An Interview With Lucinda Koza
Understand that physicians are human, not magicians.
Infertility and the journey through IVF are challenges that many individuals and couples face, often accompanied by emotional, physical, and financial stress. Despite advancements in reproductive technology, the process can be isolating and fraught with uncertainty. How can we better support those navigating infertility and IVF, and what strategies can help manage the various challenges along the way? As a part of this series, I had the pleasure of interviewing Rosanne Austin, J.D., PCC.
Rosanne Austin, JD, PCC, received her coaching training from the honored Coaches Training Institute in San Rafael, California. She is certified by and a member of the International Coach Federation, which is the leader in professional training, standards, and ethics for coaching professionals.
Rosanne is also a proud member of California State Bar. She received her Juris Doctorate from University of the Pacific, McGeorge School of Law, where she was on the Dean’s List and received the Witkin Award in Expert and Scientific Evidence. She also holds a Bachelor of Arts in History from San Francisco State University, graduating Summa Cum Laude.
Rosanne’s professional background has given her the honor and opportunity to directly impact thousands of people’s lives, at a time when they were vulnerable, fearful, heartbroken, and at a crossroads.
Rosanne is the author of 3 bestselling books and her work has been featured on leading podcasts such as The Doctor Mom Podcast, Infertility in the City, The Wholesome Fertility Podcast, Infertile AF, Finding Fertility, The Hormone Puzzle Podcast, The Egg Whisperer Show. She has also had leading fertility experts such as Dr. Zaher Merhi, Dr. Aimee Eyvazzadeh, Dr. Robert Kiltz, and Dr. Christiane Northrup on her top 1% Fearlessly Fertile Podcast.
When she is not writing, mentoring, speaking, teaching, leading her transformational events and programs, or loving on her husband and son, Rosanne gives back by serving organizations committed to providing resources to survivors of Human Trafficking and for the protection of abused/abandoned dogs and cats.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! “Before we dive in, our readers would love to “get to know you” better. Can you tell us a bit about you and your backstory?
When my fertility journey started, I was a sexual assault prosecutor in California. I absolutely loved my work advocating for child and adult survivors of sexual abuse. I was at the top of my career and my husband and I decided we were ready to start our family. At the time, I had no idea how our lives were about to be turned upside down.
Describe the process of realizing you had challenges with fertility. What was the level of access to resources available to you in order to see the right doctors, run the right tests, etc?
I was barely 37 when we started trying for our family. I heard it was harder for “older” women to conceive, but at the time, I had no idea that included me! I was absolutely shocked to hear that women over 35 were considered “geriatric” by allopathic medicine. I didn’t look or feel old, yet according to the medical establishment, my fertility was going downhill fast. This put me in an immediate panic. What I thought would be a loving and exciting time in our lives, very quickly turned into a crisis for which my husband and I were ill-prepared for. We had access to some basic resources that were covered by our insurance, but when it became clear that we would be ushered into specialized fertility clinics, we were hit with medical expenses that seemed daunting. There was very little education offered along the way and it seemed like our only option was to have IVF, if there was going to be any hope of us having the child we longed for. The care we were given was apathetic at best, it was super clinical, and in many ways lacked humanity. I say that because rather than treating us as individuals, we were ushered into standard treatment protocols, based on broad statistics, which didn’t take our unique circumstances into account. The care felt a lot like going through a fast food drive through. Of the many physicians and specialists we saw, honestly, one stands out as having treated us like human beings.
Did you keep this realization private? If so, why?
I kept my realizations private at the time, because I felt like my prospects of success were dismal. I internalized my diagnosis of “unexplained” fertility issues as a statement of my value as a woman. I was embarrassed and ashamed. Here I was, highly educated, serving my community, relatively young, yet I could not do the one thing I was “supposed” to be able to do as a woman. I felt like I was living with a terrible secret. I also didn’t want any of my colleagues to find out that I was trying to have a baby, as it may have affected my ability to get high profile trial assignments or further career advancement. It’s hard to believe, but even in the 2010s that was still “a thing.”
How much did this realization affect your sense of self, or call into question your plans for your future?
It called into question just about everything I had imagined for my future. I was terrorized that I would let my husband down by not being able to get pregnant and carry the child we dearly wanted. I felt lost and frankly unmoored. I even considered telling him to leave me for someone younger and more fertile. My heart was broken and despite my professional accomplishments, education, and impact on my community, I felt worthless. I spend a lot of time wondering if I would ever be happy. I even wondered if I had made the wrong choice in having worked so hard to build my career. My fertility journey was nothing short of an existential crisis. It threw my entire world into question. It is no exaggeration to say that I lost myself for a few years. It felt like I was a shell of the woman I once was.
Following through with the complete process of fertility testing and treatment can be absolutely grueling for your body for what could be years. How did you cope with constant procedures, medications, hormones?
The fertility testing is in some ways barbaric. Having balloons inserted in your uterus to expand it so the structure can be studied is intensely painful and having saline shot through your fallopian tubes to see if they are open is no walk in the park. The load of drugs and hormones drove me to have massive fluctuations in my weight and at one point I had lost so much hair that I had a bald patch on the back of my head the size of a quarter and I would cry every time I washed my hair because some much was coming out. It was a horror show. At one point I had gotten so thin that my husband told me there was no way he was going to continue participating in the treatments, because my health was in such decline. In addition to what the drugs and hormones were doing, the emotional toll was brutal. It felt like I was out of control of my emotions…and my life.
Was there a point at which you felt as if your body wasn’t your own? If so, how have you been able to reclaim it? Explain.
It felt like that from the very beginning, because all of the physicians we saw would talk about our body parts as separate organs that didn’t work together. No one but the “alternative” practitioners treated us and our bodies as whole, synergistic units. It also seemed like quite often there was little patience with our discomfort or downright pain with some of the procedures. I often vacillated between feeling like a pin cushion or lab rat. I began to distrust and at times hate my body. I felt like this beautiful machine (my body) was quite literally betraying me. It is still heartbreaking to say that.
Can you please share “5 Things You Need to Navigate the Challenges of Infertility and IVF”?
1 . Mindset is the #1 resource women and men need to successfully navigate their fertility journey. The way you think and what you believe is the foundation of your success, if you plan to make it to the end of your journey with a baby in your arms. Having helped women from ages 28 to 53 get pregnant, and having lived this journey myself, I know that most conversations about fertility tend to veer toward doom and gloom, but that is a sadly skewed reality. I worked with a 52 year old woman who was repeatedly told she was “too old.” But this courageous woman made the decision to believe she was not too old and instead began assembling a team of supportive specialists around her that would support her dream. Today, she is the loving mother to a 2-year-old boy. It’s proof positive that a strong mindset can help women defy the odds. If she had listened to the naysayers and statistics, she’d be living with regret.I believe that the desire in a woman’s heart to be a mom is there because motherhood was meant for her–when there’s a will there is a way.
2 . A clear statement of what they value most on the journey. Individuals and couples on this journey need to be clear about what matters to them. Do they want to focus on natural conception? Are they open to IVF? Donor eggs or donor sperm? Are they open to surrogacy or does the woman want the pregnancy experience? When one is clear about what they value, the fertility journey is less overwhelming and decisions can be made confidently, and most importantly, regret-free. I’ve worked with clients in their mid to late 40s who were immediately ushered into IVF, when what they really wanted was to give themselves a chance to conceive naturally. I’ve lost count of how many women I’ve coached who didn’t want to do IVF at all, hated it, had it fail, and went on to conceive naturally with relative ease.
3 . Understand that physicians are human, not magicians. Sadly, way too many people hand the responsibility for making their baby-making dreams over to their physicians. Not only is this undue pressure on their doctor, it’s wildly irresponsible. The patient-physician relationship should be one of mutual trust and respect. It’s a collaboration, not a tyranny. I’ve seen many people get upset with their physician, without taking responsibility for their own part in supporting their fertility future. You can’t out-treat a poor mindset or poor attention to overall health. Patient and physician both have a role. I have seen countless women go from despair to empowerment, by becoming an active, positive participant in their care and the results are nothing short of miraculous. 4 . Be clear with friends and family about how they can support you during this time in your life. One of the biggest mistakes I see women make on this journey is not asking for the exact kind of support they desire from those around them, or assuming that because family and friends know them, that they will know exactly what they need. A struggle with fertility is an incredibly personal and unique experience. No two women facing this challenge are exactly the same. Part of getting the support we desire as we live this chapter of our lives is taking responsibility for empowering those around us with information about how they can be there for us. The same is true if a woman chooses not to share the details of her journey. I have observed women who felt abandoned by loved ones, revive those relationships, by simply being honest and clear about their desires and boundaries. This journey can actually be a catalyst to deeper, more authentic relationships.
5 . Understand that the road to a baby isn’t always a straight line. A healthy dose of patience and perspective is crucial. We are talking about the miracle of life. If the fertility journey was simply a matter of an egg and a sperm coming together, we’d all have a single round of IVF and call it Mother’s Day. That’s hardly the case. While medicine has made incredible advancements, there are still no guarantees of immediate or ultimate success. That lies in our hands. Don’t take anything that happens on this journey personally or make it a final and irreparable verdict. I have had clients with 10+ failed embryo transfers, and go on to have perfectly healthy babies. It came down to resilience and tenacity, which is the one thing we, as women, can control.
A woman’s drive and desire to be a mother could be completely personal, simple, or nuanced. It could also be a bold imperative. I believe mothering and caregiving is the most essential labor toward creating a better society. Would you share what has driven you to work so hard and sacrifice so much toward this goal?
I was so driven to stand by my desire to be a mom, because I could feel it to the core of my soul that it was part of my purpose. I knew that part of my expression as a woman would be to have the pregnancy experience, birth my son (yes, I knew I would have a son), and raise him to be a contributing member of society. I actually don’t believe that was really a sacrifice. I see it as a celebration and form of gratitude for being given the gift of my life. It’s my responsibility to make the most of it. Besides, I’m not the kind of woman who takes no for an answer and there’s no way I was going to leave this Earth without my boy. What makes my clients and I different is we choose to trust ourselves, our bodies, and our babies.
Wonderful. We are nearly done. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, with whom you would like to have a private breakfast or lunch, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we tag them. :-)?
I would love to have lunch with Leila Hormozi. She is a hell of a business woman, who doesn’t try to pretend she’s perfect. She’s had her own health and personal struggles, and she has used them to inspire others to make an impact through their work and businesses.
If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
I am leading a movement now. My goal is to help 100k women have 100k babies and redefine success on feminine terms. I believe women can have it all, impactful careers, lasting love, and the babies they long for.
How can our readers follow your work online?
www.frommaybetobaby.com, @rosanneaustinfertility on instagram
Thank you so much for joining us. This was very inspirational.
About the Interviewer: After becoming her father’s sole caregiver at a young age, Lucinda Koza founded I-Ally, a community-based app that provides access to services and support for millennial family caregivers. Mrs. Koza has had essays published in Thought Catalog, Medium Women, Caregiving.com and Hackernoon.com. She was featured in ‘Founded by Women: Inspiration and Advice from over 100 Female Founders’ by Sydney Horton. A filmmaker, Mrs. Koza premiered short film ‘Laura Point’ at the 2015 Cannes Film Festival and recently co-directed ‘Caregivers: A Story About Them’ with Egyptian filmmaker Roshdy Ahmed. Her most notable achievement, however, has been becoming a mother to fraternal twins in 2023. Reach out to Lucinda via social media or directly by email: lucinda@i-ally.com.
Rosanne Austin Of The Fearlessly Fertile Method On Navigating the Challenges of Infertility and IVF was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.