An Interview With Jake Frankel
Permission to Be Human: Embrace the full spectrum of your emotions. Accepting both joyous and painful feelings is crucial. Attempting to ignore or suppress negative emotions only amplifies them and allows them to dominate your experience. Recognize that feeling a wide range of emotions is part of being human.
It sometimes feels like it is so hard to avoid feeling down or depressed these days. Between the sad news coming from world headlines, the impact of the ongoing raging pandemic, and the constant negative messages popping up on social and traditional media, it sometimes feels like the entire world is pulling you down. What do you do to feel happiness and joy during these troubled and turbulent times? In this interview series called “Finding Happiness and Joy During Turbulent Times” we are talking to experts, authors, and mental health professionals who share lessons from their research or experience about “How To Find Happiness and Joy During Troubled & Turbulent Times”.
As a part of this series, I had the pleasure of interviewing Tami Muller.
Tami Muller is a speaker, certified happiness trainer, positive psychology coach and author of the new book, How To Be On a Diet for 45 Years and Never Be Thin: A Practical Guide to Freedom and Happiness. Tami also founded the Alumni & Business Club for Dr. Ben-Shahar’s Happiness Studies Academy, which now has members from more than 120 countries who are sharing the importance of the worldwide happiness revolution.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive into the main focus of our interview, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory?
Born and raised in Israel, my journey began in a small town near Tel Aviv. After completing my military service, I went on to obtain an undergraduate degree in Economics and an MBA from Tel Aviv University. 32 years ago, I moved to the United States with my husband and newborn baby, intending only a brief visit to my parents. However, life’s unpredictability became evident when my father unexpectedly passed away at the age of 59. This event led my husband, siblings, and me to honor his legacy by stepping into the family’s environmental remediation business, where I took on the role of Director of Business Development and Marketing.
For 25 years, I dedicated myself to this, navigating the complexities and challenges it presented. Yet, the call of my true passion — the science of happiness and positive psychology — grew increasingly loud. Embracing this calling, I made the bold decision to shift my focus and pursue a path that resonated deeply with my heart. This transition into the world of happiness and positive psychology was not just a career change, but a leap into a field that promises fulfillment and the opportunity to impact lives positively.
What or who inspired you to pursue your career? We’d love to hear the story.
At a community member’s funeral, I was deeply moved by the eulogies that celebrated his life. Friends and family shared stories of his contributions and the significant impact he had on their lives. This moment was a turning point for me; I found myself questioning what legacy I would leave behind. Was my destiny to be remembered only for my achievements in marketing and business development? Who had I truly helped or made a difference to? It became clear to me that I wanted a more meaningful path.
During a trip back to Israel, I reconnected with my long-time friend, Dr. Moshe Ben-Eliezer (Mushi), whom I had worked under in the Israeli Defense Forces (IDF) since I was 19. He encouraged me to explore becoming a happiness coach, igniting a spark within me. This led me to look into the subject and discover the Happiness Studies Academy (HSA) and Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar, a globally recognized authority in the science of happiness and Positive Psychology. My studies under Dr. Ben-Shahar really inspired me, marking the beginning of my journey toward a career dedicated to teaching happiness.
Upon completing my studies, I founded the HSA Alumni and Business Club, serving as its inaugural president. Today, the club boasts thousands of members worldwide, spreading the science of happiness across communities and organizations in over 120 countries. This journey has not only been a pursuit of my calling but also a commitment to creating a lasting impact by making the principles of happiness and well-being accessible globally.
None of us can achieve success without some help along the way. Was there a particular person who you feel gave you the most help or encouragement to be who you are today? Can you share a story about that?
I’ve been incredibly fortunate to receive encouragement and support from my family throughout this journey. My husband and our three adult children have been pillars of strength and support every step of the way. Additionally, Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar has been instrumental in both inspiring and assisting me in my endeavors to write my new book and to pursue teaching and speaking engagements.
What are some of the most interesting or exciting projects you are working on now? How do you think that might help people?
The most exciting project for me now is publishing my book “How To Be On A Diet For 45 Years and Never Be Thin: A Practical Guide To Freedom and Happiness.” The book was published in Israel in 2023 and has now been translated into English. The book will be followed by a series of workshops on happiness. Next year, I’m planning to translate it into more languages to bring the insight and practical tools to people around the world who can use them to become happier.
You are a successful leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
I believe the character traits that contributed to my success are: Humor, Perspective and the “Just Do It” approach. My story and message are universal and I feel that writing about happiness in a light and approachable way can help many people free themselves from the barriers they have to happiness.
For the benefit of our readers, can you briefly let us know why you are an authority about the topic of finding joy?
I graduated from the Certificate Program in Happiness Studies with Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar and the Positive Psychology Coaching Certificate with the Wholebeing Institute, but studying alone doesn’t make one an authority. I walk my talk and practice the principles of Positive Psychology daily. I also teach and speak to hundreds of people around the world. When I started to study the science of happiness, I realized that many of the principles I learned were within me for my entire life and I now teach it to others as well. I help people experience more joy and happiness in their lives.
Ok, thank you for all of that. Let’s now shift to the main focus of our interview about finding joy. Even before the pandemic hit, the United States was ranked at #19 in the World Happiness Report. Can you share a few reasons why you think the ranking is so low, despite all of the privileges and opportunities that we have in the US?
The United States ranks #19 in the World Happiness Report, and a key factor behind this relatively low ranking, despite its wealth and opportunities, is the prioritization of individual achievement over social connections. In contrast, countries like Israel and Costa Rica, which may not match the US in wealth, rank much higher in happiness largely because of the strong emphasis they place on relationships, friendships, and family ties. The Harvard study underscores this by identifying relationships as the number one predictor of happiness. In the US, the pursuit of career success, academic advancement, and the time spent on smartphones and social media often detract from these meaningful connections, contributing to loneliness and depression. This suggests that a shift toward valuing and nurturing close personal ties could be key to enhancing overall happiness in American society.
What are the main myths or misconceptions you’d like to dispel about finding joy and happiness? Can you please share some stories or examples?
A widespread misconception is that achieving success will inherently make us happy. From a young age, we’re conditioned to believe that attending prestigious schools, securing high-paying jobs, and finding the perfect partner are the keys to happiness. However, these achievements often result in only a temporary boost in satisfaction, rather than long lasting happiness. This explains why many individuals who attain fame and wealth suddenly find themselves struggling with depression, substance abuse, and even contemplating suicide. They had anticipated that success would fulfill them, but upon reaching their goals, they discovered it falls short of providing lasting contentment, leaving them with nothing else to strive for.
Research indicates that the relationship between happiness and success is inverse: happiness fosters success, not the other way around. Happier individuals tend to be more successful, creative, and healthier; they enjoy better relationships and even have a longer lifespan. This underscores the importance of applying positive psychology techniques to enhance our happiness, which in turn, can lead to greater success and improved relationships.
In a related, but slightly different question, what are the main mistakes you have seen people make when they try to find happiness? Can you please share some stories or examples?
Common mistakes people make in their pursuit of happiness include:
- Misplacing Importance on External Factors: Many believe that happiness stems from external achievements such as earning a significant income, finding romantic love, or reaching fitness goals. However, these achievements do not guarantee lasting happiness, a central theme of my book.
- Direct Pursuit of Happiness: Research by Iris Mauss has highlighted the “happiness paradox,” where directly chasing happiness can lead to increased depression and decreased happiness. Instead, focusing on indirect paths to happiness — like strengthening relationships, eating healthily, exercising, showing kindness, practicing gratitude, and mindfulness — can lead to genuine, lasting happiness.
- Expecting Constant Elation: There’s a misconception that happiness means experiencing a continuous state of joy. True happiness encompasses a full range of human emotions, including the challenging ones. Accepting and experiencing both pleasurable and painful emotions is essential to authentic happiness. We must allow ourselves to be fully human, acknowledging that the richness of our emotional lives contributes to our overall sense of well-being.
Can you please share with our readers your “5 things you need to live with more Joie De Vivre, more joy and happiness in life, particularly during turbulent times?”
5 Essentials for Living with Joie De Vivre, Especially in Turbulent Times:
- Permission to Be Human: Embrace the full spectrum of your emotions. Accepting both joyous and painful feelings is crucial. Attempting to ignore or suppress negative emotions only amplifies them and allows them to dominate your experience. Recognize that feeling a wide range of emotions is part of being human.
- Gratitude: Cultivate a sense of appreciation for the small wonders in your life. Focusing on the positive aspects can dramatically shift your perspective. Make it a nightly ritual to jot down five things you’re grateful for. This practice can transform your outlook on life.
- Perspective: Develop the trait of perspective, closely linked to happiness and resilience. Remind yourself that challenges and difficult times are temporary with the mantra, “This too shall pass.” A broad perspective helps in navigating life’s ups and downs with grace.
- Cultivate Hope: Start each day by writing down three things you look forward to. This simple exercise can be a powerful antidote to anxiety and depression, fostering a hopeful outlook toward the future.
- Maintain a Healthy Lifestyle: A balanced diet and regular exercise aren’t just good for your body; they bolster your emotional immunity and resilience as well. Prioritizing your physical health has a profound impact on your mental and emotional well-being, enhancing your capacity to experience joy and happiness.
Incorporating these five practices into your daily life can significantly enhance your ability to live with more joy and happiness, even during the most challenging times.
What can concerned friends, colleagues, and life partners do to effectively help support someone they care about who is feeling down or depressed?
The most crucial support we can offer our loved ones when they’re feeling down or depressed is to listen and be present without succumbing to the urge to “fix” their problems. Acknowledging their feelings and pain is vital, as it validates their experience and shows that you understand their struggle. It’s important to approach them with kindness and generosity, refraining from judgment and not pressuring them to talk or to “snap out of it” prematurely.
Ok, we are nearly done. You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good for the greatest number of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger.
Reflecting on the journey and insights shared previously, if I could inspire a movement to bring about significant positive change, it would focus on promoting the science of happiness and positive psychology at a global level.
Given the impact that happiness and well-being can have on all aspects of society — from reducing mental health issues to improving productivity and fostering social harmony — this movement has the potential to create a ripple effect, leading to significant improvements in global happiness and well-being. By spreading the message that happiness is a skill that can be cultivated through intentional practice and by supporting one another, we can inspire a global shift toward a more fulfilled, compassionate, and connected world.
We are very blessed that some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we both tag them 😊
Given the opportunity to meet someone influential, my choice would be Oprah Winfrey. Presenting her with a signed copy of my book would be a profound honor, as I deeply admire her spiritual journey and her ongoing exploration of topics such as dieting, happiness, and overall well-being. Oprah’s commitment to personal growth and her ability to inspire others on their paths align closely with the themes of my book. I believe that the insights and perspectives offered in my work could resonate with her and, by extension, provide comfort and a sense of freedom to her vast audience. Engaging in a conversation with Oprah about these subjects could amplify the message of cultivating happiness and positive psychology with a touch of humor, reaching people worldwide and encouraging them to embrace a more fulfilled and joyful life.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
TamiMuller.com
Thank you for these really excellent insights, and we greatly appreciate the time you spent with this. We wish you continued success and good health!
Author Tami Muller On Finding Happiness and Joy During Turbulent Times was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.