An Interview With Sara Connell
… Surround yourself with positive people. I wasn’t very far along in my book and was feeling quite discouraged when I went to a networking meeting. We sat around a table discussing a problems each of us were dealing with. They ranged from child-care and housing, to committee fliers that had to go out, and for me, the lack of time I had to devote to the book I was writing. Everyone, including myself, volunteered to be on the committee to get the fliers out, but when I told them what my book was about, the facilitator said, “You can’t be on the committee. You have an important book to write. She asked me what chapter I was on and said she wanted to hear that I had completed it and two others by the following month. I went home and wrote them and what I realized was that my problem had not been a lack of time, but a lack of support. Her encouragement was all I needed.
Books have the power to shape, influence, and change our lives. Why is that so? What goes into a book that can shape lives? To address this we are interviewing people who can share a story about a book that changed their life, and why. As a part of our series, I had the pleasure of interviewing Carren Strock.
Carren Strock believes that creativity has no boundaries and that it is only desire and determination that separate those who succeed from those who don’t. She is equally at home with a paintbrush and canvas, a needle and thread, or a hammer and nails, and is as eclectic in her writing as she is in her other interests. While best known for her definitive sociological study, Married Women Who Love Women and More, now in it’s third edition, she is also the author of an autobiographical how-to book on writing, an exciting mystery, a lesbian paranormal romance, and more. www.carrenstrock.com
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to get to know you a bit more. Can you tell us a bit about your “backstory” and how you grew up?
I grew up in a three room apartment in Brooklyn, New York with an older brother and a younger sister. We played iron tag and stoop-ball and raced our bikes around the block until it got dark. When the weather was bad we played board games around the kitchen table with my mom and dad.
My mom made our clothes, and my dad built our bunk beads and dresser, but they made no distinctions between sexes when it came to chores. My brother could sew and clean as well as my sister and I could.
My parents believed that we could do anything we put our minds to. When I was eight I decided that my small Ginny doll needed a cradle. My dad took me to the hobby shop and bought me a piece of balsa wood, a hack saw, paint, and glue, and I made one. When I showed an interest in art, my mom came home with a set of paints for me.
During summer vacations we went fishing (in a row boat) and we camped. We were each allowed to bring a friend, and we had marshmallows over an open fire, and then, wall to wall people in one small tent. I can still remember the giggles as we all settled down for the night. The warmth and closeness I felt with my family as I was growing up is still with me.
Let’s talk about what you are doing now, and how you achieved the success that you currently enjoy. Can you tell our readers a bit about the work you are doing?
I believe that success and happiness are linked. I learned long ago that it isn’t what you have that makes you happy, it’s the ability to be happy with what you have. I have that ability, and so I consider myself extremely successful.
I am currently working on a novel about a fourteen year old ghost, set in 1905 and having lots of fun with it. Although I am best known for my book Married Women Who Love Women and More, I am also editing the sequel to my mystery, In the Shadow of the Wonder Wheel, and trying hard to find someone in the movie industry who is looking for a great project. My adventure novel, Secret Survivors would make a great family movie.
You are a successful leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
1. Perseverance — I never say never.
I had a dream of being a writer until my first college English paper was handed back to me with a large red C on it. I asked the professor what I could do to improve my work and he said, “Some people are writers and some are not. And you are not a writer.” I believed him and didn’t pick up a pen for more than fifteen years. When I finally stopped hearing his voice in my head, I began to write and my first book sold to a major publisher. So I try to share THIS STORY whenever I have a speaking engagement just to let people know not to let anyone hold them back from their dreams.
2. Confidence
I was very shy as a child. The summer I turned fifteen I was away from home working as a mother’s helper. I had no one to talk to and was miserable for the first two weeks. Then I decided to approach the first girl I saw with a small child, thinking that if I made a fool of myself, I’d just call my parents to take me home. “Hi,” I said, “I’m a mother’s helper. Are you?” She was so happy I’d spoken to her. She had been as lonely as I had been. I approached several other girls after that and by the end of the week we had become a group. What I realized was that everyone was shy and waiting for someone else to make that first move toward friendship. My confidence growing, I approached another woman. “Hi,” I said, “I’m mother’s helper. Are you?”
“Gracious no,” she said. “I’m the mother.” I was able to laugh her response off. But if she were the first person I’d ever approached, I’d probably be alone in a room now and not speaking to anyone.
3. Tenacious
I am persevering, persistent, and determined to finish a project once I begin it. But I am also able to step away if I change my mind.
What’s the WHY behind the work that you do? Please share a story about this if you can.
I do what I do to empower women to be their authentic selves.
I was at a doctor’s office and an older woman walked in. She had taken a day from work to prepare for and have a procedure done. She was nervous. The receptionist asked for the doctor’s prescription. She didn’t have it and was told that it could not be done without the note. The woman, distraught was about to leave. “Wait,” I said to the receptionist, “no one walks in off the street and asks for this. Her doctor sent her. Call him.” She dialed, didn’t get an answer, and again asked the woman to make another appointment and leave. “No,” I said. “I want to see your manager.” Long story short, I finally reached the individual who agreed to let the woman have the procedure and told the receptionist to keep trying the doctor for the note.
The woman turned to me with tears in her eyes. “I didn’t know I had that right” she said.
My heart went out to this woman and I began to wonder how many other older women were stuck in that same place of blindly following orders without knowing they could stand up for themselves. My writing and speaking engagements are all done in hopes of empowering women.
None of us are able to achieve success without some help along the way. Is there a particular person who you are grateful towards who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story about that?
I’d have to credit my mom. She overcame many burdens in life but she took them all in her stride. Her philosophy, “You just gottta do what you gotta do.” Each time I become frustrated, or want to stop, I hear her telling me this and I continue on..
Awesome! Let’s now jump to the primary focus of our interview. I’m an author and I believe that books have the power to change lives. Can you please tell our readers about “The Book That Changed Your Life”? Can you share a story about how it impacted you?
I had been married for 25 years when I fell in love with another woman and my world turned upside down. My feelings were not reciprocated. Feeling totally alone, I had to contend with not only the loss of my dearest friend, but also the realization that I might be a lesbian. Who could I tell? Where could I turn for help? I knew of no one in the lesbian world, and so, I turned my thoughts and feelings inward and picked up my pen. My book, Married Women Who Love Women began as a catharsis for myself and ultimately came to be a guiding light for a great many other women making, or coming to terms with, discoveries like mine. Through my writings, I have learned much about who I really am.
What was the moment or series of events that made you decide that you wanted to take a specific course of action based on the inspiration from the book? Can you share a story about that?
Soon after my book Married Women Who Love Women came out, I was doing a talk. A woman came up to me crying and hugging my book to her. This was in the late 1990s. She said that she had fallen in love with another woman and didn’t know where to turn or who to talk to. She thought the best thing she could do for her husband and children was to kill herself. She had planned her own suicide on a night she knew her family would be home late. She was walking past a bookstore on her way home from work, for what she thought would be the last time, when she passed a bookstore. They were just putting my book in the window and when she saw the title she realized she wasn’t alone and changed her mind about dying.
It was then that I realized the true importance of my book and the responsibility I had to let other women know they weren’t alone.
Can you articulate why you think books in particular have the power to create movements, revolutions, and true change?
Books are a form of communication with a boomerang affect.
A book has many aspects, of course. For example, you have the writing style, the narrative tense, the topic, the genre, the design, the cover, the size, etc. In your opinion, what are the main, essential ingredients needed to create a book that can change lives?
The book needs to be memorable, meaningful, timely, and relevant to the needs of the reader. It needs to be positive and affirming.
What are your “5 Things I Wish Someone Told Me Before I Started My Career” and why?
1. Surround yourself with positive people. I wasn’t very far along in my book and was feeling quite discouraged when I went to a networking meeting. We sat around a table discussing a problems each of us were dealing with. They ranged from child-care and housing, to committee fliers that had to go out, and for me, the lack of time I had to devote to the book I was writing. Everyone, including myself, volunteered to be on the committee to get the fliers out, but when I told them what my book was about, the facilitator said, “You can’t be on the committee. You have an important book to write. She asked me what chapter I was on and said she wanted to hear that I had completed it and two others by the following month. I went home and wrote them and what I realized was that my problem had not been a lack of time, but a lack of support. Her encouragement was all I needed.
2.. Make a list of the negative people in your life and don’t talk to them about your projects. They will only bring you down.
3. Rejections are a normal part of every writer’s life. Don’t take them personally.
4. Writing is a lonely profession. Connect with other writers who will understand.
5. Rewriting agin and again is a normal part of writing. If you take yourself seriously, others will too.
The world, of course, needs progress in many areas. What movement do you hope someone (or you!) starts next? Can you explain why that is so important?
We live in a clan mentality. We do not see people for who they are but for who we want them to be. We all need to gain the confidence to move out of our prescribed boxes. Only then will we be able to see people for who they really are.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
Readers can follow my work on my website www.carrenstrock.com or on my Facebook author page, Carren Strock Author.
Thank you so much for taking the time to share with us and our readers. We know that it will make a tremendous difference and impact thousands of lives. We are excited to connect further and we wish you so much joy in your next success.
Author Carren Strock On The Book That Changed Her Life was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.