Dr. Stephen M. Kromka Of The University of Tampa On How To Create A Successful Career In Conflict Resolution And Mediation
An Interview With Eric Pines
Certification — A technicality. If you don’t have the credentials to be a certified mediator or conflict resolution expert, you won’t be able to have a successful career in it. Be sure to check out the certification requirements in your state so that you know what you have to do to kickstart your new career.
What does it take to create a highly successful career in conflict resolution and mediation? As a part of this series, we had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Stephen Kromka.
Dr. Stephen Kromka is a tenure-track Assistant Professor in the Department of Communication at The University of Tampa who holds a Ph.D. in Communication Studies with his primary emphasis in Instructional Communication and his secondary emphasis in Family Communication. His research focuses on narrative pedagogy; how instructor narratives may influence student learning in the classroom. He is a strategic storytelling coach, instructor, speaker, and consultant who teaches workshops in areas such as personal branding, LinkedIn page development, and team-building.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive in, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your ‘backstory’ and how you ended up where you are?
Sure thing! I am originally from a small town called Kittanning in Western Pennsylvania. After graduating high school, I moved to Pittsburgh to pursue my undergraduate education at the University of Pittsburgh with a B.A. in Communication & Rhetoric and a B.A. in Theatrical Engineering (long story…*laughs*). After taking a couple years to travel abroad, I moved to Morgantown, West Virginia to attain my master’s degree at West Virginia University. I did pretty well during my master’s program, so they offered me an assistantship to stay and complete my Ph.D. in Communication Studies. My main areas of study were instructional communication and family communication. From studying family communication, I discovered conflict resolution research. After reading about it, I thought, “Why don’t we talk about this more? Everyone should know this stuff!” Since then, I was hired as a tenure-track assistant professor at the University of Tampa where I have enjoyed teaching many different communication courses such as conflict resolution, business communication, and storytelling.
You are a successful leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
First, I would say Curiosity. I have always been very curious and wanting to learn more about all aspects of life, but especially people. I’ve always wanted to learn more about how people think and behave. I think it is important to celebrate curiosity and learning. I think many young kids believe that they get to stop learning after high school or college. The truth of it is that we never stop learning. We learn every day in order to better ourselves and others.
Second, it would have to be Perseverance. There are going to be so many obstacles and challenges in our lives. You must adopt a perspective that embraces these obstacles as opportunities. In graduate school, I remember how my new advisor wanted me to complete this research paper before the end of Labor Day weekend. All of my other colleagues went home that weekend, but I stayed to work on the paper because I wanted to impress my new advisor. At the end of that weekend, I submitted that paper to my advisor with a big smile on my face. I felt so proud of myself. An hour later, he emailed me back saying something to effect, “This is the worst paper I’ve ever read.” I can laugh about it now, but at the time, that really hit me hard. I was thinking about dropping out of graduate school. However, I decided to read through my advisor’s feedback and take it as an opportunity to improve my writing. This obstacle turned into an opportunity that eventually led me to winning several research awards and graduating at the top of my class.
Third, I would have to say Reflection. I think it is important to check in with ourselves often to practice gratitude and avoid hubris. Often times, people graduate with their master degree or their doctorate degrees, and they go online and post something along the lines of “I did this all by myself without any help.” And you know, maybe that’s true for some folks, and if so, more power to them. I wanted to say something similar when I finally received my degree after years of hard work. However, it takes a village to raise a child. While yes we do work hard for the things we want in life, we also have to be mindful of all the other people in our lives that help make these dreams a reality. I wouldn’t be where I’m at in my life right now if it weren’t for my mother, my advisor, my best friends Sara and Ryan, my family, and everyone else who helped push me along the way. I am grateful for these people in my life. All of them helped elevate me to a position where now I can do more to pay it forward and help elevate others. That’s the cycle. That’s how it’s supposed to be.
What are some of the most interesting or exciting projects you are working on now?
Right now, my colleagues and I are working on a new mixed-method study examining how conflict in higher education may affect educators’ overall teaching satisfaction, feelings of teacher burn out, and plans to leave their institution. We want to see if educators have effective conflict resolution skills that they implement with their colleagues and their students. If this study reveals that these skills are lacking, we can provide practical implications such as providing training programs to assist educators with better managing colleague conflict and student dissent in the classroom.
Other than that, I just received a grant to continue my research on instructor self-disclosure; the extent to which instructors choose to disclose personal information in the classroom and how that may help build a healthy rapport with their students. There is some research that suggests that this teaching behavior may actually help students learn more if the instructor makes the self-disclosures relevant to the lesson content. I find this research fascinating because I enjoy connecting with my students and want to learn more as to how I can make their educational journey that much more meaningful.
Fantastic. Let’s now shift to our discussion about Conflict Resolution and Mediation. Let’s start with basic definitions so that all of us are on the same page. What exactly is Conflict Resolution?
Before I define conflict resolution, we have to know the definition of conflict. Hocker and Wilmot (2018) define conflict as, “an expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from others in achieving their goals.” The key points in that definition are that conflicts are struggles between parties because they are standing in the way of each other’s goals. Knowing that, conflict resolution is the process whereby we use communication strategies to help parties achieve their respective goals and maintain a healthy communication relationship. For example, Jenny can’t stand when her roommate Kim leaves dirty dishes in the sink for days. Kim can’t stand when Jenny nags her about cleaning up the apartment because she feels she has more important things to do with school and her job. Both parties are trying to achieve their goals, while the other party is interfering with their respective goals. Jenny and Kim could use some conflict resolution strategies.
What is Mediation?
I think Kressel (2014) defines Mediation best as the “process in which disputants attempt to resolve their differences with the assistance of a third-party whom they find acceptable.” The key aspect of mediation is the addition of a third-party to assist the conflicting parties if they are not able to resolve the conflict on their own. Let’s go back to my dirty dishes example between Jenny and Kim. Let’s say their friend Marcus came over to sit them both down and guided them through the dirty dishes issue in order to find some mutually acceptable solution. In this case, Marcus would be conducting a mediation as the mediator. What a swell guy.
How are the fields of Conflict Resolution and Mediation different? How are they similar?
I think I touch on this with the previous question, but I want to reiterate that mediation is a type of resolution under the umbrella of “conflict resolution.” It is also important to note that a mediator has no power to render a solution between the parties. In other words, Marcus the mediator can sit Jenny and Kim down and ask them to talk about possible solutions for the dirty dishes issue. However, Marcus the mediator does not provide the final verdict as to how the roommates will deal with the issue. Both concepts involve using communication and listening strategies to assist parties in resolving their differences and achieving their goals.
Can you share a few examples of cases or disputes that would be brought before a professional in conflict resolution or mediation?
Well, I think that the one that most would think of when they hear “mediation” is a divorce between a married couple. Before going through a divorce and even potential litigation, some states (like Florida) require couples to attempt mediation to see if they can resolve their issues. Another example may include how college students may have to meet with a student affairs mediator to help resolve any roommate issues. You could also think about disputes in the workplace if some employees don’t feel comfortable working with their fellow colleagues. They may ask their immediate supervisor or a human resource professional for assistance in resolving the issue.
What are some common misconceptions about conflict resolution and mediation that you’ve encountered, and how do you address them?
Oh gosh there are plenty of common misconceptions or “conflict myths” out there. The first one that comes to mind is that married couples who are in a conflict is a bad sign for the marriage. It’s actually quite the opposite. I get more nervous when my students and clients tell me that they never engage in conflict because these folks pose a long-term risk for suppression of meeting their own needs and heightened conflict avoidance, which could ultimately hurt the relationship. Conflict is a good sign that both parties are comfortable and willing to speak up to meet their personal needs and find a way to work together to make them both happen for one another. I want people to think of conflict as a good sign in a relationship, not a bad sign.
Another one, specific to mediation, is the idea that it is always better to have a third-party weigh in on a matter. While it is often helpful to have a mediator help reframe the conflict to balance the power and make the parties feel heard, the mediator can make things worse if they do not act in a neutral manner. If the mediator “sides” with one party over another, it can unbalance the power and further escalate the conflict. That is why we teach effective mediation skills to make sure that we check our biases so that we do our best to remain neutral during mediations.
This may be obvious to you, but it will be helpful to spell this out. Can you articulate to our readers why the skills and tools of Conflict Resolution and Mediation are so important?
We don’t like conflict! But conflict is normal and necessary for us to grow. Every single one of us will go through a conflict in our lives. It’s not a matter of if, but when. Therefore, it is important that we know how to navigate these conflicts so we can protect our relationships with the people that we care about the most. Our relationships are one of the most meaningful aspects of our lives. Conflict resolution skills help us maintain and nurture these relationships with our colleagues, family members, and significant others.
Looking back, what are some things that you wish you knew when you first started in this field?
Hands down, negotiation skills *laughs*. I would have negotiated more throughout my life. Everything in life is negotiable. It’s not just for cars, homes, and your salary. We negotiate with every day. We negotiate with our parents like what time our curfew will be on the weekdays. We negotiate with our friends like if I go play tennis with my friend Ryan, then he will come skydiving with me. We negotiate with our significant others about household chores and amount of time spent with one another. I think I could have done a lot more for myself and my relationships if I had realized this sooner.
How has your personal background influenced your approach to conflict resolution and mediation?
Growing up, I was raised around family members that were very conflict avoidant. My mother would often tell me “not to make waves” or to simply “let it go” if I got into a conflict with my sibling or a person at school. Being avoidant is my default. However, that’s not always the healthiest approach because you may be stunting your ability to get what you want and deepen your relationships with others by working through such conflicts. By teaching and practicing conflict resolution, it’s made me much more flexible in the ways I choose to approach conflict based on the context and circumstances.
What role does empathy play in the process of conflict resolution and mediation? Can you share an example from your experience?
Empathy plays a huge role in conflict resolution. One of my favorite weeks of class is when I get to teach the “Emotions in Conflict” lesson. In this lesson, we discuss how emotions and emotional intelligence play a crucial role in the conflict resolution and mediation processes. For example, one of my graduate students, Tom, told me that he kept getting into arguments with his wife because he would show up a little late to her work events or event with their friends. He never thought much of it because he personally doesn’t mind if other people are late. He understands that “stuff happens” in life and doesn’t think twice about it. But then I asked him, “Why do you assume that she perceives lateness in the same way?” He wasn’t sure how to respond. I told him to put himself into her shoes and try to learn her perspective. I wanted him to practice empathy. When I saw him again for our next class, he told me that he talked to his wife about it. When he arrived late to these events, it made her feel disrespected and less important compared to Tom’s work obligations. Tom says he prioritizes his family over work, but this repeated action demonstrated otherwise. This exercise in empathy was a revelational moment for Tom. At the end of our class, he and his wife had figured out some new ground rules about punctuality. It seemed to work great because I remember her thanking me at graduation. Don’t worry, Tom arrived there on time *laughs.*
For someone looking to enter these fields what kind of education and certifications would they need?
It depends because it can vary widely from state-to-state. When my students ask me, “How can I become a certified mediator?” I send them this article from Indeed. I’ll provide the link: https://www.indeed.com/career-advice/finding-a-job/how-to-become-a-mediator. It provides a nice step-by-step plan of things to consider such as picking a specialty area, getting a bachelor’s degree, completing state certification requirements, and gaining relevant experiences. I would also suggest taking a dedicated Conflict Resolution course. For example, I teach Conflict Resolution courses at both the undergraduate and graduate level at the University of Tampa. My courses are always high in-demand and can often count towards meeting your state requirements for certification.
This is our signature question that we ask in many of our interviews. What are your “5 things you need to know to create a successful career in conflict resolution and mediation”?
1 . Certification — A technicality. If you don’t have the credentials to be a certified mediator or conflict resolution expert, you won’t be able to have a successful career in it. Be sure to check out the certification requirements in your state so that you know what you have to do to kickstart your new career.
2 . Listening Skills — Students always want to learn to be better speakers, but do not realize that the key to becoming a better speaker is becoming a better listener. Ineffective listeners spend 80% of their time speaking and 20% of their time listening. Effective listeners are the opposite: 20% of their time speaking and 80% of their time listening. In order to truly understand other people, we have to understand what they are saying and why they are saying it. Otherwise, you may never get to the root cause of the conflict.
3 . Storytelling Skills — During a mediation, there is the “storytelling phase” in which the mediator asks both parties to share their side of the story. The mediator may then reframe each party member’s story to make sure that they are focusing on the most important issues at hand, while removing any blaming or emotionally-driven language. Being able to identify specific story elements and piece them together is integral to becoming an effective mediator.
4 . Empathy — All of us could use a little more empathy, even me. Research has shown that some folks are simply more trait empathetic than others. However, that doesn’t mean that one cannot practice their empathy skills in order to understand and share the feelings of another individual. Empathy helps you put your own opinions and biases aside so that you can listen to the other parties. For example, I’ve worked with people where I don’t share their same religious belief or political affiliations. These are two areas that tend to be ripe with conflict. However, I ask questions to dive deeper into why they hold these beliefs. Once you understand the “why,” it helps you build a connection with that person even if you don’t see every issue in the same light.
5 . Patience — “Patience is a virtue” has been a proverbial phrase that has rang true for centuries and does so too for conflict resolution in this day and age. As a mediator, you may be disrespected, yelled at, and called names by the parties. Conflict is an emotional game and some of that negative emotion may overflow onto you during a mediation. You have to be patient and shake it off. It is not personal. It’s part of the game. You have to be the calm, enduring voice of reason in the situation to help both parties meet a resolution. If you lose your cool, then it is very unlikely that they are going to keep it together as well. One of my favorite quotes about patience comes from stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius when he said, “Be tolerant with others and strict with yourself.” If you can do that, you will be golden.
You are a person of enormous influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
Okay my pipe dream is to install a communication skills course in the K-12 school curriculum. In my college classes, my students often say things like, “Oh my gosh, I wished I had learned this stuff about emotional intelligence and communication years ago. It would have saved so many of my relationships!” I want to answer those calls! However, since I haven’t gotten to that yet, I currently collaborate with an organization that helps teens practice their communication skills, especially those who are more introverted and have difficulties socializing with friends. It’s not much yet, but it’s a start that may hopefully catch on as our society begins to see how important communication skills are to our everyday lives.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
Your wonderful readers can always follow me on LinkedIn (https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-stephen-m-kromka-a1556634?original_referer=) or check out my website at https://stephenkromka.wixsite.com/6666. Feel free to also follow @UtampaSpeech on Instagram to see the day-to-day happenings of our quickly growing Communication & Speech Studies (CSS) undergraduate program and our Masters of Professional Communication (MAPC) graduate program where I teach conflict resolution classes that are applicable to students’ daily lives.
This was very inspiring. Thank you so much for the time you spent with this. We wish you continued success and good health!
Thank you very much for your time and for providing me an opportunity to collaborate with you folks at Authority Magazine.
About the Interviewer: Eric L. Pines is a nationally recognized federal employment lawyer, mediator, and attorney business coach. He represents federal employees and acts as in-house counsel for over fifty thousand federal employees through his work as a federal employee labor union representative. A formal federal employee himself, Mr. Pines began his federal employment law career as in-house counsel for AFGE Local 1923 which is in Social Security Administration’s headquarters and is the largest federal union local in the world. He presently serves as AFGE 1923’s Chief Counsel as well as in-house counsel for all FEMA bargaining unit employees and numerous Department of Defense and Veteran Affairs unions.
While he and his firm specialize in representing federal employees from all federal agencies and in reference to virtually all federal employee matters, his firm has placed special attention on representing Veteran Affairs doctors and nurses hired under the authority of Title. He and his firm have a particular passion in representing disabled federal employees with their requests for medical and religious reasonable accommodations when those accommodations are warranted under the Rehabilitation Act of 1973 (ADA). He also represents them with their requests for Federal Employee Disability Retirement (OPM) when an accommodation would not be possible.
Mr. Pines has also served as a mediator for numerous federal agencies including serving a year as the Library of Congress’ in-house EEO Mediator. He has also served as an expert witness in federal court for federal employee matters. He has also worked as an EEO technical writer drafting hundreds of Final Agency Decisions for the federal sector.
Mr. Pines’ firm is headquartered in Houston, Texas and has offices in Baltimore, Maryland and Atlanta, Georgia. His first passion is his wife and five children. He plays classical and rock guitar and enjoys playing ice hockey, running, and biking. Please visit his websites at www.pinesfederal.com and www.toughinjurylawyers.com. He can also be reached at eric@pinesfederal.com.
Dr. Stephen M Kromka Of The University of Tampa On How To Create A Successful Career In Conflict Re was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.