“Don’t Read Your Amazon Reviews” 5 Insider Tips With Author Armin Brott
When my first book came out I read every review and tried to respond to every one of them — especially the ones that misquoted me, wrongly criticized, or simply said nasty things. Criticism, particularly when it’s unjustified, can sting and make you feel helpless when you’re not able to respond. Once you write something and it gets published, it takes on a life of its own and there’s nothing you can do but apply the Serenity Prayer: develop the courage to change the things you need to change, the good sense to ignore the things you can’t change, and the wisdom to know the difference.
I had the pleasure of interviewing Armin Brott, an author, speaker, blogger, and nationally recognized expert on fatherhood and men’s health. His 10 bestselling books on fatherhood have helped millions of men become the dads they want to be — and that their kids need them to be. Armin’s work has appeared in publications as varied as The New York Times, Washington Post, Wall St. Journal, Newsweek, Men’s Health, Playboy, Glamour, and Sports Illustrated. And he’s been a guest on hundreds of TV and radio shows, including Today, CBS’s morning show, CNN, and Fox. He also writes two nationally syndicated newspaper columns and hosts a radio show that airs on more than 200 stations.
What is your “backstory”?
I consider myself to be a good example of how it’s possible to turn anger into a force for good. When I was an expectant father for the first time, there were no books and no resources to help me make sense of what I was going through. So I set out to write the books I wish I would have had.
Can you share the funniest or most interesting story that occurred to you in the course of your career?
The story that launched my career goes like this: I was in a park with my daughter, who was about a year old, pushing her on the swing. We were right next to a slide, and a little girl game walking up and started climbing the ladder. At the top, she lost her grip and started falling backwards off the ladder. I did what any responsible person would have done — took a step over to the ladder, caught the kid, and set her on the ground. A second later, a woman swoops in, scoops up the child, glares at me, and asks the child, “Did he hurt you?” It was at that moment that I realized that I need to do something to change people’s perceptions of fathers.
What are some of the most interesting or exciting projects you are working on now?
After 20 years of writing, researching, and speaking about fatherhood, I want to change my focus to men’s health and do in that space what I feel I’ve done in the dad space: give men the information and tools they need to encourage them take better care of themselves, and give the public and the media the information and tools they need to support men in living better, healthier lives. Right now, men live shorter (by five years), sicker lives than women. Improving and lengthening men’s lives will improve the lives of everyone else.
Which people in history inspire you the most? Why?
Benjamin Franklin is an idol of mine. When I look at things like cell phones and computers, they’re practically like magic. I use them everyday but have no real understanding of how they work. And I often wonder what Franklin, a brilliant inventor, thinker, and innovator would make of life in the 21st Century.
Which literature do you draw inspiration from? Why?
History and the mysteries of the human mind. I like Malcom Gladwell’s “Blink,” Dan Ariely’s “Predictably Irrational,” and Yuval Harari’s “Sapiens.”
How do you think your writing makes an impact in the world?
From the very beginning, I set out to give men practical advice and guidance that they could implement immediately to be better, more engaged, more involved dads, husbands, and partners. Very few things give me greater pleasure than getting emails from people who’ve been touched by my books or other work and feel that it helped them achieve their goals.
What advice would you give to someone considering becoming an author like you?
Develop a strong stomach. When I first started out writing about fathers, I was the only one. And there was a lot of pushback from people who didn’t think men cared about parenting or children. It took a while to convince them otherwise.
How have you used your success to bring goodness to the world?
Aside from helping dads, moms, and kids, i do a lot of speaking and teaching. I’ve spoken on fatherhood to Navy SEALS, Marines, other military groups, and many civilian conferences and events. I’ve also spoken twice at White House conferences and presented at Congressional briefings on fatherhood and men’s health. I also work very closely with Men’s Health Network, a DC-based educational and advocacy nonprofit.
What are your “5 things I wish someone told me when I first started” and why. Please share a story or example for each.
1. It’s not going to be easy. Writing is a profession that involves more than its fair share of failure and rejection (probably more than baseball, where someone who “fails” 70% of the time and ends up hitting .300 is a big success). To paraphrase Abraham Lincoln, you can satisfy all of the people some of the time and some of the people all of the time, but you can’t satisfy all of the people all of the time.
2. It’s important to set — and maintain — clear boundaries between work and family. Working at home, as I’ve done for more than 20 years, it’s easy to work all the time. Too easy — and too tempting.
3. It’s isolating. I’m perfectly capable of working 15 hours at a stretch, and there are plenty of nights when I realize that I haven’t seen another human being all day (not counting UPS drivers). That’s not healthy or productive.
4. Follow the data. If you’re writing non-fiction, it’s crucial to be intellectually honest and to back up what you say with reliable data. Having a personal agenda is fine, but if you find out that your opinion is based on faulty information and you don’t change it, you’re deceiving your audience. Once they find out — and they always do — you’ve lost them forever.
5. Don’t read your Amazon reviews. When my first book came out I read every review and tried to respond to every one of them — especially the ones that misquoted me, wrongly criticized, or simply said nasty things. Criticism, particularly when it’s unjustified, can sting and make you feel helpless when you’re not able to respond. Once you write something and it gets published, it takes on a life of its own and there’s nothing you can do but apply the Serenity Prayer: develop the courage to change the things you need to change, the good sense to ignore the things you can’t change, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might see this. 🙂
Mark Zuckerberg. He’s a young dad, a man, and a guy who, I believe, has a genuine desire to improve people’s lives. He also happens to have the world’s biggest platform. I’d like to talk with him about my work and ways to engage men in their children’s lives and to get men to take on a more active role in managing their own healthcare. Mental health, for example, is a huge issue that affects men and women very differently. Women are twice as likely to be diagnosed with depression, but men are 4x more likely to commit suicide. If the situation were reversed and women were killing themselves at 4x the rate of men, it would be an immediate public health crisis. But since men are the ones dying, the actual health crisis doesn’t get the attention it deserves. Mark Zuckerberg is uniquely positioned to improve, lengthen, and save men’s lives, which will have the same effect on their families and our society. As they say, a rising tide lifts all boats. And I’m uniquely qualified to help achieve that goal.
Note to our readers: If you appreciated this interview, please click on one of the buttons on the top left to post to your twitter, facebook or pinterest. If 2000 people like you do this, there is a good chance this article may be featured on the homepage. : -)
If you would like to see the entire “5 Things I Wish Someone Told Me” Series In Huffpost, Authority Magazine, ThriveGlobal, and Buzzfeed, click HERE.