An Interview With Lucinda Koza
Build a strong care team and support system. A good care team is essential, but don’t underestimate the power of friends and family. Sharing your journey with loved ones can provide invaluable emotional support and remind you that you’re not alone.
Infertility and the journey through IVF are challenges that many individuals and couples face, often accompanied by emotional, physical, and financial stress. Despite advancements in reproductive technology, the process can be isolating and fraught with uncertainty. How can we better support those navigating infertility and IVF, and what strategies can help manage the various challenges along the way? As a part of this series, I had the pleasure of interviewing Greg Kennedy.
Greg Kennedy is a husband, father, and District Sales Manager for a company at the forefront of reproductive medicine, Ferring Pharmaceuticals. Greg is also an advocate who shares his and his wife’s fertility treatment story, including his experiences, insights and lessons learned to help others. He shares his experiences, insights and lessons learned to help other couples get ready before they embark on the journey. He also uses the podium to reach partners and spouses of those going through the IVF journey to sensitize them to what their wives may be going through so they are more sympathetic to and understanding of their needs and challenges. He feels that the male perspective is often not shared, and he wants to change that. Greg also hopes that by speaking out, it may help destigmatize the embarrassment men feel about their fertility status and what they perceive as a failure if they have to go through fertility treatment. He hopes by sharing his story that others will feel less alone and more prepared for their fertility journey.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive in, our readers would love to “get to know you” better. Can you tell us a bit about you and your backstory?
Thank you for having me! I would be delighted to tell you a bit about myself. I am a lucky man. I have a beautiful wife, Danyelle, and we have two incredible children who keep us busy with all their activities like soccer, baseball, pickleball, gymnastics, swimming and football. I have a job in the reproductive medicine field that I am particularly committed to because of the personal experience my wife and I went through to have a child using in vitro fertilization (or IVF).
Let me elaborate…
About four years into our marriage, we decided to start a family. When my wife Danyelle was not getting pregnant naturally, we both went for a fertility evaluation knowing that it could be either of us experiencing infertility. After our evaluation, our Reproductive Endocrinologist recommended that my wife pursue IVF treatment. IVF is not always an easy process, and what we learned, is that it is not always successful the first time around. And while our Reproductive Endocrinologist prepared us for what to expect, we were naïve and went into the process with “rose colored glasses” on. When the first three intrauterine insemination (IUI) and first IVF cycles were unsuccessful, we were devastated. But we really wanted a child, so we continued on the IVF path and were successful on the second try of IVF. And when we finally became parents, it was all worth it. IVF gave us the opportunity to have our son — our daughter was conceived naturally two years later.
Describe the process of realizing you had challenges with fertility. What was the level of access to resources available to you in order to see the right doctors, run the right tests, etc?
I am glad you asked that question.
When we realized Danyelle wasn’t conceiving, we approached it as a team and both of us underwent fertility evaluations understanding that infertility can stem from either partner. In fact, male factor contributes to infertility up to 50% of the time. As we were both aware of this, we both got tested so we could pursue the right medical care and treatment and make plans accordingly. For us, it was not about who was infertile but rather about how we can overcome this challenge together. There was no pointing fingers or embarrassment, there was only solutions. My advice to any couple facing infertility is to remember you’re in this together. Open communication, mutual support, and early medical intervention are crucial for both partners.
At the time, however, neither my wife nor I had ever heard of a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE). Danyelle’s cousin was an Obstetrician/Gynecologist and after my wife talked to her about our struggles with fertility, her cousin recommended we go to a Reproductive Endocrinologist. We instantly felt welcomed by the office and staff –our physician and the staff were personable, professional and acutely aware of our needs as patients.
The staff and physician at the clinic explained the journey my wife and I were about to embark upon. The coordination between the main IVF nurse and physician was very clear and organized. But if I can be honest, the process was very intense: weekly blood testing and ultrasounds for my wife, and blood testing and sperm samples from me for several weeks. The irony of the situation was the excitement and curiosity: we did not know anyone who was going through what we were going through so we had to count on each other. We knew what the ultimate goal was, and we worked towards it. My wife is a very special woman, and she is very strong mentally and physically — without her leading the way, who knows what the outcome might’ve been.
If I may, to put things in perspective, this was over a decade (11 years to be exact) ago. At this time, IVF was not talked about as much in the media or on social media. Additionally, in 2013 very few employers were offering fertility benefits, and the average cost of an IVF cycle was quite high. Now a single IVF cycle can be even more. Luckily, the company that I worked for at the time offered fertility benefits.
Did you keep this realization private? If so, why?
While Danyelle and I talked openly about infertility and IVF, I didn’t have conversations about it with my friends and family. Neither of our families knew anything about infertility or IVF — they were unaware that there are about 1,500 REI’s (Reproductive Endocrinologist and Infertility specialists) in the US who are fully dedicated to helping turn patients into parents. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to; I just didn’t know how to bring it up. It takes courage to tell others. Stigma, embarrassment, and pride can get in the way. Plus, you assume people, especially your parents, won’t understand what you’re going through. What I have learned since is that your friends and family want to be there for you. Before we began the process of IVF, we did not know anyone who had gone through it. Subsequently, Danyelle and I have referred 5 sets of couples to Reproductive Endocrinologists who all are in various stages of success.
How much did this realization affect your sense of self, or call into question your plans for your future?
Looking back, I wish I had found the courage to share with my family, especially my parents, who have always been supportive. In fact, being close, they likely knew something was up, but did not probe into my affairs. Not sharing impacted me enough that I now openly share our IVF story. I want others to know they’re not alone and that they can always turn to someone who understands what they are going through.
By sharing my story, I hope to help shed the stigma and shame that people feel about infertility, particularly us men. Men often face a different set of pressures that can make it difficult to seek help around reproductive challenges. I hope my story, and the stories of others, will help eliminate the shame or embarrassment. No one should feel like that!
Following through with the complete process of fertility testing and treatment can be absolutely grueling for your body for what could be years. How did you cope with constant procedures, medications, hormones?
It’s important to understand that infertility is not just a female issue. One in six people worldwide are affected by infertility, with the male factor contributing up to 50 percent of the time. Knowing this, both my wife and I were evaluated for infertility. The process was a lot more demanding for Danyelle than me. My fertility tests were not particularly grueling. My wife had a different experience. The process for her was physically and emotionally taxing, with countless blood tests, appointments, and labs even before the IVF journey begins. Once our fertility test results were analyzed, it was recommended that my wife go through a surgery and then move to IVF treatment.
The hardest part for me was to see her go through this so stoically, but knowing it was not easy. And because we did not have success during the first cycle of IVF, we had to go through this process a few times before success. We went through three IUI cycles and two IVF cycles before welcoming our son.
Despite the challenges, when we were finally parents, it was all worth it. The challenges we faced faded quickly after holding our son in our arms.
Was there a point at which you felt as if your body wasn’t your own? If so, how have you been able to reclaim it? Explain.
Even though I wasn’t the one going through the physical procedures, IVF was still emotionally and mentally challenging. It was hard to watch Danyelle go through so much, knowing I couldn’t take it away from her. There were times when I felt helpless, frustrated, and even a bit lost in the process.
Once Danyelle became pregnant, however, our focus was entirely on her health and wellness, and preparing for our son’s arrival. We went into high gear getting things ready for our baby, and so much of the stress we’d been carrying through the IVF process began fading away. And when our son finally arrived, the challenges we had faced were largely forgotten. The IVF journey had been well worth it.
My advice to any couple facing infertility is to remember, you’re in this together.
Can you please share “5 Things You Need to Navigate the Challenges of Infertility and IVF”?
While I didn’t go through the physical aspects of IVF myself, supporting my wife Danyelle through her journey taught me so much about what it takes to navigate infertility. Here are five key things you need to know as the partner of someone navigating infertility:
- Acknowledge that infertility is a shared experience. It’s not just a “woman’s issue.” If you’re struggling to conceive, both partners should get tested. We did this early on, knowing it could be either or both of us. Sadly, there’s still a stigma around male infertility, preventing many men from seeking help. There is an online tool that was developed by Posterity Health, the only virtual-first center of excellence for male reproductive health, that offers a male fertility assessment from home that can help provide insight into their fertility status.
- Understand your options before you begin. Fully grasp the financial, physical, emotional, and time commitments of IVF and other paths before you begin. We went through several cycles before we were successful, and it was incredibly demanding on every level. I’m not saying this to scare anyone, but preparation is crucial.
- Become an informed advocate for your journey. While your doctor will guide you, seek out trusted resources like RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association, the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, or FertilityOutLoud to learn more and become better educated.
- Be present for your partner. All of the appointments, tests and labs demand a lot of time, and you must be able to take the time to attend and be by your partner’s side through it all. I wasn’t there for all of Danyelle’s ultrasounds, and that’s something I regret; I didn’t realize how difficult these were for her on her own. Women tend to undergo the bulk of the fertility testing and treatment, and as a partner you need to know that this may not be easy for them and be there could be highs and lows.
- Build a strong care team and support system. A good care team is essential, but don’t underestimate the power of friends and family. Sharing your journey with loved ones can provide invaluable emotional support and remind you that you’re not alone.
A woman’s drive and desire to be a mother could be completely personal, simple, or nuanced. It could also be a bold imperative. I believe mothering and caregiving is the most essential labor toward creating a better society. Would you share what has driven you to work so hard and sacrifice so much toward this goal?
We knew we wanted a child of our own, and once we committed to IVF, we were determined to see it through, even when faced with setbacks. The failed cycles were incredibly difficult, but we never lost sight of our goal. We committed ourselves to open communications, mutual support, and honesty. We always had a strong relationship and while it was not always easy, we never wavered from overcoming the challenges together.
Wonderful. We are nearly done. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. :-)?
My aspirations are a little different. If I wasn’t fully engaged as a District Sales Manager, I would like to become Mayor of a small to midsized town. Earlier in my career I had the pleasure of calling on two different cities in Alabama that have expanded greatly since 2020 — Birmingham & Huntsville. I was attracted to both cities because the cultural expansion in both was meaningful and purposeful. Especially after an extremely turbulent Civil Rights era. I met Alabama Mayor Randall Woodfin very briefly on a chance encounter in downtown B’ham several years ago. I would relish the opportunity to sit down with him again to pick his brain about leadership, curbing violence and racial and economic barriers (Mayor Woodfin is African American and the same age as me).
If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
This is a very sensitive subject but one I care about greatly. It is often very difficult and/or very expensive for same sex couples to start a family. The same groups I mentioned above (RESOLVE, ASRM) are on the front lines of helping to expand access to fertility care. I want to work more closely with them. My company is committed to reaching out to disparate gender groups and supporting diverse family building needs and fertility journeys. I want to be a champion in this regard.
How can our readers follow your work online?
You can find me on LinkedIn. And if you are seeking more information on infertility, IVF or different paths to parenthood, you can visit: FertilityOutLoud.com.
Thank you so much for joining us. This was very inspirational.
About the Interviewer: After becoming her father’s sole caregiver at a young age, Lucinda Koza founded I-Ally, a community-based app that provides access to services and support for millennial family caregivers. Mrs. Koza has had essays published in Thought Catalog, Medium Women, Caregiving.com and Hackernoon.com. She was featured in ‘Founded by Women: Inspiration and Advice from over 100 Female Founders’ by Sydney Horton. A filmmaker, Mrs. Koza premiered short film ‘Laura Point’ at the 2015 Cannes Film Festival and recently co-directed ‘Caregivers: A Story About Them’ with Egyptian filmmaker Roshdy Ahmed. Her most notable achievement, however, has been becoming a mother to fraternal twins in 2023. Reach out to Lucinda via social media or directly by email: [email protected].
Greg Kennedy On Navigating the Challenges of Infertility and IVF was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.