An Interview With Dr. Carla Marie Manly
Do balance exercises: they build interoception and proprioception. For example, stand on one’s dominant leg — even while brushing one’s teeth. Close one’s eyes while balancing but be near a table to catch oneself if one starts to fall.
Growth is an essential part of life, both personally and professionally. Every day presents an opportunity to learn, evolve, and become better versions of ourselves. But how do we seize these opportunities? How do successful writers, leaders, and influencers ensure they are constantly growing and improving? What daily habits, practices, or mindsets contribute to their continual growth? In this interview series, we are talking to authors, leaders, influencers, and anyone who is an authority about “What We Can Do To Grow Every Day”. As a part of this series, I had the pleasure of interviewing Karen Gross.
Karen Gross is an educator, author of adult and children’s book and a visual artist. A former college president and senior policy advisor to the US Dept. of Education, she currently specializes in trauma and its impact on student learning and psychosocial success, sadly a timely topic in today’s world. Among other activities, she serves as a continuing education instructor at Rutgers School of Social Work and on the Advisor Council for MSIs at Rutgers Graduate School of Education.
Thank you so much for your time! I know that you are a very busy person. Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us your “Origin Story”? Can you tell us a bit about what you do professionally, and what brought you to this specific career path?
I have always said that very little in my life (both professional and personal) was planned. Remarkable doors opened and I walked through; that is the best description of my episodic career. I have been privileged to serve many students and educators in a variety of settings and through a variety of pathways including teaching, writing, workshops, visiting professorships, presence at disaster sites like school and concert shootings and non-profit board membership. One addition: Making art, which I do frequently, became a passion during the Pandemic and serves as a restorative self-care activity to offset my work on trauma. I rarely sell my art; instead I donate it to schools and universities, where lots of it currently hangs. To learn more about my work, my art, my children’s books (some in English and Spanish), peruse my website at www.karengrosseducation.com.
Thank you for all that. Let’s now turn to the main focus of our discussion about Personal Growth. To make sure that we are all on the same page, let’s begin with a simple definition. What does “Personal Growth” mean to you?
For me, personal growth involves the necessity to appreciating that we cannot remain stagnant if we are to continue to feel fulfilled and be able to give back to this precious earth we inhabit. Nothing stays still in our complex world. So, if we do not continue to grow — personally and professionally, we will be unable to become our best selves.
Why do you believe that it’s important to commit to growing every day?
I am an educator who focuses on student growth, essential to insuring that our future will be in good hands. What kind of educator would I be if I did not commit to similar growth in myself? Indeed, I think role modeling is key as an educator; so, if I message and demonstrate growth, that will be messaged to my students, whatever their age and stage. Also, growing keeps me young and since I (like everyone) is aging, I want to continue to grow. My mother is 97 years old (an educator too) and she continues to grow: she’s in a book club; she’s in a movie club; she is in a study group. She’s still role modeling.
What are the key upsides for those who mindfully engage in a journey of personal evolution?
The upsides are many but let me focus on one: hope. If we believe in the future and share in an effort to make it a successful future not just for ourselves but those who follow us, then evolution is key. Hope drives us to evolve.
When we stop evolving in intentional ways, what do you think are the biggest downsides?
To continue from the prior question, if we don’t evolve, we stagnate and we don’t see the future as holding hope. Growth is what allows us to flourish and to improve ourselves and the world in which we live. The common phrase (attributed to many) that service to others is the rent we pay to live on this earth, suggests that we need to keep moving forward doing and giving and growing.
What specific practices, if any, do you have in place to ensure that you don’t become stagnant in life?
I have many practices, some exercised daily, to ensure the absence of stagnation. Let me share several. They all are trying to counter our negative bias, a reflection of how our mind works. In our VUCA world (vulnerable, uncertain, chaotic/changing and anxiety provoking world), I keep a small birch tree on my countertop and some sticky tabs. I post positive feelings and if I have a negative one, I always place a positive one to accompany it. I keep symbols on my counter top: hoptimists, small plastic spring toys that message optimism and a ceramics stone with the word “hope” etched on it. I have pictures of all of this to share if desired. And, I do art, all sorts of art. Most of my art is textured, reflecting life’s richness. I also often use common objects in my art (like thread and buttons and zippers and marbles and pencil erasers and forks (as in silverware). The art is a space for expression; it comes not from the mind per se but from the heart and from inner creativity. That’s just a starter list. Add in exercise and friendships and connections and service to others.
Is there any particular area of your life where you are most committed to growth (e.g., spiritually, professionally, socially, internally, relationally)?
My growth is, I hope, displays intersectionality — I want growth in all aspects of my life. And, growth is not always easy; it makes us confront hard questions and be honest with oneself and one’s past and present.
If you could offer five tips to readers on how to stimulate and perpetuate self-growth, what would they be?
In addition to those reflected in the earlier answer that I do, here are some others:
1 . Do balance exercises: they build interoception and proprioception. For example, stand on one’s dominant leg — even while brushing one’s teeth. Close one’s eyes while balancing but be near a table to catch oneself if one starts to fall.
2 . Use one’s non-dominant hand for various activities. Try tracing one’s dominant hand with one’s non-dominant hand. Then, with the non-dominant hand, fill it in with words or images or squiggles.
3 . Purchase or create feeling toys and fidgets; they help calm the autonomic nervous system. Consider marbles mazes in felt or Kimochis felt feeling blobs that can be placed in a bucket so one can choose one’s mood at a particular moment; dice emoji work for this too.
4 . Read inspiring and/or moving books. One of my favorites: The Boy, The Mole, The Fox and The Horse by Charlie Mackesy. It is gloriously illustrated and can be read in any order — front to back, back to front, middle to end or middle to front. This book contains a myiad of questions, which gets me to the next point.
5 . Ask questions of others and of oneself with regularity. For me, the most influential book providing 5 question sand a bonus question is James Ryan’s book, Wait What? And Life’s Other Essential Questions. His questions guide me every day.
What advice would you give to someone who feels stuck and unsure of how to start their personal growth journey?
I don’t think one can answer this question without knowing more. The answer depends on why one is stuck. Is it because of death or illness? Is it trauma based? Is it about relationships or work? I think that being stuck occurs for complex reasons too, usually not a single factor. As a starter thought: ask yourself why we never keep our New Year’s Resolutions.
Are there any books, podcasts, or other resources that have significantly contributed to your personal growth?
In addition to the above referenced books, I do think there are three books (two of which are deeply engaging and require interaction) that are valuable. Before I turn to them, all of these are books parents can use with children and grandchildren and in workplaces. When I was a college president, I had a lending library on my desk of books I was reading and that were providing me with influence. I’d get several copies and people could just come in and take them. Most times they were not returned but what better thing to steal than a book that moves you.
- The Art of Clean Up: Life Made Neat and Tidy by Ursoius Wehrli.
- Poemotion (any volume) by Takahiro Kurashima
- One Grain of Rice by Demi.
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
Interesting. Yesterday, I was at an event discussing how student debt is affecting student enrollment and degree attainment. During the Q and A, one person (a law student) asked: If you had a magic wand, what educational change would you make? I want to fight that idea that we should focus on magic wands. I used to keep one on my desk when I was a college president and when people wanted something, I’d say: “I do have a magic wand but I don’t believe in magic; I believe in realistic options and opportunities, things we can actually do to make improvement.
So in answer to your question, I would continue a movement I hope I have been a part of already: promoting kindness. We have so much meanness in so many contexts that it is hard to manage. Kindness costs little and does lots. We need to encourage, acknowledge, reward and herald kindness in a wide range of ways. As a wee thought, try this sentence: Meanness curbs Kindness. Read it left to right. Now read it right to left. The latter way is positive and it orients us to the need for positivity and belief that kindness isn’t Quixotic; it is a real idea with possibility. For now. For real.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
There are several ways. I have a website hyperlinked in my bio. I also write lots for Medium; so if one googles Medium and Karen Gross and Education and Trauma, up I will pop.
Thank you so much for sharing these important insights. We wish you continued success and good health!
About The Interviewer: Dr. Carla Marie Manly — clinical psychologist, author, and advocate — is based in Sonoma County, California. In addition to her clinical practice focusing on relationships and personal transformation, Dr. Manly is deeply invested in her roles as podcaster and speaker. With a refreshingly direct and honest approach — plus a dose of humor — Dr. Manly enjoys supporting others in the ever-evolving journey of life. Her novel self-development paradigm builds resilience, emotional intelligence, and self-esteem. Highlighting the importance of loving connection, her work also focuses on helping others create deeply connected and satisfying intimate and social relationships. Working from a transformative model that honors the body-mind-spirit connection, Dr. Manly offers holistic relationship and wellness seminars around the world. An award-winning author, Dr. Manly’s books, The Joy of Imperfect Love, Date Smart, Joy from Fear, and Aging Joyfully highlight her empowering approach and profound expertise. Host of the captivating podcast, Imperfect Love, Dr. Manly offers uplifting guidance on navigating the messy road of life. Her expertise is also regularly cited in media outlets including The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, USA Today, Forbes, Oprah, Newsweek, NBC, HuffPost, Reader’s Digest, Psychology Today, Parade, GQ, Women’s Health, Architectural Digest, Men’s Health, and more.
Growing Every Day: Karen Gross On What We Can Do To Grow Every Day was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.