An Interview With Sara Connell
Don’t let anyone else tell your story. People are going to disagree with you — but don’t change the narrative to make others happy.
As a part of my series about “How To Write A Book That Inspires” I had the pleasure of interviewing Kerry Schwartz.
What do you call trauma and drama sprinkled with some pain and a little pleasure? The life of Kerry Schwartz, of course. Join Kerry on her journey as she dissects her chaotic love life, beginning on the sometimes-shady streets of Brooklyn, New York, to the smoke and mirrors of Los Angeles. From prepubescent obsessions, to becoming the obsession of a mobster, surviving a kidnapping, and outsmarting a scam artist; the ex- reality star, turned filmmaker has lived a life straight out of a movie.
Italian-Jewish, underdog turned butterfly, Kerry seesaws her way through the ups and downs of life’s traumas. She opens up about her battle with anxiety and depression as a part of her ongoing transformation into a mental health advocate. Skeletons are revealed as she dishes about online dating, randy romps with celebrities, and the beautiful friendships she’s made along the way. Using a comedic flare, Kerry shares some of her most intimate details, digging deep to discover her true self-worth, purpose and somehow, finding self-love in a Series of Unfortunate Men. By sharing her story, she hopes to help others do the same.
Thank you so much for joining us! Can you share the “backstory” about how you grew up?
Thank you for having me! I was born and raised in Brooklyn, NY. My mother, a beautiful Italian woman and my father an American Jew. I guess you can call me a Pizza Bagel!
I have to say, I’m very thankful for that now. I got to grow up and learn about both Christianity and Judaism.
My parents divorced when I was around 5 years old. (I talk about this in my “Daddy Issues” chapter.) So, I grew up with my mother and my older sister, Melanie. It was a messy, traumatic divorce which resulted in almost never seeing my father.
You also grow up quickly in Brooklyn. You learn street smarts by the time you’re 10! Although I live in LA now, I’ll always be a Brooklyn girl at heart!
When you were younger, was there a book that you read that inspired you to take action or changed your life? Can you share a story?
There isn’t necessarily a book I read when I was younger that inspired me. Ironically, I was never much of a reader until recently! As far as book’s that have inspired me, they all fall into my adulthood. Mia Kang’s “Knockout” was my main inspiration for writing my own book. She has been through similar battles as me. Mental health, Drug addiction, body dysmorphia and abusive relationships. I’d say reading her book helped me gain the courage to write my own story.
“The Secret” is also an all-time favorite and consider it my bible.
What was the moment or series of events that made you decide to bring your message to the greater world? Can you share a story about that?
For me, It was my mental health. Last year on Valentine’s day, I woke up to my very first Panic Attack. For months I’d get Nocturnal panic attacks every night, which caused debilitating anxiety and depression. It was as if I was in a battle with my own brain- and NOTHING helped. Overtime, with therapy and Hypno- therapy I was forced to deal with all the traumas that I buried in my subconscious. The Panic attacks were my body’s way of telling me it was time to heal. I started to open about my issues on social media and quickly realized I wasn’t alone. Not only that, my willingness to be open with my struggles started to inspire and help others in their journeys as well. I knew this was a sign- I needed to share my story in a much bigger way. I decided to write a book.
What impact did you hope to make when you wrote this book?
I want to normalize struggle. We all have skeletons and have made decisions in our past we aren’t proud of. But that doesn’t make us bad people.
I want to become a relatable voice to help others own their stories. I want to create a non-judgmental zone- a safe place. I want to help other women without a voice in abusive relationships, and more importantly, inspire them not to settle for less than they deserve.
What moment let you know that your book had started a movement? Please share a story.
I think this goes back to when I was being open about my struggles on social media. The outpouring of love and support from people suffering from the same things that I do. I realized I had a world-wide tribe of people who wanted to share their stories but were too scared to. I opened up a safe space for them- they started sharing their stories with me and thanking me.
What is the most moving or fulfilling experience you’ve had as a result of writing this book? Can you share a story?
Every time I get a message or comment from people who’ve read my book saying it’s helped them or even saved their life. Helping others is and will always be the most fulfilling part of this journey. (As cheesy as that may sound.)
Have you experienced anything negative? Do you feel there are drawbacks to writing a book that starts such colossal conversation and change?
Absolutely. First let me say, as liberating as it was writing this book, it’s also been terrifying. I’m writing about my abusers and my flaws. There’s been some people who judge me for my past decisions and mistakes. And of course, having to relive my past over and over every time I talk about the book. The hardest part overall is hearing from ex- boyfriends and their families/ friends. Although I don’t name names in the book- they know who they are.
Can you articulate why you think books in particular have the power to create movements, revolutions, and true change?
They can be a voice or place of comfort for people who don’t have anyone to talk to. They are also a form of escapism. I admit the book world is new to me, as I’ve never been a big reader. But since I joined the “book club” I’ve seen how one message in a book can spread like wildfire. Imagine
What is the one habit you believe contributed the most to you becoming a writer? (i.e. perseverance, discipline, play, craft study) Can you share a story or example?
My passion in storytelling. And coffee…lots of coffee!
What challenge or failure did you learn the most from in your writing career? Can you share the lesson(s) that you learned?
Getting in my own damn way. Not believing In myself, telling myself I wasn’t a writer. I’ve always been a story-teller working in film. However, my biggest challenge was writing and getting things down on paper. I’d always tell myself “I’m not a writer,” “I could never write a book.” And I think that’s what’s so interesting about being an author. Actually calling myself an AUTHOR! Never EVER limit yourself. We constantly tell ourselves, we could never do this or that. And that’s not okay- we are capable of doing anything we put our mind to. Sure, I needed an editor to help with the process, but that doesn’t discredit the fact that I wrote a 258 page book!
What are the 5 things writers need to know if they want to spark a movement with a book?
1) KEEP IT REAL! BE AUTHENTIC! For years I didn’t know who I was, I’d constantly mold myself into what others wanted me to be. I wound up attracting all the wrong people into my life. I think this is the same when writing a book.. If you stay true to the movement and your story, you will attract the right audience and it will be more of a success.
2) Don’t let anyone else tell your story. People are going to disagree with you — but don’t change the narrative to make others happy.
3) BE VULNERABLE on your socials. ( Even if you have a small following) Create short videos leading up to your story. Spark interest before you even finish the book. I started creating video teasers and people LOVED it. They’d keep asking, “WHEN IS THE BOOK COMING?”
4) Do your research on the subject/ movement you’re writing about. Make sure you’re writing about your story but also stating facts. For example- if you’re writing about people, make sure you fact check and have your stories straight.
5) LOVE the process. Have patience and don’t rush it. With the right amount of time, love and care, your book can change the world. Nothing worth having comes easy.
The world, of course, needs progress in many areas. What movement do you hope someone (or you!) starts next? Can you explain why that is so important?
My message is teaching others how to turn their Traumas into Trophies. Letting the world know that there is PURPOSE in PAIN. Giving the readers a sense of hope through my stories!
How can our readers follow you on social media?
@Comfywithkerry
@seriesofunfortunate_men
Thank you so much for these insights. It was a true pleasure to do this with you.
Author Kerry Schwartz On How To Write A Book That Inspires was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.