Workplace Conflict Resolution: Zoe Fragou On How Team Leaders Can Create The Right Environment To Resolve Conflicts
An Interview With Eric Pines
Stop sweeping under the carpet. Most people do that again and again, thinking that they are doing conflict resolution, until this carpet gets so bumpy they start stumbling over it. Every time we find a way to misdirect a conversation or to keep it low and take the tension away from the conflict, it doesn’t necessarily mean that the conflict is managed and resolved and it’s probably going to reappear. We should embrace conflict as a natural part of existing in the workspace and at the same time we shouldn’t let it escalate. Try to solve every conflict when it’s still at the level of dispute.
An important component of leadership is conflict resolution. Why is conflict resolution so important? How can leaders effectively incorporate conflict resolution into their work culture? In this interview series called “Workplace Conflict Resolution: How Team Leaders Can Create The Right Environment To Resolve Conflicts,” we are talking to business leaders who can share insights and anecdotes from their experience about how to implement Conflict Resolution at work. As part of this series, we had the pleasure of interviewing Zoe Fragou.
Mrs. Fragou is an Organizational Psychologist with an MSc in Human Resources Management, a clinical psychologist license, a diploma in Business Coaching & Mentorship and a Certificate in Agile Leadership. At the moment, she is a PhD Candidate at Panteion University, and her research is mainly focused on the psychometrics of the corporate culture. Alongside her academic interests, she is operating professionally in the full spectrum of her science, taking over projects of culture transformation, employee training and development, business coaching, personal branding, public speaking, and writing, for both private and corporate clients globally. She is a mentor for Women on Top, a feministic organization trying to bring equality in the workspace, a senior member of the Hellenic Institute of Coaching, and was voted best career coach in the Global Coaching Conference of 2021 and top 15 coaches in Athens in 2023. Since September 2023, she is also a trainer for WHO, developing the executives of the organization on leadership and mental health.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series. Before we dive into our discussion, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you share with us the backstory about what brought you to your specific career path?
If you are waiting for a “I always knew my calling” answer, I will disappoint you. I’ve changed my mind more times than I can count, and up to this day, I still can’t say for sure that I won’t change my mind again!
The reason I chose psychology to begin with, is because I had a sincere interest in becoming a better listener but until the age of 23, I wasn’t sure if this was the best professional choice for me. That was until I discovered the subgenre of organizational psychology that combines the business mindset and psychological depth, when I felt that this is something that makes sense for me.
And even after that, I have been operating inside the entire spectrum of my science: I work as a corporate trainer, a business coach, a public speaker while at the same time I write a book, I do a PhD and I produce content around my work daily.
Viewing my career as a ladder was never enough for me; I prefer viewing it as a playground, where I get to involve myself in various activities at the same time and grow towards different directions instead of just vertically.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?
I have several interesting stories, but the one I will never forget is when an orthodox Jew came to me incognito because he needed some business coaching…. To become a rabbi!
For several months he didn’t even reveal his true name to me, since discussing with a therapist is against his religion and it would have severe implications in his life, had it been known. But after some time, he trusted me, and we got to work together pretty well… He even became a rabbi eventually!
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Do you have a story about how that was relevant in your life?
I always like to say, “You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great” and I think I’ve made this my life motto because it has both a deeper meaning and a very practical application to it at the same time.
In this life, the more your actions, the more you’re searching and the more you’re experimenting, the more possible it is to find reward out there. Therefore, if you don’t know what to do, the solution isn’t to fix your mind on something specific and become 100% obsessed with this one thing. If anything, you should be as open as possible, try as many things as possible and then realize that maybe some elements of one thing make sense and then these elements from this other thing. Start thinking how you can combine them and if you’re good at that, just take it from there.
What do you think makes your company stand out? Can you share a story?
My company specializes in culture change projects. Organizations usually call us when they have been going under a very specific change, like a merger, an acquisition, or a new development in the management succession with a CEO who wants for example to bring a new breath to the company by changing its values.
Essentially, what we do is manage and onboard this change through various interventions like employee trainings, leadership development, team-building activities, psychometric evaluations, 1:1 coaching sessions and any other action that will strengthen mental health and equality in the workplace, since these are the values we are promoting and therefore our projects are always towards this orientation.
If something makes me and by extent my company stand out, that’s the fact that I do what I always do. I’m focusing on my work. Not on what others are doing. Not on how I will take an award. Not on where the competition gets their inspiration. I’m doing my work with my style and my personality. I develop all of it, non-stop, as much as I can, because at the end of the day, for me at least, it was never about success for the sake of success and recognition for the sake of recognition. It’s all about one thing and one thing only. IMPACT.
I want to share something, it’s not exactly a story, but it’s something that motivates me to get out of bed every morning. Apart from my main job, I am also active in the 100mentors platform where I do some online seminars, voluntarily, for high school students. As you can imagine I get some very interesting questions on controversial topics such as sexism, sexuality, bullying and other teenage concerns. I can’t explain how happy and proud I am for my work there. For me, helping, empowering, and serving as a role-model even for one young person out there is my mission in this life. To help the younger people start their lives easier than I did. And especially the young girls. That’s why I do this job, that’s why I volunteer. I want to be the one I needed when I was younger. And I want to help young people feel less lonely and less guilty. I want them to feel like life will eventually work out.
You are a successful business leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
I would say consistency, adaptability, and resilience.
In terms of consistency, I always say “Stop starting, start finishing!”. I think that it is important to dive deeper into something to master it and understand its complexity and depth. When you constantly switch through activities, people, and professions you never have the chance to dive deep into anything. It’s very easy to do the first steps of something, for example learning a language. The first year is very easy because anyone can learn how to say a few words, but if you want to be able to communicate and understand, it takes time. At this point, maybe it’s more about quality and about starting finishing things instead of always starting something new. Also, consistency is not about always giving your 100%, it’s about showing up, even if you’re tired or not feeling it much. If you only show up when you have your 100% to give, there’s no way you will reach any outcome. Consider this: even if you just go to the gym and run for 10 minutes, it’s better than not going to the gym at all.
For the second trait, I would say that the only thing I know about myself by now is how fast I change. Therefore, what I’ve learned is that I really need to be active about it, and at least change fast. Things that I think I know about myself; they are true one day and they’re not true the next one. I think that the biggest mistake a person can make is to assume that self-awareness is something static and believe that they’ve reached their conclusions, they know themselves by now and therefore stop experimenting, stop taking risks, stop searching for new triggers in the environment. I’m not talking of course about someone’s core values, but this is such a small part in the grand sphere that constitutes a human being. I talk about literally everything else!
And finally, hear me out: Resilience and perseverance eat talent for breakfast! So many talented people pretty much don’t do anything just because they weren’t resilient enough and they couldn’t uphold failure. Failure is such a normal part of life. At the end, the one that’s left standing, is the one that’s going to succeed.
Leadership often entails making difficult decisions or hard choices between two apparently good paths. Can you share a story about a hard decision or choice you had to make as a leader?
Of course, and I will share a very personal story from probably the most difficult time of my life: covid. At that moment, I was the HR director of a group of companies in the tourism industry, and therefore all activities were ceased due to the pandemic. Very soon, I realized that this crisis was going to last for a long time and therefore I needed to find a way to keep myself occupied because who really knew when we could start working again normally? And that’s when I decided not only to start my own company, but also to start it on a global scale and spend all my money to promote my services internationally, during confinement! By the time the pandemic was over, my company was doing so well that I had even just made my first hire but that was also when the big dilemma rose: should I go back to my corporate position or keep betting on myself? Should I take the safe road or the risk of quitting (since they now needed me back full time and I couldn’t do both things)? Thankfully, I trusted my instinct and chose to follow my own path, otherwise we wouldn’t be having this conversation now!
Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the primary focus of our interview. Let’s start with a basic definition so that all of us are on the same page. What does Conflict Resolution mean?
I would describe conflict resolution as addressing and resolving in the open a disagreement/ conflict/ controversy between people or groups, even if it’s underlying.
What are some common misunderstandings about Conflict Resolution that are important to clear up?
Thank you for bringing this matter up. The key word is actually “resolution”, as many people confuse conflict management for conflict resolution and what they actually do is use diplomacy to push the conflict further under the carpet for a little bit longer.
But when we leave challenges unresolved, they tend to build up and escalate and in the end they burst out, burning bridges we could have saved.
First, conflict resolution focuses on finding a mutually acceptable solution to a conflict, by addressing the underlying needs and interests of all parties involved whereas conflict management’s main focus is to minimize the negative effects of a conflict by managing emotions, communication and behavior to prevent the conflict from escalating.
Conflict resolution’s main techniques are active listening, empathy, and collaboration to identify common goals and negotiate a solution that meets the needs of all parties. On the other hand, conflict management involves strategies such as compromise, avoidance, and accommodation to reduce tension and find a temporary solution to the conflict. You see the main difference here? Conflict management is just a temporary quick fix.
Finally, conflict resolution is often implemented in situations where there is a specific issue or problem that needs to be resolved, such as a disagreement over a project or decision, while conflict management is used when there is an ongoing conflict or relationship issue that cannot be easily resolved, such as a long-standing dispute between coworkers. That makes more sense. When there are fundamental differences in values and no one backs down, the only solution you can implement to resolve the conflict is a more direct and permanent one. You can take them to another team or fire those whose values are not aligned with the values of the company.
This might be intuitive to you, but it will be helpful to clearly express this. Can you please explain why it is so important for leaders to learn and deploy conflict resolution techniques?
Sure. As I mentioned before, conflict resolution is a vital element in nurturing strong relationships, fostering effective teamwork and ensuring organizational efficiency. Also, when it’s implemented effectively it can lead to a deeper understanding, improved trust and stronger interpersonal bonds among co-workers and employees. Leaders are the backbone of the team, the ones who hold it together and set a good example. It is very important that they learn but also show their team members how to stop sweeping the problems under the carpet. Between deadlines, meetings, and obligations, it’s very easy to distant yourself from conflicts and start dealing with them only when they get out of hand. Don’t wait until a minor thing turns into a crisis because you let it escalate. When you resolve conflicts in time you build a stronger team and prevent potentially fatal situations.
If you’re wondering about “how”, it’s not that difficult. Leaders can recommend and invite their team members to think about a discussion they’ve been avoiding for some time now. Then, they can approach or call the person of interest and address the issue immediately.
On the flip side, what happens to a work culture when there is not an effective way of resolving conflict? How does it impact employees?
To begin with, let’s clarify which are some ineffective ways of resolving conflicts. We all agree that avoidance, aggression, and of course physical violence are the worst methods one can use. Other ineffective methods could be adopting a win-lose mindset, playing the blame game, yielding without discussion, making assumptions about motives, not actively listening, letting emotions dictate reactions, refusing external mediation, and holding grudges.
I suppose, you can imagine the impact it would have on the employees and also on the working environment if the above methods of conflict resolution were adopted.
First of all, the trust between the team-members would be shaken, making them less open and honest in their communications. Collaboration and teamwork would decrease because employees might avoid working with certain colleagues due to unresolved issues and also morale would lower as constant tension and unresolved challenges can dampen the spirit of employees. As a result, productivity would be significantly decreased due to constant distractions and low motivation. In addition to that, the percentages of absenteeism, personnel turnover, burnout and mobbing cases will increase, leading the company one step closer to self-destruction. What comes next is, of course, increased costs because of turnover, decreased productivity, and recruitment challenges. And finally, reputation damage. Everyone leaving would talk about the toxic work environment, making it challenging for the company to attract top talent or retain clients. However, I think we should focus more on the health and well-being of employees that would be affected, because we care about the people more than the companies. Chronic workplace conflict without resolution can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and burnout among employees.
I believe that now you have a clear overview of what would happen, both individually and at the company level, if healthy ways of conflict resolution were not implemented.
Please allow me to emphasize this one more time. Stop sweeping under the carpet! Make sure you address and resolve potential issues because they tend to build up, burning bridges you could have saved.
Can you provide examples of how effective conflict resolution has led to increased team performance, collaboration, or innovation within your organization?
I will provide an example of a company I’ve been collaborating with, closely, for over a year now. So, I’ve been working with the amazing team of Event Plus S.A. (maybe you shouldn’t mention the name I don’t know) in a very intense culture change project where we shifted the culture from 100% client centered to both client and people centered, empowering inclusivity and diversity, both internally and externally. Also, we’ve been doing trainings together and team-building activities for leadership, negotiations, and conflict resolution. The company has created a very employee-friendly working environment with very good team dynamics, and the team members are able to resolve any issues on the spot and in a healthy manner, while gossip and preoccupation with personal matters — not related to the work context — disappear.
The result?
Event Plus is now a certified ‘Great Place to Work Hellas’ and its talent dense, dream team made this happen with their commitment, passion and unstoppable thrive for constant growth. This is living proof that effective conflict resolution, balanced team dynamics, passion and commitment can turn a vision into a reality.
SKY’S THE LIMIT.
Ok super. Here is the main question of our interview. What are your “Five Ways Every Team Leader Can Create The Right Environment To Resolve Conflicts”?
1. Stop sweeping under the carpet.
Most people do that again and again, thinking that they are doing conflict resolution, until this carpet gets so bumpy they start stumbling over it. Every time we find a way to misdirect a conversation or to keep it low and take the tension away from the conflict, it doesn’t necessarily mean that the conflict is managed and resolved and it’s probably going to reappear. We should embrace conflict as a natural part of existing in the workspace and at the same time we shouldn’t let it escalate. Try to solve every conflict when it’s still at the level of dispute.
2. Express your needs verbally.
Basically, what I’ve seen all this time is that many people would try to use nonverbal signs to express a need and they expect other people to understand it. However, what happens there is that other people can interpret nonverbal signs in any way their own value system suggests. And it’s almost never right. For example, some people tell me “How didn’t this person understand that I’m angry? I was grumping my face and hadn’t spoken to them for several days!” and I’m like “If you did that to me, I would probably think that you’re sick.” There’s no universe in which I would think you have an issue with me. The danger with this is that, on the one hand we have guilty people, that no matter what you do they’re going to think that they’ve done something bad, and on the other hand there are people that have actually violated your boundaries and you would like to alienate, but most probably they won’t get it. The thing with toxic people is that they are basically like air. The more room you leave for them the more they will expand.
Every time we don’t express our needs verbally, the outcome is up to the other person, in terms of them being insightful and mentalistic enough to read our minds.
3. Set clear boundaries (and respect others’).
This one follows up on the previous one because they are very close. When I say about expressing your needs verbally, it also goes for positive behaviors. But then when it comes to setting clear boundaries, it’s extremely important, specifically for behaviors that cause problems for us or behaviors that might be violating. Therefore, if someone is expressing a kind of behavior that creates an issue for us, setting the boundary very clearly is the most crucial thing. And the funny thing about these kinds of behaviors, the pathogenic ones, as we psychologists like to call them, is that you need to basically burn them down to the root. If someone does something to you that you don’t like, you must speak up about it in that particular moment. Only in that moment do you have the dignity and the calmness to deal with it in a very good manner. Otherwise, their bad behavior is going to build up and then you will overreact and lose your right.
For example, let’s say that I don’t like my colleagues touching my stuff (take my notebook or my pen). One day, a colleague comes and takes my pen, and I’m mad but I don’t feel like saying anything cause “ok it’s just a pen” and I let it slide. Then the next day they come, and they start ripping a paper out of my notebook to write something down. I’m getting really mad, but I still don’t say anything because I think that they’re going to think I’m crazy, “it’s just a paper…”. Then the next day they come and take a sip of my water bottle and I start screaming. Everybody is looking at me not knowing why I’m behaving like this. At that moment I’m not particularly right because my colleague might be choking, let’s say, and the fact that in my mind these three incidents are related has nothing to do with the other person.
4. Embrace negotiations as a healthy part of life.
That’s also very interesting. I have lots of clients that come to me and basically they always take “no” for an answer or they take “yes” for an answer and they don’t understand that in this life the resources are limited. Therefore, everything, every single interaction we have is a negotiation. If you really want something you need to be able to negotiate for it, not fight for it (it’s a very strong word,) but try to earn it and offer something in return. If we don’t realize that, that means we don’t negotiate, and we just take whatever they give us. A really nice quote I read (I think it’s Abraham Lincoln’s) goes like this:
“Good things come to those who wait.”
“Yeah, but only the things left behind by the ones who were running.”
5. Know when to let go.
That’s probably the most important one. We need to know that careers are built based on the “no’s” we say just as much as they’re built based on the “yes’ “we say. Sometimes in this life we come across obstacles (objective and subjective,) when we really want to achieve a goal. The most common trap is that we believe the subjective ones to be objective, and that means that we quit too soon. On the other hand, we believe the objective ones to be subjective, and that means that we don’t know when to let go, resulting in getting stuck in a situation that it should be over. Not everyone wants to be saved, not everyone can be saved. Most of the times when we don’t understand that it has something to do with us and not with the other person.
In your experience, what are the most common sources of conflict within a team, and how do you proactively address these potential issues before they escalate?
For starts, conflict can arise from a variety of sources, such as differences in values, beliefs, needs or interests. As we mentioned before, we should embrace conflict as a natural part of existing in the workspace that stems from the myriad of individual experiences, backgrounds, and perspectives that people bring to the table. However, the key is how you communicate and express these values/beliefs/needs. As a result, there are three other factors that sharpen these differences, such as different communication styles. The way that individuals express themselves can lead to misinterpretations. For example, a direct communication style might be perceived as aggressive by someone who communicates more subtly. Stress and external pressures, like personal stressors or tight deadlines, are also significant because they can strain interactions and lead to conflicts, even when the underlying differences might be minor. One last thing that can exacerbate the differences between employees is past interaction. I believe we have all experienced that. Previous conflicts or misunderstandings that weren’t effectively resolved can potentially influence our current interactions with the same people. That is another proof of why we should always focus on resolving conflicts.
Now, let’s see how we can proactively address these problems before they escalate. It’s important to keep in mind that understanding the roots of a conflict is crucial for addressing it effectively. Team-leaders play a very important role here. In these uncertain times, team members turn more and more towards their managers for support, guidance, and empowerment. Leaders should advise and encourage their team members to speak up and set their boundaries, verbally and clearly, the particular moment they feel violated. Only at that moment do they have the dignity and the calmness to deal with it in a very good manner. They can address the issue in a kind way, of course, using humor or examples that they think would assist in passing the message clearly yet softly.
However, if the moment has passed and they’re still looking for a way to address the issue, the solution is easy. They can think about a discussion they’ve been avoiding for some time now and then approach or call the person of interest and address the problem immediately.
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
The time for women to shine in the world of business is now, and while we’ve made leaps in breaking barriers, there’s still so much work to do. If I could initiate a movement, it would be about empowering and supporting female entrepreneurs. I would like to establish a fund or partner with financial institutions to provide loans, grants and resources for women-led startups.
I believe that this would be huge, because starting their own businesses allows women to break free from conventions and truly chase their passions and dreams. At this point, I think that I should mention that I am a mentor for “Women on Top”, an organization that brings equality to the workplace. (elaborate if you want).
How can our readers further follow you online?
I’m very active on social media and especially on LinkedIn, so feel free to reach out. You’ll find me as Zoe Fragou. I also have my own website https://www.fragouzoe.com/ .
By all means you are welcome to reach out!
Thank you for the time you spent sharing these fantastic insights. We wish you only continued success in your great work!
About the Interviewer: Eric L. Pines is a nationally recognized federal employment lawyer, mediator, and attorney business coach. He represents federal employees and acts as in-house counsel for over fifty thousand federal employees through his work as a federal employee labor union representative. A formal federal employee himself, Mr. Pines began his federal employment law career as in-house counsel for AFGE Local 1923 which is in Social Security Administration’s headquarters and is the largest federal union local in the world. He presently serves as AFGE 1923’s Chief Counsel as well as in-house counsel for all FEMA bargaining unit employees and numerous Department of Defense and Veteran Affairs unions.
While he and his firm specialize in representing federal employees from all federal agencies and in reference to virtually all federal employee matters, his firm has placed special attention on representing Veteran Affairs doctors and nurses hired under the authority of Title. He and his firm have a particular passion in representing disabled federal employees with their requests for medical and religious reasonable accommodations when those accommodations are warranted under the Rehabilitation Act of 1973 (ADA). He also represents them with their requests for Federal Employee Disability Retirement (OPM) when an accommodation would not be possible.
Mr. Pines has also served as a mediator for numerous federal agencies including serving a year as the Library of Congress’ in-house EEO Mediator. He has also served as an expert witness in federal court for federal employee matters. He has also worked as an EEO technical writer drafting hundreds of Final Agency Decisions for the federal sector.
Mr. Pines’ firm is headquartered in Houston, Texas and has offices in Baltimore, Maryland and Atlanta, Georgia. His first passion is his wife and five children. He plays classical and rock guitar and enjoys playing ice hockey, running, and biking. Please visit his websites at www.pinesfederal.com and www.toughinjurylawyers.com. He can also be reached at eric@pinesfederal.com.
Workplace Conflict Resolution: Zoe Fragou On How Team Leaders Can Create The Right Environment To… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.