Author Mary Potter Kenyon On How to Go Beyond Your Comfort Zone to Grow Both Personally and Professionally
An Interview With Maria Angelova
Consider the good that might come from stepping outside your comfort zone.
It feels most comfortable to stick with what we are familiar with. But anyone who has achieved great success will tell you that true growth comes from pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. What are some ways that influential people have pushed themselves out of their comfort zone to grow both personally and professionally? As a part of this series, I had the pleasure of interviewing Mary Potter Kenyon.
Mary Potter Kenyon graduated from the University of Northern Iowa with a BA in Psychology. Mary is a Therapeutic Art Coach and a certified grief educator trained under world-renown grief expert David Kessler. She is the author of seven books including the award-winning Called to Be Creative: A Guide to Reigniting Your Creativity. A member of Advanced Writers and Speakers Association (AWSA), Mary conducts workshops on creativity, grief, and writing. She heads the annual Cedar Falls Christian Writer’s conference and founded a grief retreat in Dubuque, Iowa, where she lives with her husband Nick Portzen.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we start, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory?
I was raised in a small town in Iowa, the seventh of ten children. I loved books as a child, dreaming someday of being a librarian or writer. I’ve been both in my lifetime. My parents had little in the way of material items yet managed to leave behind a legacy of faith and creativity, a legacy that would result in my eventually writing a book on creativity, ten years after my mother’s death.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
“’For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” Jeremiah 29:11 has been my life verse since the death of my first husband in 2012. I held onto that Bible verse like a bungee cord to hope. I was 52 years old, four of my eight children still at home, the youngest only eight years old. I had to figure out who I was outside of a mother and wife. Mine was a journey as much about faith as it was about grieving. Losing a mother, husband, and grandson in the space of three years, I needed hope. I not only developed a personal relationship with God in the ensuing years, I discovered I had a purpose and passion for helping others. I became a certified grief counselor, founded a grief retreat and writer’s conference, signed seven book contracts, and developed a ministry of public speaking and workshops. I became the woman that widower Nick Portzen needed in 2021, three years after his own spouse’s death. God did, indeed, have plans for me and they were more than I could have hoped for or imagined.
Is there a particular book, podcast, or film that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story or explain why it resonated with you so much?
“The Chosen” television series has had a huge impact on me. I didn’t read the Bible until I was 52 years old, but this show makes the Bible come alive in a powerful way. I cry during almost every episode.
Let’s now shift to the main part of our discussion. Let’s start with a basic definition so that all of us are on the same page. What does “getting outside of your comfort zone” mean?
Getting outside of your comfort zone means doing things you never imagined you could, facing new endeavors despite fear or a lack of confidence. For me, as a faith-filled person, it also means trusting that God has a plan for your life.
Can you help articulate a few reasons why it is important to get out of your comfort zone?
We will never reach our full potential if we stay in our own safety zone. We are each born with specific talents, gifts, and a purpose for our life. You see it in children, a natural zest for life and learning. In the book Breakpoint and Beyond: Mastering the Future Today, author George Land discusses his 1968 research study of 1,600 children enrolled in Head Start, the government-funded preschool program for children living in poverty. In that study, the children were given the test Land had devised for NASA to help select innovative engineers and scientists, measuring the ability to look at a problem and come up with new and different innovations. The same children were re-tested at ten years of age, and again when they were fifteen. The results were astounding. Ninety-eight percent of the youngest children fell into the “genius category of imagination.” By the age of ten, that number was down to 30 percent, and by age fifteen, 12 percent. Adults fared the worst. In 280,000 adults given the same test, a dismal two percent fell into the genius category. What happens to us between the ages of five and adulthood? I attempt to answer that question in Called to Be Creative. I’m convinced if we begin stepping outside of our comfort zone, look back to our childhood interests, and begin working some of those things we loved back into our life, we will be healthier and happier for it.
Is it possible to grow without leaving your comfort zone? Can you explain what you mean?
I think we remain stagnant if we never step outside of our comfort zone. I look at our life as a mixed media collage, with pieces of our experiences, along with broken bits of trauma and loss. Everything we experience, precious and not so precious memories, every event and crisis, loss or disappointment, makes up a pattern of who we have become. Whatever we add to our life collage at this point is up to us. We can move those pieces around or add similar ones, staying in our comfort zone. But whenever we say no to something new, whenever we decide we can’t (or won’t) do something because of our own fears, then we are saying no to growth, or for those of us who believe in God, we might be saying no to Him. Because God has a plan for each of us. He can use everything for good, all those experiences, good and bad, to refine us. His plan for us is bigger than what we can imagine for ourselves. The only way to truly grow is to say yes to that little flicker inside of us that hints at something more, perhaps something beyond our wildest dreams. Quit dreaming, and you quit living and growing.
Can you share some anecdotes from your personal experience? Can you share a story about a time when you stepped out of your comfort zone and how it helped you grow? How does it feel to take those first difficult steps?
I was terrified after my first husband’s death, knowing I would have to find work outside of the home. Outside of a home business, freelance writing, and occasional part-time work, I’d mostly been a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom. I wasn’t really qualified for the first job I applied for as a library director. Because it was a small town and I did have a degree (though not in Library Science), had previously worked at libraries, was a writer and avid reader, I managed to impress the library board. I definitely stepped outside my comfort zone applying for that job and then daring to ask for accommodation of my homeschooling lifestyle by allowing my youngest daughters to go to work with me. I knew I risked not getting the job because of my request, but because I did, for nearly three years after my husband’s death, until they were old enough to be at home alone, I was able to oversee my children while in the workplace.
In 2018, after accepting a new job, I moved outside of my comfort zone in a very literal sense. I sold my four-bedroom house and half my possessions to move with my youngest daughter an hour away from the only support system I had, my adult children and a bible study group that had become like family.
Here is the central question of our discussion. What are your “five ways to push past your comfort zone, to grow both personally and professionally”?
- Consider the good that might come from stepping outside your comfort zone.
It’s natural to consider what could go wrong when we dare to go outside our comfort zone. Adjust your attitude. Think, instead, of what could go right!
I love the words written by Australian poet Erin Hanson: “What if I fall? Oh, but my darling, ‘What if you fly?”
How will we know what might happen if we don’t try? For most of my adult life, as an isolated homeschooling mother raising eight children, I wouldn’t have imagined myself as a public speaker. I could barely string two sentences together to talk to the butcher or the mailman. When I began doing workshops related to the topic of the book I was working on, I did so simply as a marketing tool. In the process, however, I discovered I had a natural flair for it. When I realized my life experiences could translate into helping other people, I developed an entire public speaking ministry around grief, and later, around creativity. I was in no way qualified to found and organize an annual grief retreat, and yet, my heart (and faith) led me in that direction. In turn, that endeavor convinced me I needed more tools to help grieving people, which led me to pursue certification in grief counseling. Now, I never feel more alive than when speaking to a group of writers, grievers, or women and men excited about reigniting their creative selves.
2. Just do it. Take the first step.
Sometimes, the hardest part is getting started. As a writer, I discovered the first step of the writing process was the most difficult. Once I had that first sentence, paragraph, or outline, the rest flowed easily in comparison. It’s the same anytime we plan to step outside our comfort zone to try something new or unfamiliar. We need to step out in faith once we make a decision, despite our fears. My oldest daughter Elizabeth called me out on this once. I’d been accepted to speak at a grief conference in Texas but found myself waffling on my ability to follow through. The idea of flying in an airplane to get there was daunting enough, much less speaking to a new audience, that of grieving parents. My daughter insisted I could help them, but I wasn’t so sure. I applied to speak because she’d asked me to, and I would have done anything for her. As the date of the conference rapidly approached, she discovered I had yet to purchase the plane ticket or the hotel room. She realized how scared I was.
“You know you want to do this,” she chided me. “So what are you waiting for? You’ve just put your toe in the water by applying. Now, you need to jump in.”
I did just that. I fully committed to the conference by purchasing the airplane ticket and reserving the hotel room. It was a big expense for me but ended up being well worth it just in the contacts I made there. I don’t think I would have founded an annual grief retreat the following year if I hadn’t met the man I wanted to speak at my inaugural event. Once I had the main speaker, everything else just fell into place.
3. Be open to possibilities you would never have dreamed of.
I stepped way outside my comfort zone when I signed up with an online dating site in 2021. By that time, I’d been alone for nine years. The isolation of the pandemic had really exacerbated my loneliness. I’d always been very uncomfortable with the idea of online dating sites, assuming if I was meant to be with someone, it would happen without trying. Then my son met a nice young woman online. I decided to give it a try, limiting my search to Christian sites only. Skittish, I backed out a couple of times. Even on the Christian sites, there were men whose profiles were less than truthful or a bit sketchy regarding character or morals. My profile description became pretty stringent regarding what I was looking for. A less confident man than Nick might have thought I was asking too much, but at 61, I was too old to play games. I wanted it to be perfectly clear what I was looking for; a man with good intentions who would grow in faith with me and be willing to pray together. I even wrote down in my journal what my ideal man would be like; from kind eyes and a heart open to Jesus, down to broad shoulders and a neatly trimmed goatee. I was about ready to call it quits when Nick messaged me. As he walked up the stairs to meet me for the first time, I mentally checked off all the desired attributes. By the end of our second, nine-hour date, I knew this was the man God meant for me. We were married six weeks later. This summer we’ll have been together for two years, more in love every day.
4. Allow for the possibility of failure.
I share in my writing workshops that the only way to avoid rejection is to never submit anything. The same goes for just about anything. The only way to avoid failure is to never attempt something new or different. I often consider what my life would have been like if I had been closed to new things and experiences after my first husband died in 2012. My world would be so much smaller. I now have mentors and friends I never would have had without stepping outside my comfort zone. I’ve discovered my passions and a purpose in life.
5. Remember that God does not call the equipped, he equips the called.
Don’t let lack of experience or a low self-confidence stop you from living up to your potential. I’ve seen it happen so many times. Someone will tell me they have no talent, it’s too late for them, they couldn’t possibly get in front of a room to speak, submit something for publication, or paint, write a poem, or succeed at starting a small business. Convinced they will fail or make a fool of themselves; they hesitate to even try whatever it is in their heart that they’ve always dreamed of or secretly desired. With a little encouragement, they make the attempt, sometimes half-heartedly. Other times, all in. The light I see in their eyes when the painting looks good, or the piece of writing is accepted? That’s pure joy. There’s nothing better than having even a small part in that unexpected success.
From your experience or perspective, what are some of the common barriers that keep someone from pushing out of their comfort zone?
Fear of failure is paramount. We’ve all been taught that to not succeed at something is to fail, and no one wants to fail. Looking foolish is another fear. Why do we care so much what other people think, that we allow that fear to stop us? Let’s face it, we call it a comfort zone for a reason. It’s comfortable.
There is a well-known quote attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt that says, “Do something that scares you every day”. What exactly does this mean to you? Is there inherent value in doing something that pushes you out of your comfort zone, even if it does not relate to personal or professional growth? For example, if one is uncomfortable about walking alone at night should they purposely push themselves to do it often for the sake of going beyond their comfort zone? Can you please explain what you mean?
Risk-taking is not the same thing as stepping outside our comfort zone. To take a risk involves some element of danger. Now, if the danger of a risk is facing embarrassment, that’s different than facing loss of life or limb. I don’t believe in taking risks just for the sake of “trying something new.” Of course, life is full of risks because we never know the outcome. I’ve always advised writers to take the risk of submitting a piece of their work to a publisher or editor, despite knowing in doing so they face the risk of rejection, and no one likes rejection. So, yes, in that regard, there is something to facing our fears and doing it anyway.
You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be?
It was already done with the “What would Jesus do” (WWJD) phrase in the United States in the early 1900’s after Charles Sheldon’s In His Steps: What Would Jesus Do book became popular. In the 1990’s that same motto popularized the WWJD bracelet, worn as a reminder for Christians to act like Jesus. My husband Nick and I chose to wear matching cross bracelets shortly after we got married. We wanted a visible reminder of our commitment to God and each other. Just think what our world would be like if we all treated each other with grace, mercy, compassion, and love.
Is there a person in the world whom you would love to have lunch with, and why? Maybe we can tag them and see what happens!
My husband and I enjoy listening to pastor Max Lucado’s various bible studies. We began doing them in August 2022, when we were both sick with Covid, and have done several studies since. We love his videos even more than his books. We’d love to meet him someday and tell him how much his words have meant to us. #maxlucado
How can our readers follow you online?
Facebook: Mary Potter Kenyon
Instagram: Mary Potter Kenyon
Thank you for these fantastic insights. We wish you only continued success in your great work!
About The Interviewer: Maria Angelova, MBA is a disruptor, author, motivational speaker, body-mind expert, Pilates teacher and founder and CEO of Rebellious Intl. As a disruptor, Maria is on a mission to change the face of the wellness industry by shifting the self-care mindset for consumers and providers alike. As a mind-body coach, Maria’s superpower is alignment which helps clients create a strong body and a calm mind so they can live a life of freedom, happiness and fulfillment. Prior to founding Rebellious Intl, Maria was a Finance Director and a professional with 17+ years of progressive corporate experience in the Telecommunications, Finance, and Insurance industries. Born in Bulgaria, Maria moved to the United States in 1992. She graduated summa cum laude from both Georgia State University (MBA, Finance) and the University of Georgia (BBA, Finance). Maria’s favorite job is being a mom. Maria enjoys learning, coaching, creating authentic connections, working out, Latin dancing, traveling, and spending time with her tribe. To contact Maria, email her at angelova@rebellious-intl.com. To schedule a free consultation, click here.
Author Mary Potter Kenyon On How to Go Beyond Your Comfort Zone to Grow Both Personally and… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.