An Interview With Dr. Carla Marie Manly
Keep learning. Whether it is through reading books, taking workshops or classes related to your interests or listening to podcasts or educational programs, never stop learning. I’m a firm believer in lifelong learning. I remember when I first began homeschooling.
Growth is an essential part of life, both personally and professionally. Every day presents an opportunity to learn, evolve, and become better versions of ourselves. But how do we seize these opportunities? How do successful writers, leaders, and influencers ensure they are constantly growing and improving? What daily habits, practices, or mindsets contribute to their continual growth? In this interview series, we would like to talk to authors, leaders, influencers, and anyone who is an authority about “What We Can Do To Grow Every Day”. As a part of this series, I had the pleasure of interviewing Mary Portzen.
Mary Portzen graduated from the University of Northern Iowa with a BA in Psychology. She is a certified grief counselor trained under world-renown grief expert David Kessler. Mary is the author of seven books under the name Mary Potter Kenyon, including the award winning “Refined By Fire: A Journey of Grief and Grace,” and “Called to Be Creative: A Guide to Reigniting Your Creativity.” Mary is a member of the Advanced Writers and Speakers Association and does workshops on the topics of creativity, writing, and grief. She and her husband Nick speak on the topic of couples praying together and are working on a book on the same topic. They co-coordinate an annual Christian Writers Conference in Cedar Falls, Iowa where they live.
Thank you so much for your time! I know that you are a very busy person. Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us your “Origin Story”? Can you tell us the story of how you grew up?
I grew up in a small town in Iowa, the seventh of ten children. My parents were faith-filled, hard-working people, who raised a large family on very little money. Still, they found creative ways to feed and clothe us and create a home atmosphere that always felt comfortable and safe. I credit my ingenuity, creativity and faith to their example and encouragement. Though I pursued higher education, graduating with a BA degree and beginning master’s courses in Family Services, I ended up staying home with my children after my fourth was born. I did freelance writing, conducted various home businesses and homeschooled my children. I sold my first book (on homeschooling) in 1996, the same year I gave birth to my sixth child. I was 52 years old when my husband died in 2012. Three of my eight children still lived at home. I worked various jobs after that: a library director, newspaper reporter, and program coordinator at a spirituality center. I signed seven book contracts in eight years, founded an annual grief retreat and a writer’s conference. I married widower Nick Portzen in August 2021. Nick, a former businessman, became my co-coordinator for the annual Cedar Falls Iowa Christian Writers Conference. He also cooks for our conference. Nick and I began speaking together on what it means to have a praying partnership in marriage and we are working on a book together on the same topic. In the spring of 2024 we moved to the Christian community where we host our writer’s conference every summer.
Can you tell us a bit about what you do professionally, and what brought you to this specific career path?
I’m the author of seven non-fiction books written under the name Mary Potter Kenyon. I’d wanted to be a writer ever since I was a child and I have the handwritten and personally illustrated book I made my mother in 1969 to prove it. I was active in speech and drama in high school but abandoned any public speaking for the next forty years, beginning again as a method of promoting my non-fiction books. I discovered I loved public speaking and teaching workshops. I utilized my personal experience of loss of mother, husband and grandson in the space of three years to begin speaking on grief, hosting an annual retreat and teaching expressive writing as a healing tool. I sought certification as a grief counselor several years ago after I realized I needed further tools to help those affected by suicide and child loss.
Thank you for all that. Let’s now turn to the main focus of our discussion about Personal Growth. To make sure that we are all on the same page, let’s begin with a simple definition. What does “Personal Growth” mean to you?
Personal growth is an ongoing process of discovering and fulfilling one’s potential. As a Christian, that’s just as much a spiritual transformation as it is emotional and physical because I believe our life can become God’s masterpiece.
Why do you believe that it’s important to commit to growing every day?
We are each born for a purpose, with specific characteristics and talents. We can just live each day, or we can really live. My grandson died of cancer when he was eight years old, and while that was a tragic loss for all of us, that little boy lived each day to the fullest. He loved with a fierce love, played hard, and enjoyed simple things. He was never afraid to try something new. I learned a lot from him.
What are the key upsides for those who mindfully engage in a journey of personal evolution?
The term “personal evolution” suggests a natural progression or outcome, as if we will naturally become who we were meant to be. Yet your question implies there is something we can do to hinder or help that progression, and I agree. I can address this question as a college graduate in Psychology or from my perspective as a Christian. Either way, most of us aren’t fulfilling our potential as human beings with our short time on this planet. From the perspective of psychology, our “Me” culture tells us to put ourselves first, what we want, what we think, what we need. #ME #MYSELF #MEFIRST
That’s not working. If we are so self-aware, and the key to happiness is putting ourselves first, why is drug and alcohol abuse so rampant? Why are so many of us in therapy or on anti-depressants? Why has the rate of suicide increased exponentially?
Let me look at this quandary from the perspective of a joy-filled Christian who has discovered their purpose in life.
The study of Psychology is not incompatible with faith when science supports the idea that we are designed for a purpose. In their book, Wired to Create, Scott Barry Kaufman and Carolyn Gregoire study the latest findings of neuroscience and psychology and conclude we are all, in some way, wired for creating. We are designed to create! We are happier and healthier when we find ways to be creative that fit our natural talents and interests, finding a purpose in our life.
That makes sense from a faith perspective, because we are designed in the Ultimate Creator’s image. We can get to know The Creator through reading His word, prayer, and seeking His plan for us, creating a life that becomes the masterpiece God intended. How do we do that? Through loving our creator, practicing gratitude, helping others, and seeking God’s purpose for our life. As we grow in spiritual maturity, we become less like our sinful human self and more like Jesus. I believe the solution then lies in thinking less of ourselves, not more. I remind myself every day “Less of me, more of him.”
So, what are the key upsides of actively searching for our purpose in life in a mindful way (whether that is taking a class or prayer)? Once we discover our purpose in life, we can utilize our natural talents to fulfill that purpose, living a healthy, happy purposeful life.
When we stop evolving in intentional ways, what do you think are the biggest downsides?
The biggest downside, obviously, is living a purposeless life. We are each given just one life to live. What a waste if we don’t figure out what our purpose is.
What specific practices, if any, do you have in place to ensure that you don’t become stagnant in life?
Being an avid reader helps. I firmly believe in lifelong learning. Learning shouldn’t stop once we graduate from school. I’m always learning, through the books I read, the conversations I have, the research and writing I do.
Is there any particular area of your life where you are most committed to growth (e.g., spiritually, professionally, socially, internally, relationally)?
Definitely spiritual. There is nothing of more importance than our soul. Nothing has set such a fire in me as the love of God and my personal relationship with Him. It is that personal relationship that got me through the deaths of three important people in three years, dark nights of loneliness after I was widowed in 2012, my fear of raising three girls as a single mom. Nothing means more in my life that the realization that the way to Heaven is through following Jesus Christ.
If you could offer five tips to readers on how to stimulate and perpetuate self-growth, what would they be?
1 . Look to your childhood. That’s where the answers are. What were you naturally drawn to as a child? Did you love music? Coloring? Working in the garden with your dad, at the stove with your mother? Were you fascinated with the quilts your grandmother made? Could you spend hours outdoors, sitting in the grass and poking anthills with a stick? I truly believe our true selves, our talents, our interests, naturally came out in our childhood, until someone told us to color inside the lines, follow directions, stop reading books under our desks, quit daydreaming, pay attention, abandon a pursuit because it wouldn’t make money. What brought you joy as a child? Pay attention to that child inside you that naturally followed your own interests. I knew I needed to spend more time in nature as an adult when I looked back on my childhood and remembered how much time I spent outside.
2 . Try new things. While you are following your interests, include the pursuit of new endeavors, new experiences, without expectations. Do it for fun. Allow for failure. I’d always admired mixed media art pieces. While I was working on a book that encouraged readers to try something they’d never done before, I realized I needed to follow my own advice and attempt a mixed media art project. Maybe it had something to do with my penchant for saving every piece of memorabilia, especially small things like holy medals and broken rosaries I found in my mother’s things after her death. It didn’t make sense to keep meaningful memorabilia hidden away in drawers. I wanted to see some of them displayed, and a mixed media collage could do that. I painted a canvas a bright blue, then artfully arranged newspaper clippings, a broken rosary, a holy medal, words about mothers from a vintage poetry book, on the painted canvas, gluing them on and covering the whole thing with a glossy coat of varnish. Yes, I worried about ruining some of the things, or creating something unsightly, but I was determined not to let that stop me from trying. The finished product hangs on my bedroom wall and gives me great pleasure, reminding me of my mother and her own creativity.
3. Keep learning. Whether it is through reading books, taking workshops or classes related to your interests or listening to podcasts or educational programs, never stop learning. I’m a firm believer in lifelong learning. I remember when I first began homeschooling. A concerned parent asked if I remembered Algebra or how to diagram sentences. They were horrified to discover I didn’t. “How can your children learn Algebra without a real teacher?” As if a person can’t learn without a teacher! Ever hear of an autodidact, a self-learner? Some of the most famous, and successful people in the world were autodidacts: Leonardo DaVinci, Benjamin Franklin, Abraham Lincoln, Oprah Winfrey, Albert Einstein, Walt Disney. We all have the capacity to learn and should keep learning our entire life. I learn best from reading but I found out some of my homeschooled children learned best watching a video. Others through hands-on learning. One son learned how to blow glass through You-Tube videos, another learned how to play guitar that way. Find out how you learn best. You might be a tactile learner and need hands-on experience to learn something.
4. Include quiet meditative time in your day. I was so busy raising eight children and homeschooling, I didn’t have the quiet, meditative time that is crucial to our mental wellbeing. I had to steal time by getting up two hours before my children did so I could write, but solitude and silence wasn’t built into my daily life. When my spouse died in March 2012, I was thrust into single motherhood and a state of stillness I’d never experienced. I had maybe a year before I needed to find a job outside of the house. My youngest son and three youngest daughters still lived at home, but everyone in the house was numb with grief. We pushed “pause” on homeschooling so the next few months were a gift of finding ways to move forward as a family. It was during that time I began journaling, reading the bible, praying, and figuring out just who I was outside of wife. That was a very healing time. I have written about the power of expressive writing and other forms of creativity in healing and finding our way.
5. Live in awe. I can look back now and see 2012 as a holy space in my life, a time when I was spiritually transformed. Not only had I lost a husband, but I was facing the loss of a young grandson who was dying of cancer. That little boy taught me so much about the fragility of life. He lived, really lived, each and every day, bravely facing treatment that would bring grown men to their knees. I never felt closer to God than I did during the months Jacob was dying, I’d find myself gazing out the window as I did dishes, stopping to watch the birds gathering at the feeder. As if for the first time, I felt the coolness of a soft breeze on the back of my neck as I rode my bicycle, the pungent scent of fresh mown grass bringing me to tears. I’d lift my face towards the warmth of the sunshine, soaking it in. I’d gasp with the beauty of a rainbow, the colors more vivid than any I’d ever seen. I’d watch the sun set on the horizon, then get up early to see it rise. That sense of awe I experienced over simple things never waned, even after the life insurance money was gone and I needed to find work. I felt God’s guidance in each job he brought me to, from the first as a library director where I was allowed to bring my young daughters with me to a position a few years later at a spirituality center where I could share my faith. Every morning I woke up excited, wondering how God might use me that day. I still wake up in awe of each day, even the ordinary ones. Especially the ordinary ones. I glance over at Nick, grateful for yet another day with him. I think about the bible verse Matthew 18:3 “And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” I consider how my awe in every little thing might be considered child-like, and maybe just the way God wants me to be; caught up in the wonder of our beautiful world, fascinated by all things created by our Maker, appreciating simple things.
What advice would you give to someone who feels stuck and unsure of how to start their personal growth journey?
Spend some time journaling, working through your thoughts and feelings. Science proves that journaling can be very therapeutic. Creative pursuits of any kind are. Create a vision board, make some mind-maps, try Blackout Poetry. These are activities I include in my “Jumpstart Your Creativity” workshops and grief retreats. As a Christian, I believe a powerful prayer life is the ultimate answer to your personal growth, living in God’s Word and seeking His plan for you.
Are there any books, podcasts, or other resources that have significantly contributed to your personal growth?
As a non-fiction writer, I read a lot. I also love doing research on the topics I write about. That means right now, while I work on a book with my husband, I’m reading a lot of books on marriage and prayer. When I was writing about creativity, I read books and listened to podcasts on that topic. Ditto on grief when I was writing my book on grief. That said, Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Life by Madeleine L’Engle really resonated with me as a female writer and believer. The book that has most significantly contributed to my personal growth is the bible.
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
Another “What would Jesus do?” movement. I remember the bracelets in the 1990’s, but the phrase has a rich history in Christianity, all the way back to the 1400’s and a book Imitation of Christ. The bottom line is to weigh everything; what we do, what we say, how we live, by Scripture and what Jesus would do. My husband and I have started doing that with our entertainment choices. We won’t watch anything on television that we wouldn’t watch with Jesus sitting on the couch right next to us. Because He is. We try to do the same in how we treat people.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
www.marypotterkenyon.com and Facebook and Instagram under Mary Potter Kenyon
Thank you so much for sharing these important insights. We wish you continued success and good health!
About The Interviewer: Dr. Carla Marie Manly — clinical psychologist, author, and advocate — is based in Sonoma County, California. In addition to her clinical practice focusing on relationships and personal transformation, Dr. Manly is deeply invested in her roles as podcaster and speaker. With a refreshingly direct and honest approach — plus a dose of humor — Dr. Manly enjoys supporting others in the ever-evolving journey of life. Her novel self-development paradigm builds resilience, emotional intelligence, and self-esteem. Highlighting the importance of loving connection, her work also focuses on helping others create deeply connected and satisfying intimate and social relationships. Working from a transformative model that honors the body-mind-spirit connection, Dr. Manly offers holistic relationship and wellness seminars around the world. An award-winning author, Dr. Manly’s books, The Joy of Imperfect Love, Date Smart, Joy from Fear, and Aging Joyfully highlight her empowering approach and profound expertise. Host of the captivating podcast, Imperfect Love, Dr. Manly offers uplifting guidance on navigating the messy road of life. Her expertise is also regularly cited in media outlets including The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, USA Today, Forbes, Oprah, Newsweek, NBC, HuffPost, Reader’s Digest, Psychology Today, Parade, GQ, Women’s Health, Architectural Digest, Men’s Health, and more.
Growing Every Day: Author Mary Portzen On What We Can Do To Grow Every Day was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.