Author Dr Lanya McKittrick Of Silence and Light On The 5 Things Parents Can Do To Help Their Children Thrive and Excel In School
An Interview With Jake Frankel
Build Strong Relationships with Educators — Parents know their children better than anyone else. If a child has a low incidence disability, parents may be most knowledgeable about that disability than anyone else on the team. Regular communication with teachers, special educators, and professionals is key to supporting academic and social progress. Attend school meetings and share observations from home; they may differ from observations in school.
School is really not easy these days. Many students have been out of school for a long time because of the pandemic, and the continued disruptions and anxieties are still breaking the flow of normal learning. What can parents do to help their children thrive and excel in school, particularly during these challenging and anxiety-provoking times?
To address this, we started a new series called ‘5 Things Parents Can Do To Help Their Children Thrive and Excel In School.” In this interview series, we are talking to teachers, principals, education experts, and successful parents to learn from their insights and experience.
As a part of this interview series, I had the pleasure to interview Dr. Lanya McKittrick.
Lanya McKittrick is a mom of four sons, including one who has learning disabilities and two who have Usher syndrome, the leading genetic cause of deafblindness. She is an author, public speaker, trainer, and special education and family support consultant.
Twenty years after her oldest son’s diagnosis with Usher syndrome and a long struggle with the special education system, she received her Ph.D. in Special Education from the University of Northern Colorado. Lanya is now a special education researcher focused on research specific to families of children with low incidence disabilities. She is passionate about making the special education Individualized Education Program (IEP) process more collaborative. Her research, advocacy, and family support work are rooted in her personal experience as a mom.
Lanya is actively involved in special education parent advocacy and family support. She is the Chair of the Usher Syndrome Coalition, co-founder of the Hear See Hope Foundation, founder of Lane of Inquiry — Deafblind Family Support and Research, and the Family Engagement Coordinator for the Washington Deafblind Program. She enjoys helping families like hers by sharing her story in various ways.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dive in, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you share with us a bit about your “backstory”?
I’m a mom to four amazing boys. 24 years ago, my oldest son was diagnosed as being profoundly deaf. A few years later he was also diagnosed with a progressive eye disorder that would lead to him to be blind by early adolescence. Being a rare disability, I struggled with where we fit into the special education system. So, I decided to go back to school to get my doctorate in special education so I could have more tools in my toolkit to help my own kids and families like mine. Today I focus on family support. I recently published my memoir, Silence and Light, in hopes that sharing my story helps families like mine feel less alone.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
When I first started my PhD program, I had imposter syndrome big time. Because I didn’t have a degree in education, I thought that I knew less than my peers. When we went around introducing ourselves in class, I started by saying “I’m just a mom.” That professor impacted my life when she said “hold up — you are not ‘just a mom.’ You probably know the same, if not more, than all of us about special education. Don’t sell yourself short.” In that moment, I learned that just because my path looked different, didn’t mean that I was any less worthy of a seat in the PhD program. Still today, every time I doubt myself, I think back to that day.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much. — Helen Keller
As a parent of children with a low incidence disability, you can feel alone even when you are not alone. It can be frustrating to feel like no one really understands what you are going through. I wouldn’t be here today if it weren’t for my children’s amazing Individualized Education Program (IEP) teams. I’ve seen first-hand the power of collaboration on positive student outcomes. Additionally, it took me years after the diagnosis to let people help me. I felt isolated and alone. Once I let people in, and let them really help me, I felt a weight lifted from me. This is why this quote is so impactful to me. It took me years to understand the importance of community. Plus I love that this quote is written by the most well-known and impactful Deafblind individual.
You are a successful leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
- Empathy — As a family support professional, I help families all the time. What I know from spending time with families is that you need to meet families where they are at. Oftentimes, that means just listening to them and guiding their understanding to know they aren’t alone. There is such power in family-to-family support. There are still days — even 24 years after my son’s diagnosis — that I rely on the community of family-to-family support. Just recently, I had the pleasure of connecting with a family who just found out that their unborn child will have the same genetic condition that my kids have — which will lead to deafblindness. To support them, I took the time to listen and to show great empathy in the difficult time they are experiencing. I told them that it was going to be hard but it was going to be ok. I put myself in their shoes and knew that sharing too many resources, emotions, or ideas would be overwhelming. What they really needed was someone to show them they are not alone. Empathy is the trait that I’m most proud of. It’s helped me be a good mom, successful parent, and professional leader in the field of deafblindness, and a good special education researcher.
- Resilience — Life has thrown me a lot of curveballs and often I didn’t want to get up and face the day. Life’s challenges seemed insurmountable. But, I knew I couldn’t give up. My kids relied on me and to help families like mine, I had to be strong. To do this, I had to protect my energy and practice self-care. If I didn’t, when I would talk with families about their struggles, I’d start to shut down because I could feel their struggles like they were my own. I practiced resiliency by advocating tirelessly for my child’s (and other children’s) educational and social needs, often navigating complex systems to ensure my children receive appropriate support. I adapted to new challenges with a positive outlook, and found creative solutions and resources. By connecting with other families and sharing my experience, I built a supportive network through The Usher Syndrome Coalition and have had the opportunity to amplify the voices of those facing similar journeys, particularly with Lane of Inquiry. Through every setback, I remained committed to learning and growing, using each obstacle as an opportunity for personal and community development.
- Grit — As a parent of a child who is deafblind, I use grit by persistently advocating for my child’s rights and needs, even when I face repeated setbacks and challenges. I went back to get more training by getting my doctorate in special education. I pushed forward with determination, developing expertise in areas like special education, healthcare, and assistive technology to ensure my child had every opportunity to succeed. I try to inspire others to keep going and fight for progress, no matter what challenges they are experiencing. I help them to balance hope with reality.
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think that will help people?
As I previously mentioned, I recently published my memoir. I’m hoping to create a support group for families like mine — a place where they can ask questions without shame, guilt, or judgment. A place where they can connect with other families in a safe environment. I am also working on creating a training program for families of children with disabilities to help them to build out their leadership skills that will help them in advocating for their children in the IEP process.
For the benefit of our readers, can you tell us a bit about why you are an authority on how to help children succeed in school?
I am both a parent and a professional in the field of deafblindness, a low incidence disability. In both of these roles, I’ve talked with countless parents about their experiences — what is important to them. I’ve conducted many research projects in the field of special education, talking with families about their successes and challenges in the special education system. Also, during COVID, I was a Senior Research Analyst at the Center on Reinventing Public Education. In that role, I researched what was working for students and what wasn’t working. The impact of the pandemic was devastating for many children, especially those with disabilities. But some good came out of it too and we learned that not all kids learn the same way, that being flexible was important, that we have a mental health crisis on our hands, and that technology can help level the playing field.
Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the main focus of our interview. Can you help articulate the main challenges that students face today that make it difficult to succeed in school?
Not all of us learn the same way. Every child is unique in their gifts and challenges. We need an education system that is built on that premise. But, the unfortunate reality is that our education system is not designed for those children who are on the margins. I was hopeful after the pandemic that more educators would implement Universal Design for Learning (UDL) and help build scaffolding and technology into their curriculum so that everyone in the class could be successful, regardless of how they learn — that there would be multiple ways to gain knowledge and show mastery. We have made progress but have a long way to go.
Can you suggest a few reforms that you think schools should make to help students to thrive and excel?
- Implement Universal Design for Learning — One school reform that should be implemented is Universal Design for Learning (UDL) because it creates an inclusive educational environment where all students, regardless of their abilities or learning styles, can thrive. By providing multiple means of engagement, representation, and expression, UDL ensures that lessons are accessible and adaptable, allowing students to interact with material in ways that work best for them. This approach not only supports students with disabilities but also benefits the entire classroom by promoting flexibility, creativity, and diverse learning opportunities.
- Active Parent Involvement in the IEP process — A critical school reform should be the active involvement of parents in the IEP process, as mandated by the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA), to ensure their voices are truly heard and valued. While the law emphasizes parent participation, the reality often falls short, leaving families feeling excluded or unheard in crucial decisions about their child’s education. Elevating the family voice is essential to create meaningful partnerships, ensuring that educational plans are truly individualized and reflective of the child’s needs and strengths from the family’s perspective.
Can you please share your “5 Things Parents Can Do To Help Their Children Thrive and Excel In School?”
1.Build Strong Relationships with Educators — Parents know their children better than anyone else. If a child has a low incidence disability, parents may be most knowledgeable about that disability than anyone else on the team. Regular communication with teachers, special educators, and professionals is key to supporting academic and social progress. Attend school meetings and share observations from home; they may differ from observations in school.
Often what parents see at home is different from what educators and classmates see at school. Right before the pandemic, my elementary age son was struggling with school and I didn’t know how to help him. He would come home at the end of the day frustrated and upset. I was also getting emails from his teachers asking me for advice about situations that had occurred several days prior. When COVID hit, things changed. I was able to see first hand how my son learned and what struggles he had during the day. I was able to text the teacher in real-time and address things as they came up. This was a game changer for me to have in-time communication with the school team. I’ve taken this advice to heart and I talk to my son’s school teams about communication at the start of each year. They know how important collaborative relationships are to the success of my child.
2. Foster Self-Advocacy and Self-Determination — Empower your children to express their needs and advocate for themselves. Give them opportunities to make their own choices. Foster independence and confidence at home and at school.
I share more details about this situation in my memoir, but, when my son was nine he was struggling with school. He was missing a lot of information at school but, because of his hearing and vision loss, he “didn’t know what he didn’t know” — he didn’t know what he was missing in the class. I had heard that a Teacher of the Deaf could really help a student like mine by working collaboratively with the teacher to pre-teach and reteach concepts that might be more complex. I advocated for this with his IEP team and was shut down. They didn’t see what I was seeing, and I was frustrated. It was at this point that a light bulb went on. He could do a better job than me at explaining his needs. So, I decided to focus, instead of advocating for him, on coaching him to be an advocate for himself. As a result, he was able to get the needed support.
3. Provide Social Opportunities — Arrange playdates and activities that match your child’s interests to help them interact with both typically developing peers and those with disabilities.
Some children have a more difficult time in social situations. I was working with a family who was trying to figure out how to help foster these peer relationships. The mom ended up arranging a weekly art class at a local business tailored for children of all abilities. This class focused on activities like painting, sculpting, or crafting, which encourage collaboration and creativity while providing a structured environment where children feel safe to express themselves. By matching the activity to the child’s interest in art, it became easier for her child to engage with peers, build friendships, and practice social skills in a relaxed, enjoyable setting that accommodates different abilities.
4. Connect with Other Families — Family-to-family support is invaluable. Connect with families who have had similar experiences. Having someone who “gets it” can be reassuring to have a listening ear, provide suggestions, and share resources.
As a parent of a child with a low incidence disability, I understand first-hand the importance of family-to-family support. When I first received my son’s diagnosis, I felt overwhelmed and alone, unsure of where to turn or how to navigate this journey. Connecting with other parents who had been through similar experiences was incredibly helpful; they offered not only practical advice but also a sense of understanding and hope. Hearing their stories and knowing I wasn’t alone made all the difference — it gave me the strength to advocate for my child and to believe in our ability to overcome challenges together.
5. Check In with Your Child — Ask open-ended questions about school, like “What was the best part of your day?” Observing mood and behavior, and noticing anything out of the ordinary, can help identify challenges early and allow you to involve the school team when needed.
By observing their mood and behavior closely, I can spot when something feels off or different. For example, there was a time when my child seemed more withdrawn and anxious about going to school, so I reached out to their teacher and the IEP team to discuss what might be going on and to find solutions. Being proactive and attentive has allowed me to address challenges early and ensure my child gets the support they need.
As you know, teachers play such a huge role in shaping young lives. What would you suggest needs to be done to attract top talent to the education field?
As a mom of children with disabilities, I believe that attracting top talent to the education field starts with valuing and supporting our teachers more effectively. First, we need to offer competitive salaries and benefits that reflect the critical role they play in shaping young lives, especially when it comes to students with diverse needs. Second, we should provide ongoing professional development opportunities focused on inclusive practices and special education, ensuring teachers feel confident and equipped to work with all students. Finally, creating a supportive work environment with mentorship, mental health resources, and smaller class sizes can help prevent burnout and show prospective teachers that their well-being and professional growth are priorities.
We are blessed that some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, with whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this if we tag them 🙂
Haben Girma, an American disability rights advocate and the first Deafblind graduate of Harvard Law. I hear she’s an amazing person and I’d love the opportunity to meet her someday.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
Yes, my work can be found at www.lanyamckittrick.com and www.laneofinquiry.org. Information about how to order my book can be found there, along with my blogs, and special education research.
Thank you so much for these insights! This was so inspiring!
Author Dr Lanya McKittrick Of Silence and Light On The 5 Things Parents Can Do To Help Their Childr was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.