An Interview With Lucinda Koza
Having access to mental health support, whether it’s through therapy, mindfulness practices, or a combination of both, is essential. These resources give you the tools to navigate the emotional challenges that come with postpartum depression. For me, therapy was a space where I could safely explore my feelings, and mindfulness became a way to calm my mind, especially during the most overwhelming moments. It’s about having that consistent support system in place that helps you feel less alone and more equipped to handle the ups and downs.
Postpartum depression is a significant challenge that many new mothers face. The journey to recovery is unique for each individual, involving emotional resilience, self-care strategies, and often the support of healthcare professionals. Addressing postpartum depression is crucial for the well-being of both the mother and her family. Sharing these personal journeys can provide hope, support, and practical advice to others facing similar challenges. As a part of this series, I had the pleasure of interviewing Elisabeth Schellekens.
Elisabeth, the visionary founder of Elle’s Corner, is on a mission to revolutionize the way society approaches motherhood and mental health. As a passionate Motherhood and Mental Health Counselor, Elisabeth’s driving force is to create a supportive community that ensures no mother has to face the challenges of postpartum depression (PPD) and postpartum anxiety (PPA) alone. She believes that everyone should have access to affordable, accessible mental health support, and she’s dedicated to dispelling common myths surrounding PPD and PPA.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive in, our readers would love to “get to know you” better. Can you tell us a bit about yourself and your backstory?
Hi, I’m Elisabeth, and I almost didn’t make it through my debilitating Postpartum Depression. Now, I’ve made it my life’s goal to ensure no postpartum mom ever has to go through what I went through alone, without support, acknowledgment, and resources.
Can you share a little about your childbirth experience with us?
After suffering from Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG) throughout my pregnancy and being bedridden for almost 9 months, I found childbirth the easiest part of “having a baby” and would gladly do it a hundred times over if I could be sure that I wouldn’t have to go through postpartum depression again.
I was induced at 41 weeks and 5 days because I just couldn’t take it anymore. I planned on giving birth without any medical intervention, but as soon as I found myself in a storm of contractions, I got very scared. At that point, I just wanted the pain to stop so I could breathe again. This went on for another 3–4 hours, and then I was lucky enough to get an epidural. I was so relieved and, to be honest, relaxed, that the actual pushing part of the birth felt like a piece of cake.
Unfortunately, I had a tear in my labia which was bleeding profusely. Within 30 minutes, I found myself in a brightly lit OR with so many people (mostly men) around me. The pain of being separated from my baby and husband was too much to bear, and as I looked around for some shred of empathy and comfort in that cold and bright OR, my blood pressure started to bottom out, and I was shot up with adrenaline about 5 times.
I was conscious throughout because I had only had an epidural. I vividly remember being in the recovery room and grabbing the nurse’s hand and whimpering to her, “Can you just please hold my hand? I’m away from my baby, and I’m very scared.” She was so sweet to me and sat with me for a while. Eventually, I was wheeled back into my hospital room and reunited with my baby and my traumatized husband — who honestly thought I had died because there was so much blood, and I was gone for such a long time. The relief was immense, and all I wanted to do was care for my newborn daughter.
How did you know you had postpartum depression? How quickly did these symptoms seem to inhabit you after giving birth?
To be honest, I think my mental health suffered throughout my pregnancy. But being separated from my baby so quickly after birth and the sleep deprivation of life with a newborn certainly didn’t help. When my daughter was about 8 weeks old, my period returned, even though I was exclusively breastfeeding, and I went from being okay-ish to completely suicidal in an afternoon.
What was the most insidious way postpartum depression had an effect on your body, your new child, your relationship, your family, your work, your brain, your sense of identity? What scared you the most?
In my private counseling practice, I saw a lot of PPD/PPA clients, so I knew depression, intrusive thoughts, or suicidal thoughts were nothing to be ashamed of, but knowing this truth and believing it are two very different things. So, I was too scared to speak up about my feelings.
The moment that pushed me over the edge happened when I was talking to my mom, my daughter lying in her crib right in front of us. I found myself explaining to my mom all the things she needed to know to take care of my little girl, as if I wouldn’t be around to do it myself. I told her about my daughter’s needs, her temperament, her likes and dislikes, and the parenting philosophy I wanted her to be raised with. It hit me then that in all these scenarios I was describing, I couldn’t picture myself being there. The truth was, I didn’t want to be there at all. I wanted to be dead.
What has been the single most important tool in your arsenal as you have moved through and out of postpartum depression? Why?
Accessible mental health resources (therapy, mindfulness, etc.) and medication.
In a perfect world, what do you think women need, structurally, to ensure this transition into motherhood is a healthy one?
Access to mental health resources like therapy, mindfulness, and medication is crucial. But beyond that, we need much more upfront education about the mental and emotional aspects of becoming a mom. Sure, almost every mom has heard of postpartum depression and has a vague idea of what it is and how to recognize it, but it goes so much deeper than that. When you become a mom, everything changes, and yet most of the healthcare provided for moms focuses mainly on having a healthy pregnancy and ensuring the best outcome for the baby. The limited healthcare that moms do receive is primarily centered around physical aspects, like the infamous 6-week check-up that most moms see as either the green light for penetration or the signal to get back in the gym and lose the baby weight. But let’s be real, does that sound like a healthy approach to postpartum care?
Can you please share “5 Things You Need to Heal After Postpartum Depression”?
1. Mental health support in the form of therapy and mindfulness
Having access to mental health support, whether it’s through therapy, mindfulness practices, or a combination of both, is essential. These resources give you the tools to navigate the emotional challenges that come with postpartum depression. For me, therapy was a space where I could safely explore my feelings, and mindfulness became a way to calm my mind, especially during the most overwhelming moments. It’s about having that consistent support system in place that helps you feel less alone and more equipped to handle the ups and downs.
2. A good non-judgmental support system aka your village
Building a supportive community around you, or your “village,” is just as important. This isn’t just about having people who can help with practical tasks, but about surrounding yourself with individuals who offer understanding without judgment. These are the people who listen, who validate your feelings, and who support you without trying to fix or minimize what you’re going through. It’s incredibly powerful to have a group of people who make you feel seen and heard and who can remind you that you don’t have to go through this journey alone.
3. Space to move your body
I used to hate working out and “getting fit” and I’ve always struggled with my body image. I didn’t even want to think about the fact that I had to get fit at all. But one day, I found a yoga studio close to me that offered Yin classes (a slow-paced, low impact form of yoga where you hold passive poses for a couple of minutes at a time). I started going once a week, and it felt so good to move my body. Nowadays, I wholeheartedly encourage postpartum moms (and all women, for that matter) to engage in physical activity that brings them joy and feels good for their bodies, without placing undue pressure on themselves to lose weight or achieve a certain level of fitness.
4. Medication (if needed and wanted)
In the beginning of my therapy, my psychiatrist asked me if I wanted to go on antidepressants but noted that they would take 4 to 6 weeks to start working. I politely declined and told her that wasn’t needed. But the truth is, I thought, “In 4 to 6 weeks, I’m not going to be here anymore. I cannot take it anymore.” After a couple more sessions, it came to light that my anxiety was disrupting my sleep, and I was given sleep medication. I resisted at first because I needed to be awake all the time to take care of my baby, but eventually, I gave in. After a couple of weeks on the sleep medication, I recognized I was in way over my head and requested another talk about antidepressants. I started taking them, and in combination with the other 4 things on this list, they honestly saved my life.
5. Mindfulness
I’d given meditation a couple of tries over the years because, as a counselor, I knew its benefits, but the habit never really stuck. When I was in the worst parts of my PPD, I thought, “Ah, what the hell, it cannot get any worse, right?!” I started listening to guided exercises on Headspace, and honestly, in those minutes (sometimes just 5 and other times 20 minutes), I felt I could finally rest and put my overactive mind at ease. Since then, I think about meditation as a way of putting my brain back on the charger. My daughter is now 2 and a half years old, and I still meditate once or twice a day, and it still feels amazing!
In what ways did society support you as a new mother with postpartum depression?
It was difficult because I gave birth during the Covid years, and I felt incredibly lonely. I scoured the internet for similar stories but came up short — I don’t know if I looked in the wrong places or if there was just less awareness. But when I joined a support group of other moms who had suffered through PPD and felt acknowledged for the first time, it was very healing.
In what ways did you feel failed or overlooked?
The acknowledgment part came too late. People were understanding, but understanding is not quite the same as the level of empathy that comes from talking to someone who’s experienced the same thing.
How did you navigate the balance between taking care of your newborn and prioritizing your own healing needs during the postpartum period?
This was very difficult, I wanted to do everything myself. Which meant I wasn’t sleeping or eating or resting. Eventually I was forced by the people around me. But they did it in a loving and gentle way. We worked our way up with literal baby steps.
Wonderful. We are nearly done. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. :-)?
Oh wow, I suppose any mom who feels like she really has it all together! 😉
If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
Well, that’s what I’m trying to do with my online platform. After my PPD I transformed my private practice into something bigger; a safe place for moms to feel their feels. A community where PPD and PPA is acknowledged and where we can heal together.
But if I had to pick another one, I would want to make therapy mandatory in high schools. Can you imagine if our teenagers and adolescents had access to mental health care once a month?
How can our readers follow your work online?
They can check out my Instagram @elles.corner.supporting.moms and my website www.elles-corner.com
Thank you so much for joining us. This was very inspirational.
About the Interviewer: After becoming her father’s sole caregiver at a young age, Lucinda Koza founded I-Ally, a community-based app that provides access to services and support for millennial family caregivers. Mrs. Koza has had essays published in Thought Catalog, Medium Women, Caregiving.com and Hackernoon.com. She was featured in ‘Founded by Women: Inspiration and Advice from over 100 Female Founders’ by Sydney Horton. A filmmaker, Mrs. Koza premiered short film ‘Laura Point’ at the 2015 Cannes Film Festival and recently co-directed ‘Caregivers: A Story About Them’ with Egyptian filmmaker Roshdy Ahmed. Her most notable achievement, however, has been becoming a mother to fraternal twins in 2023. Reach out to Lucinda via social media or directly by email: [email protected].
Elisabeth Schellekens Of Elle’s Corner On What I Did to Heal After Postpartum Depression was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.