation?
Birth can be a uniquely empowering experience, but it can also be the opposite. For me growth came in focusing in on my own unique needs in preparing for and going through birthing my son and daughter, really listening to myself, recognizing how much I could trust myself, my body, not buying into some broad brush approach for all mums as to how birth is going to go.. as if any two mums will ever have the same experience, I had a vastly different experience second time around — of course I did, my daughter is a different human being entirely to my son.
So yes, there is something special in accessing that deep listening and then once it’s been accessed it’s there to access and learn to trust forevermore.
How can moms navigate the balance between taking care of their newborn and prioritizing their own healing needs during the postpartum period?
Very difficult question, putting yourself first in this time when your newborn baby needs you more than anyone else makes this tricky. But it’s the start of the rest of your life as a parent and so is crucial to be able to do, but we need help, that access to personalized care that I talked about above would help hugely with the ability to learn how to continue to check in with your own needs.
Wonderful. We are nearly done. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. 🙂?
Michelle Obama. She continues to model being a good human, a mum, a professional, trying to do the best she can whilst not pretending any of it is easy. She also talks about the power of telling your story. No two are ever the same.
If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
Male emotional health movement, because when men can be vulnerable, open up, listen to their own needs, everyone is safer, including themselves, their children, their partners..
How can our readers follow your work online?
I’m earlier on in my ‘work’ on this subject so I’d simply love to connect with your readers via LinkedIn initially, more to come!
Thank you so much for joining us. This was very inspirational.
About the Interviewer: After becoming her father’s sole caregiver at a young age, Lucinda Koza founded I-Ally, a community-based app that provides access to services and support for millennial family caregivers. Mrs. Koza has had essays published in Thought Catalog, Medium Women, Caregiving.com and Hackernoon.com. She was featured in ‘Founded by Women: Inspiration and Advice from over 100 Female Founders’ by Sydney Horton. A filmmaker, Mrs. Koza premiered short film ‘Laura Point’ at the 2015 Cannes Film Festival and recently co-directed ‘Caregivers: A Story About Them’ with Egyptian filmmaker Roshdy Ahmed. Her most notable achievement, however, has been becoming a mother to fraternal twins in 2023. Reach out to Lucinda via social media or directly by email: lucinda@i-ally.com.
Helen Attia Of Kadence On What Mothers Can Do to Heal Emotionally and Physically After a… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.