An Interview With Jake Frankel
Listen to your inner voice — It is your most authentic guide.
This reminds me to always act from a place of inner love without worrying about making everyone involved happy — this is rarely possible.
Books have the power to shape, influence, and change our lives. Why is that so? What goes into a book that can shape lives? To address this we are interviewing people who can share a story about a book that changed their life, and why. As a part of our series, I had the pleasure of interviewing David Horton.
David Horton, a retired oncologist turned book editor, spent his career driven by a deep passion for science and genuine connection with his patients. After completing his residency, he moved to the Pacific Northwest, where he met his wife, DeeDee. Known for his patient-centered approach grounded in respect, empathy, and the art of deep listening, David founded RadiantCare Oncology, building a practice that aligned with his values as both a doctor and a person. David and DeeDee shared 32 years of love, self-growth, and adventure, creating a steadfast partnership. Now retired, David is dedicated to honoring DeeDee’s mission by publishing her book, Layer Upon Layer, to continue her message and legacy.
Thank you so much for doing this with us! Before we dig in, our readers would like to get to know you a bit more. Can you tell us a bit about your “backstory” and how you grew up?
The part of my “backstory” pertinent to Layer Upon Layer is my upbringing in a family where the children from multiple generations on my father’s side were entirely boys, and my mother had only brothers, leaving me immersed in socialization inundated with “invisible male privilege.” I was taught to pursue my dreams, work hard, and believe anything was possible. This put me on a path to medical school and rewarding work as an oncologist. When I met my wife, DeeDee, I had little awareness of the many unspoken challenges women face in reaching their dreams while confronting the biases our society places in their paths — I had much to learn!
Let’s talk about what you are doing now, and how you achieved the success that you currently enjoy. Can you tell our readers a bit about the work you are doing?
I am publishing my late wife DeeDee’s book, Layer Upon Layer, to honor her memory and raise awareness of the challenges women face. This effort encourages readers to question societal programming and stereotypes, and to consider changes that could foster deeper connections among us all. The book is fictional, but it draws on themes DeeDee grappled with in her own life. By publishing it, I am honoring her and learning what it truly means to be a woman in today’s world. I hope to challenge those who may not face these same challenges to understand the lived experiences of others. In doing so, we can create a better, more empathetic society — a vision DeeDee deeply believed in.
You are a successful leader. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
I choose to share this from the “Love Books” ( love letters) my late wife wrote for me while on hospice for inoperable brain cancer:
From Deedee:
You are strong, resilient, and courageous.
You have an optimistic attitude that helps you find the ‘silver lining’ in even the darkest moments.
You are open-minded, open-hearted, and always learning.
You have the awareness to focus on and celebrate what we had for 32 years and continue to have now and to the end (in this form), rather than dwelling on the possible, unknown future we might’ve had.
All of these beautiful qualities will help you get through this painful agony that will feel unbearable. It will be slow, with many ups and downs, forwards and backward, and confusing with things that have no explanation or answer. The grief will eventually soften around the edges and turn into loss, and, unfortunately, loss will last forever. But this is also where your wonderful qualities will help you reflect more on our incredible memories and our rare, special, authentic, loving relationship. I hope you feel me every step of the way. Knowing that, combined with your traits, is the knowledge that helps me find peace at the end.
What’s the WHY behind the work that you do? Please share a story about this if you can.
I was deeply passionate about oncology, helping people and now I get to do so in a way that impacts even more people in my late wife’s honor. My work aims to build on the legacy of my late wife to raise awareness about gender bias and share insights I’ve gained through reflection on these biases.
While my late wife DeeDee mainly wrote Layer Upon Layer for women, I encourage boys and men to read this book and ponder the heroine’s numerous questions and observations. It provides valuable insights into the female perspective and prompts men to consider how male socialization impacts relationships. Men’s focus on providing, protecting, and problem-solving — often at the expense of awareness and empathy — can create significant disconnection, even when love is intended.
I am grateful to DeeDee for broadening my understanding of ingrained male privilege and nurturing empathy for the frequently overlooked pain and resentment it inflicts on women’s lives. What I learned from her enabled us to truly see and hear each other during our 32-year journey together, fostering a profound and loving bond — undeniably the greatest gift of my life. I hope exploring these topics with the people who matter most to readers can grant them a similar gift. That is my wish for everyone.
None of us are able to achieve success without some help along the way. Is there a particular person who you are grateful towards who helped get you to where you are? Can you share a story about that?
Mentorship is a critical theme in Layer Upon Layer. Mentors play a crucial role in encouraging others to listen to their inner voice and guiding them toward their aspirations, reminding us of what is achievable despite facing challenges from peers, family, and society.
Deedee was my most important mentor. Other mentors included my parents, many teachers, and professors throughout my education. The mentorship of true friendship and ‘chosen family’ came from childhood friends of my late wife, who supported us during DeeDee’s final journey. When DeeDee unexpectedly entered hospice for inoperable brain cancer, two high school coaches altered their winter vacation plans to be there for us, and a high school teammate moved into our home for eight months to help care for DeeDee when not working as a flight attendant. How incredible is that?
Awesome! Let’s now jump to the primary focus of our interview. I’m an author and I believe that books have the power to change lives. Can you please tell our readers about “The Book That Changed Your Life”? Can you share a story about how it impacted you?
Many books have influenced my outlook on life, and Mary Pipher’s Reviving Ophelia was the book that opened my eyes to the challenges women encounter in our society from a young age. The writings of Brené Brown, Glennon Doyle, Harriet Lerner, and Mary Pipher sparked meaningful conversations between DeeDee and me, further enriching our relationship. Inspired by their work and the strength it nurtured in our connection, DeeDee wrote Layer Upon Layer, hoping to inspire others on their journeys of self-discovery and to nurture essential relationships in their lives. It is my mission to get Layer Upon Layer out into the world.
What was the moment or series of events that made you decide that you wanted to take a specific course of action based on the inspiration from the book? Can you share a story about that?
Realizing that cultural programming for people in our culture does not mesh well was a significant wake-up call for me. Males are pushed toward over-functioning as “providers, fixers, and protectors,” while females are encouraged to remain silent about their needs. Males are taught to pursue their aspirations, while females are prompted to focus on society’s expectations. This leaves women as nurturers, destined to help meet the needs of others rather than their own. These expectations send messages that instill feelings of guilt and selfishness should women focus on their hopes and dreams, leaving them to live in fear of rejection or social exclusion. This can morph into a subconscious sense of unworthiness. This programming starts primarily with the family unit but infiltrates every aspect of society, including school, work, media, sports, and religion.
In Layer Upon Layer, DeeDee wrote about the layers of cultural expectation and programming that make it more challenging for independent and ambitious women. Although she wrote her book primarily for women, I encourage boys and men to read this book and reflect on the heroine’s many observations and questions. By making me more aware of entrenched male privilege and more empathetic to the often silent pain and suffering it brings to women’s lives, it allowed DeeDee and me to forge a deep and loving connection over our 32-year journey together. This is unquestionably the greatest gift of my life, and I wish the same gift for others.
Can you articulate why you think books in particular have the power to create movements, revolutions, and true change?
Books have the power to spark movements, revolutions, and lasting change by slowing us down, opening our hearts and minds, and awakening us to new possibilities. They can heighten awareness, gradually stripping away the hold of social programming and stereotypes — much like pulling back the curtain in The Wizard of Oz. By challenging these societal constructs, books inspire us to accept others where they are on their journey toward becoming their best selves, ultimately fostering stronger, more meaningful connections.
A book has many aspects, of course. For example, you have the writing style, the narrative tense, the topic, the genre, the design, the cover, the size, etc. In your opinion, what are the main, essential ingredients needed to create a book that can change lives?
A life-changing book hinges on an authentic, relevant message that encourages readers to grow into better versions of themselves. All other elements serve to capture our attention and open our hearts and minds to this core message. As Rea Frey aptly put it, Layer Upon Layer is “poignant, full of passion, and chock-full of amazing lessons for women and an overall feeling of hope.” This book aims to connect deeply, inviting readers to experience its impact on a personal level. Layer Upon Layer is crafted to empower, entertain, and inspire.
What are your “5 Things I Wish Someone Told Me Before I Started My Career” and why? (Please share a story or example for each.)
“5 things I wish someone told me before I started my career”:
a) Listen to your inner voice — It is your most authentic guide.
This reminds me to always act from a place of inner love without worrying about making everyone involved happy — this is rarely possible.
b) Being present is the greatest gift you can give another. Slow down, breathe deeply, and reflect before acting — you will have fewer regrets.
This reminds me to focus on what is before me without seeking the “illusion of multitasking.”
c) Seek first to understand and then to be understood — S. Covey.
As an over achiever, it takes effort to fight back the instant reflex of wanting to jump in with thoughts, ideas, and suggestions — any way to help. Even responding with a similar experience, thinking it’s a way to connect and show understanding, is often received as distancing, like turning the conversation back to me, the last thing intended. Instead, try to breathe, slow it down, and ask questions to probe deeper and get others talking more. It is better for both them and me.
d) If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete — Jack Kornfield.
As a caregiver, I tend to forget to be kind, patient, and compassionate with myself.
e) Remember the core values that make the most significant difference for the people I want to know and be known by: AWARENESS (both self-awareness and other-awareness) and EMPATHY.
Because I am a “giver,” I will have the joy and love sucked out of my life if these are not the core values of my “chosen family.”
The world, of course, needs progress in many areas. What movement do you hope someone (or you!) starts next? Can you explain why that is so important?
The movement I hope for is the one that says:
We can achieve great things, but only if we work together and recognize that we are in this as one. It’s time to discard the myth of ‘individualism’ since our choices impact everyone. We must begin by valuing and supporting one another while also challenging the hierarchical mindset perpetuated by patriarchy. Uniting starts with granting women equal representation in decision-making processes. Let’s critically examine the societal norms that divide us. Why do we overlook the contributions of those who nurture and naturally seek the welfare of the whole community? When will we understand that solely male leadership often results in decisions that favor aggression or conflict? How has that approach worked for us?
How can our readers further follow your work online?
Readers can follow my work online at:
Facebook.com/LayerUponLayerBook
Instagram.com/LayerUponLayerBoo
Thank you so much for taking the time to share with us and our readers. We know that it will make a tremendous difference and impact thousands of lives. We are excited to connect further and we wish you so much joy in your next success.
Author David Horton On The Book That Changed His Life was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.