Find meaning in your journey. Writing my memoir turned my pain into purpose by sharing my story to inspire others, showing that even the hardest challenges can lead to growth.
As a part of this series, I had the pleasure of interviewing Emmilia O’Sullivan.
Emmilia O’Sullivan battled illness her whole life — kidney failure, cancer, endless surgeries. Yet, her best-selling memoir “I Should Be F’N Dead!” is a story of resilience, not despair. It’s a biography and self-help book in one, offering hope and practical advice to young adults facing similar struggles. By sharing her journey, Emmilia reminds readers they’re not alone and that even in the darkest moments, there’s the strength to thrive.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we start, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory?
My childhood was shaped by learning to navigate severe health issues early on. I was diagnosed with kidney disease not long after I was born, and my days were a cycle of hospital stays, surgeries, and recoveries. By the age of two, I’d already lost one kidney.
Hospital visits, surgeries, and medical restrictions, like avoiding contact sports and skipping school camps, often made me feel different.
Growing up with kidney disease, I couldn’t participate in many activities other kids enjoyed, like contact sports. My parents wanted me to have an outlet that was safe and enriching, so at eight years old, they enrolled me in the Johnny Young Talent Time Dance and Singing School. Dance became a lifeline for me. It made me feel like I was normal and that I had somewhere I belonged.
By the time I turned 17, I had major bladder reconstruction surgery and a kidney transplant when I was 21. Life was looking up, yet less than a year later at 22 years old I was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma.
This was only the beginning of a very long journey ahead. Every year up until the age of 30, something else went wrong. From Pneumonia, sepsis, Smooth Muscle Tumours (Technically a second form of cancer and the only person diagnosed with it in Australia), craniotomy, neck dissection, neck spinal fusion, coma, cardiac arrest, blood clots, Osteoporosis and under-active thyroid to just name a few — I could be here all day.
With all of this ruling over my life for over a decade, I was forced to mature at a very young age. I had to be strong for myself and my family, especially when things went south.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
My favourite ‘Life Lesson Quote’ is: “Being positive doesn’t mean that everything is good — it’s the ability to see the good in everything!” This mindset has been a cornerstone of my journey, especially during some of my darkest times, and something I talk a lot about in my memoir, I Should Be F’N Dead!.
Ten years ago, I wasn’t taking care of myself physically or mentally. I didn’t truly appreciate how precious and fragile our bodies and minds are until I faced multiple medical crises, and I realised I needed to make changes. I needed to learn to focus on the good, even in the toughest situations.
This shift in perspective changed everything for me. It didn’t erase the pain or difficulty, but it gave me the resilience to face life head-on. I started to see wealth not in material terms but in having loved ones around, good health, and the ability to make memories and laugh.
Positivity doesn’t mean ignoring challenges. It’s about finding light in the shadows. That outlook has shaped my life, and it’s something I strive to share with others.
You have been blessed with much success. In your opinion, what are the top three qualities that you possess that have helped you accomplish so much? If you can, please share a story or example for each.
Resilience — from a young age, I faced significant health challenges. Despite countless hospital visits and surgeries, I refused to let my many diagnoses and medical procedures define me. My resilience has allowed me to push through these hardships and embrace life, even during the toughest times.
Determination — I’ve always been determined to live life on my terms, no matter the obstacles. At 21, I was balancing dialysis sessions, university classes, a part-time job, and a social life. One memorable moment was driving myself to my first dialysis session and then heading straight to work afterwards. About an hour into my shift, I started to feel lightheaded and sat down for a few minutes. When I realised I couldn’t get back up, I reluctantly told a colleague what was going on. They were shocked that I was there and encouraged me to call my boyfriend to come pick me up and take me home.
Gratitude — I’ve learned to appreciate every victory, big or small. After all of the challenges I’ve been through, including Smooth Muscle Tumours and Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma, being diagnosed with Osteoporosis in my twenties, blood clots, sepsis, and cardiac arrest just to name a few, I learned to celebrate life as the victory it is. Journaling, staying in the present and expressing gratitude as often as I can have helped me to build a gratitude mindset that keeps me grounded and focused on all of the good things in my life.
Let’s now shift to the main part of our discussion about ‘Healing after Loss’. Do you feel comfortable sharing with our readers about your dramatic loss or life change?
One of the most dramatic changes in my life was reaching end-stage kidney failure and needing a transplant in my early twenties. I had already lost one kidney when I was two, and my remaining kidney function had dropped to just 7%, requiring dialysis to stay alive.
I was juggling dialysis three times a week, university, work, and maintaining a social life. I’d always pushed through challenges, but this felt insurmountable.
Beyond the physical toll, the emotional weight of knowing my body could no longer sustain itself without machines was overwhelming. It was a harsh reminder that I couldn’t control everything.
What was the scariest part of that event? What did you think was the worst thing that could happen to you?
The scariest part of reaching end-stage kidney failure was confronting the reality of my mortality. I had always been resilient, but knowing my body could no longer function on its own was terrifying. When I started dialysis, the thought that this might be my “new normal” forever was deeply unsettling. I was young and ambitious, with dreams of completing my education and living a full life, but kidney failure made me question if that would even be possible.
I also worried about losing my sense of identity and independence. I didn’t want to be defined by my illness or treated differently by the people around me. It was a constant battle to maintain a sense of normalcy while grappling with the fear of an uncertain future. For someone who prided herself on being in control, the helplessness was the most frightening part.
How did you react in the short term?
I went into survival mode, with a side of denial. I kept attending university classes, working part-time, and maintaining my social life. I didn’t want my illness to overshadow everything else. I remember driving myself to my first dialysis session and then heading straight to work afterwards, as if nothing had changed.
Emotionally, I pushed down a lot of my fears and frustrations. I wanted to be seen as strong, but inside, I was overwhelmed. I focused on ticking boxes like showing up for appointments and sticking to my treatment plan to keep up appearances.
While this approach initially helped me maintain a sense of control, it wasn’t sustainable. Eventually, the emotional weight caught up with me, and I had to confront the reality of my situation. But in those early days, staying busy and focusing on tasks felt like the only way to cope.
After the dust settled, what coping mechanisms did you use?
One of the most important things I did was to lean on my support system. My family, especially my parents and husband, became my rock. They reminded me I wasn’t alone in this fight, and knowing I could rely on them gave me the strength to keep going.
I also started embracing small victories and developing a gratitude mindset to focus on the good instead of always dwelling on the not-so-good. Whether it was completing a dialysis session without complications or having a good day at work, celebrating these moments helped me stay positive. Gratitude became a cornerstone of my coping strategy.
I also learned to give myself permission to rest and accept help. This was a big shift for me because I’d always prided myself on my independence. Learning to say, “I need support” wasn’t easy, but it was necessary.
Can you share with us how you were eventually able to heal and “let go” of the negative aspects of that event?
Forgiveness was key to letting go. I forgave my body for “failing” me and stopped comparing my journey to others’. I also let go of the need to control every aspect of my life, learning to trust the process instead.
I focused on what I could do instead of what I couldn’t. Writing my memoir was a significant part of this process. Sharing my story allowed me to make sense of everything I’d been through and use it to inspire others.
Ultimately, gratitude became my anchor. Focusing on the love, support, and opportunities I had instead of the hardships helped me move forward with strength and purpose.
In my own grief journey, I found writing to be cathartic. Did you engage in any writing during that time, such as journaling, poetry, or writing letters? If yes, we’d love to hear about any stories or examples.
Putting my feelings into words helped me process the fear, anger, and sadness I often felt. It was a way to release emotions I didn’t always feel comfortable sharing with others.
Every day, I would write down something I was grateful for, whether it was a phone call from a loved one or just a moment to rest. This was a major turning point for me in developing the gratitude mindset that helped me to focus on all the good things going on.
Aside from letting go, what did you do to create an internal, emotional shift to feel better?
Well, I wrote an entire book about my health journey! I’ve wanted to write a book for as long as I can remember. When I first started facing my complex health challenges and surviving them, I knew I had to do something to help others, especially younger people going through similar situations.
I wanted to share my experiences and offer support in a way that could truly inspire and uplift others. Writing my memoir, I Should Be F’N Dead!, has allowed me to achieve that, and I’m so grateful to have the opportunity to connect with people through my story.
Is there a particular person who you are grateful towards who helped get you to cope and heal? Can you share a story about that?
You could say my childhood was complicated. Diagnosed with kidney disease not long after I was born, and my days were a cycle of hospital stays, surgeries, and recoveries. By the age of two, I’d already lost one kidney.
During my teens, my remaining kidney began to fail. In my early twenties, my health took a nosedive, and dialysis was no longer working. The day I had been dreading for years had finally arrived — it was time for a transplant.
My incredible dad stepped up as my donor. While I was grateful my father could donate his kidney, the uncertainty of whether the transplant would succeed or fail and the impact it could have on him added to the emotional rollercoaster.
Thankfully, the surgery was a huge success, and the kidney began to work instantly. I cannot begin to describe the feeling of relief that flooded me, and despite all of the post-op medications, bloodwork and follow-ups, everything was looking up — I F’N survived.
Were you able to eventually reframe the consequences and turn it into a positive situation? Can you explain how you did that?
At first, the transplant felt overwhelming. There were so many unknowns it was like walking into a black hole and not knowing if you would get out on the other side.
As time passed, I began to view it as a gift rather than just a medical procedure. The fact that my father was my donor made it even more special. It wasn’t just about receiving a kidney; it was a symbol of unconditional love and support that surrounded me during one of the hardest times in my life.
I began to focus on the opportunities the transplant gave me. For the first time in years, I could live without constant dialysis, which felt like regaining my freedom. I also saw the experience as a way to share my story and help others. Writing my memoir, I Should Be F’N Dead!, became a way to turn my pain into purpose. It allowed me to inspire others facing health challenges and show them that even in the darkest moments, there’s hope.
What did you learn about yourself from this very difficult experience? Can you please explain with a story or example?
I learned that I am far stronger and more resilient than I ever imagined. Facing such a life-changing procedure forced me to confront fears, adapt to uncertainty, and trust in myself and those who support me.
As my donor, my dad went into surgery before me. Knowing he was undergoing this for me filled me with a mix of gratitude and guilt. When it was my turn, I remember lying on the operating table, overwhelmed by fear of the unknown. But as I woke up in recovery, the doctors told me that my new kidney had started working instantly, even producing urine during the surgery. That immediate success gave me hope and a new perspective.
This experience has helped me embrace vulnerability. It has also reinforced the importance of asking for and accepting help, which I have struggled with before.
Based on your experiences and knowledge, what advice would you give others to help them get through a difficult life challenge? What are your “5 Things You Need To Heal After a Dramatic Loss Or Life Change? Please share a story or example for each.
- Resilience
Challenges can be overwhelming, but resilience allows you to push forward. When I started dialysis, it was exhausting and emotionally draining. Instead of letting it define me, I embraced my routine and focused on maintaining my daily life as much as possible, including university and work.
2. A strong support system
Surround yourself with people who care. My parents and husband were my rocks during my kidney failure and transplant. Their unwavering support reminded me I wasn’t alone, even during the darkest moments.
3. Acceptance
Accepting what you can’t control is key to healing. Before my transplant, I struggled with guilt about my father donating his kidney. Once I accepted it as a gift of love, I was able to move forward with hope instead of fear.
4. Gratitude
Focusing on what you have rather than what you’ve lost shifts your perspective. After my transplant, I celebrated small victories, like being free from dialysis, which helped me stay positive.
5. Purpose
Find meaning in your journey. Writing my memoir turned my pain into purpose by sharing my story to inspire others, showing that even the hardest challenges can lead to growth.
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be?
Navigating life with kidney disease often made me feel isolated and different while I was growing up. There weren’t many people my age who understood what I was going through, let alone someone to mentor or guide me.
I’d love to create an event that brings young people together. It would be a safe, supportive space where they can connect, feel included, and realise they’re not alone. We would have inspiring speakers, fun activities, great food, and entertainment. Most importantly, it would create opportunities for them to meet mentors and peers who truly understand their experiences.
We could build a network of resilience, hope, and belonging for those who need it most. Sometimes, knowing you’re not alone can make all the difference.
Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why?
That would have to be someone like JoJo Siwa. What I admire most is her dedication to helping others, particularly kids with cancer, through donations that fund research and provide financial support for families unable to pay for cancer treatment. She’s achieved so much for someone her age, all while using her platform to make a real difference in the world.
I can relate so much to JoJo’s story of standing out and overcoming adversity. We could do a lot together, and I feel one day that could be a possibility!
How can our readers further follow your work online?
Amazon: https://www.amazon.com.au/SHOULD-BE-FN-DEAD-Challenges-ebook/dp/B0CZH9CFFM
Website: emmiliaosullivan.com
Email: [email protected]
Facebook: Emmilia O’Sullivan
Instagram: @emmiliaosullivan
Tiktok: @emmiliaosullivan
Linked In: Emmilia O’Sullivan
What is the best way our readers can follow you online?
You can follow me on Instagram @emmiliaosullivan or my website emmiliaosullivan.com — I hope to hear from you soon!
Thank you so much for sharing these important insights. We wish you continued success and good health!
Emmilia O’Sullivan On 5 Things You Need To Heal After a Dramatic Loss Or Life Change was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.