Social Impact Heroes: Why & How Author Raelene S. Weaver Is Helping To Change Our World
An Interview With Stanley Bronstein
Social change is HARD. I see how popular my husband’s Facebook group Pacific Coast Bike Route is. He consistently has new people joining the group. Bicycling is fun, adventurous and enjoyable. Talking about how boys are socialized and wanting to introduce new ways to look at masculinity is not necessarily fun. It is challenging.
As part of my series about “individuals and organizations making an important social impact”, I had the pleasure of interviewing Raelene S. Weaver.
Raelene S. Weaver is a nationally recognized expert in boys’ mental health, with over 20 years of experience redefining masculinity and championing a new boy code — one that teaches boys it’s okay to be tender, that their character matters as much as their physical and intellectual capabilities, and that expressing their emotions is a sign of strength, not weakness. A retired Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, TEDx speaker, and founder of a groundbreaking mental health community for men and boys, Raelene is on a mission to help parents, educators, and society raise emotionally healthy boys in a world that too often tells them to suppress their feelings.
She is the author of the acclaimed book Let Boys Be Kids First, which is carried in multiple libraries, bookstores and in the Santa Clara County Juvenile Probation Center, serving as a crucial resource for young men seeking emotional healing and growth.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Can you tell us a story about what brought you to this specific career path?
When I was eight years old, my mother died of breast cancer. My dad’s drinking got worse. I wrote him a letter, because I was worried about him. We never talked about it. It wasn’t socially acceptable for men to express their emotions in those days. And I think it was this inability to comfort my dad, that led me, later in life, to become a therapist so I could provide a safe space for men to process their feelings, to talk about grief and loss, anxiety, depression, addiction and other stressors.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you began leading your company or organization?
Part of my work history has two interesting storylines to it.
When my mentor introduced me to working with teen sex offenders, he had a probation officer come out and talk to us. It just so happened that there had recently been a sexual abuse case at a nearby high school, involving a girl who got drunk at a party, passed out and was digitally raped by several boys who also wrote on her body with felt pens. The girl tragically committed suicide not long after that.
What really got my interest was when the probation officer said that this girl’s parents were going through a divorce, and her best friend-a girl-wasn’t speaking with her because she was upset at her for hanging out with “risky” people. It was all the facts behind the scene that were important but not known to the public that really fascinated me.
The Netflix documentary Audrie and Daisy shows how the town sheriff and much of the community blamed two girls who were raped for what happened. The girl Audrie in the documentary was based on the girl I learned about from the probation officer who visited our therapy office.
The Netflix documentary Adolescence touches on the influence social media can have on teen boys especially in the murky manosphere/incel/misogyny area.
My mention of my work with teen sex offenders in my TEDx talk and book, Let Boys Be Kids First seemed to give my mentor some support and validation for the work he does with teens and prior to that adult men in prisons.
In the past he often faced a lot of negative backlash for working with this population, because people felt he was being supportive to perpetrators.
It has been said that our mistakes can be our greatest teachers. Can you share a story about the funniest mistake you made when you were first starting? Can you tell us what lesson you learned from that?
After starting my Silicon Valley Men’s Center Group on Facebook, my husband came to me and said, “I think you should do a Ted talk. I think it would be good for your head and good for your heart.” I was like, “I’m a writer, not a speaker.” But his idea peaked my curiosity, and I started researching Ted talks and reached out to a colleague who had given a TEDx talk. However, along this long and winding journey when things would get tough, either one of us would look to the other and say “Whose Ideas was this?” That statement never fails to make us chuckle.
As much as one plans and organizes, you only have limited control of what might happen. I know I can adjust and adapt.
Can you describe how you or your organization is making a significant social impact?
I post timely articles and inspirational images daily on my Facebook group Silicon Valley Men’s Center to keep the key messages about healthy masculinity, emotional intelligence, positive parenting, gender equality and authenticity at the forefront. I’m pleased to see that on Statcounter (website user tracker) my articles are viewed in countries around the world.
After publishing my book, I reached out to the Santa Clara County Juvenile Probation Center, who I had contracted with, to see if they might want to include Let Boys Be Kids First in their library.
I waited and waited and waited for a response. And then I heard back that they felt my book would be an excellent addition to their library. They had put in a requisition to purchase four copies of my book! I was ecstatic, and am so proud that my book is available to teen boys, their families and to supervisors.
Can you tell us a story about a particular individual who was impacted or helped by your cause?
My dear friend and colleague Simi has known me since we met at pre-licensed support group meetings, studied together for our two board exams, and then went to newly licensed support group meetings together.
When I was talking to her about doing a TEdx talk, she said something like “when did you start becoming so passionate about men’s issues?” And I mentioned my masters thesis entitled “How Repressed Emotions in Men Negatively Effect Society,” and as an intern how I wanted to start a Men’s Support group, and she said, “No, it goes back further than that.” That’s when I told her about wiring my dad a letter after my mom had died. His drinking had gotten worse, and I was worried about him.
When I published my book, Simi and I got together for coffee. She held my book close to her chest, and said she loved how “clean” the cover was! Simi said we needed to do a book launch, and we did!
Simi has two teen boys, and she put my book on her family summer reading list. She had copies of my book in her therapy office, and put my book on her practice’s book of the month club for June, 2024.
Are there three things the community/society/politicians can do to help you address the root of the problem you are trying to solve?
Social/Emotional Component from Preschool Through College (SEL-Social and Emotional Learning)
Presidential Commission on Boys and Men
A TED Mens’ Conference
How do you define “Leadership”? Can you explain what you mean or give an example?
I believe effective leadership helps brings out the best in people, and gives them permission to be the best they can be in their contribution to a shared goal or mission.
Good leaders lead by example. They don’t try to be something they are not. They genuinely care about those that work for them, and value the contributions the team brings individually and as a group.
What are your “5 things I wish someone told me when I first started” and why. Please share a story or example for each.
- Social change is HARD. I see how popular my husband’s Facebook group Pacific Coast Bike Route is. He consistently has new people joining the group. Bicycling is fun, adventurous and enjoyable. Talking about how boys are socialized and wanting to introduce new ways to look at masculinity is not necessarily fun. It is challenging.
- People may react differently than what you anticipated. I thought one family would love my TEDx talk when it came out, and they were virtually silent, while my mentor shared my talk with another therapist who is “tough love” and I thought didn’t like me, wrote me an email saying she watched my TEDx talk, and thought it was awesome. Go figure.
- Some great ideas don’t take off. A feature my husband helped me set up on the Silicon Valley Men’s Center website was a calendar for my therapeutic community to post events, workshops, trainings etc. on a monthly basis. We thought this was a great idea, but those that did want to use it wanted us to place their information on the calendar instead of following the instructions we had provided. Sadly, it didn’t take off.
- Solutions are not necessarily permanent. Success is not final, as Winston Churchill said. Over forty years ago, teen suicide made the cover of Time magazine. It is still a huge issue today. Some issues never get “solved.” Dedicated programs and funding need to constantly be in place.
- Marketing takes time and perseverance. (Lots of time and perseverance, and oh yeah, lots of money too.) I’ve always had this naive notion that it was “the talk” or “the book” that would speak for itself.
You are a person of enormous influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
A TED Men’s conference or a similar venue, where men of all walks of life would attend and that has enormous reach and can touch philanthropists who may want to support the effort.
Can you please give us your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?
The power of pause. I’ve always been big on putting forth a lot of effort, and wanting to help people help themselves. I give a lot of background information.
However, after reading Amy Cuddy’s book “Presence.” I have learned that I don’t need to respond immediately, and in some cases, I don’t need to respond at all.
This has made a huge difference for me.
Is there a person in the world, or in the US with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. 🙂
I would love to talk with Joe Rogan. His podcast, the Joe Rogan Experience reaches 11 million viewers, and 80% of those viewers are men. 56% are age 18–34. It would expand my reach to young men who otherwise might never see or hear my work.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
https://www.linkedin.com/in/raelene-s-weaver-11082020/
https://letboysbekidsfirst.com/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/svmenscenter
https://siliconvalleymenscenter.com/
This was very meaningful, thank you so much. We wish you only continued success in your great work!
About the Interviewer: Stanley Bronstein is an attorney, CPA, and author of more than 20 books. However, he doesn’t consider any of those his greatest achievement. His most significant accomplishment was permanently losing 225 pounds and developing the personal growth system that made it possible — The Way of Excellence. As a catalyst for change, he has dedicated his life to helping others maximize their potential, transform their lives, and achieve optimal health. To learn more, you can download a free PDF copy of his latest book, The Way of Excellence Journal, at https://TheWayOfExcellence.com.
Social Impact Heroes: Why & How Author Raelene S Weaver Is Helping To Change Our World was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.