An Interview With Dr. Carla Marie Manly
Strengthening your connection to your subconscious, the primal autopilot that rules us without consent, will allow you to better understand yourself so that ultimately, you can see which aspects of your lifestyle, personality, or habits need change.
Growth is an essential part of life, both personally and professionally. Every day presents an opportunity to learn, evolve, and become better versions of ourselves. But how do we seize these opportunities? How do successful writers, leaders, and influencers ensure they are constantly growing and improving? What daily habits, practices, or mindsets contribute to their continual growth? In this interview series, we are talking to authors, leaders, influencers, and anyone who is an authority about “What We Can Do To Grow Every Day”. As a part of this series, I had the pleasure of interviewing April Davis.
April Davis is the founder of the multi-award-winning dating service, LUMA Luxury Matchmaking. April has been a Certified Matchmaker and Dating Coach for over 20 years and has been featured in Forbes, Cosmopolitan, Newsweek, Brides Magazine, CBS, Bravo, The Real HouseWives, Bustle, and many, many more publications.
Thank you so much for your time! I know that you are a very busy person. Our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us your “Origin Story”? Can you tell us the story of how you grew up?
I grew up in Minnesota as a small-town, Midwestern girl with big-city dreams. I’d say that I’ve always been deeply intuitive and passionate about relationships, but I also had my sights set on owning a business and climbing the corporate ladder.
I was lucky to graduate with an MBA by 20 and worked my way up a Fortune 500 company. I started professional snowmobile racing in my teens and eventually found my way into modeling. I was juggling a lot in my early 20s!
But if there was one thing I knew more than anything- it was how to help people find love. Actually, I had my first successful marriage match at 16!
Can you tell us a bit about what you do professionally, and what brought you to this specific career path?
I founded and currently own LUMA Luxury Matchmaking. Our mission is to help busy, successful professionals meet, attract, and retain a quality match and long-term, committed relationship.
I would say that my career in Matchmaking started very early on. As I mentioned, even in my teens, I was always trying to couple up my friends and family when I saw there was compatibility. I love love, and I always have.
If you interviewed my mother, she would tell you that I was born to be a Matchmaker. It’s pretty much an instinct. I have a talent for perceiving compatibility and assessing people’s personalities.
What really led me to create LUMA was the need for better-quality dating services. I saw the single women in my life face so much difficulty making meaningful connections and meeting great partners. I began a deep investigation of current dating trends and services to see how a new model could truly help singles find love. My MBA has an emphasis on Process Improvement, which streamlined the process of business planning.
After years of research, the plans for LUMA started to take shape. I decided to focus on serving busy professionals who didn’t have time for online dating and wanted a more direct path toward meeting like-minded singles.
Really, the rest is history. LUMA grew exponentially in the 10 years after its founding, and we’re now serving clients nationwide.
Thank you for all that. Let’s now turn to the main focus of our discussion about Personal Growth. To make sure that we are all on the same page, let’s begin with a simple definition. What does “Personal Growth” mean to you?
Personal growth is the process of self-discovery, recognizing what you need to change, and making a conscious effort every day to transform your mindset, behavior, or habits.
Personally, I believe that personal growth is only achieved when you’re not afraid to look at the broken, painful, or incomplete parts of yourself. Having the courage to face even the most shadowy, unloved parts of you is the first step to becoming whole and transforming your life.
Why do you believe that it’s important to commit to growing every day?
They say it takes 21 days to break a habit, but that’s actually false. It can take up to a year for a new habit to become routine, or to stop a negative habit.
With that same logic, we have to understand that each person is operating on a different timeline for personal growth and appreciate the courage it takes to change the most fundamental aspects of your personality.
Without recommitting to personal growth every single day, it will never become habitual. That’s what’s so crucial about personal growth, being committed to never giving up.
What are the key upsides for those who mindfully engage in a journey of personal evolution?
Only through growth, expansion, and actualization, can we enjoy feeling fulfilled. Breaking away from old habits, mindsets, and actions that don’t serve you requires dedication and perseverance, but becoming the highest form of yourself is one of the most freeing experiences.
Growth is the medium that turns mediocrity into greatness. Now, the definition of “greatness” varies for everyone; we all don’t want or need to be movie stars and astronauts. Most of us, however, desire a simpler life of being known, seen, and heard by a community that loves and respects us.
If you feel stale, stagnant, or unfulfilled, self-expansion is the gateway to transformation.
When we stop evolving in intentional ways, what do you think are the biggest downsides?
When we stop being intentional with our growth, our personalities, lives, and trajectories become unintentional, which ultimately leads to mediocrity, stagnation, and disappointment.
Living without purpose is what leads to that moment of, “Oh my gosh, what am I doing with my life?’ that hits some of us around 40. I’ve had so many friends wake up one day and realize they never meant to build the life they live and face deep regret and uncertainty. The upside is that we always have the power to rewrite that narrative and change the things we don’t like about our lives.
What specific practices, if any, do you have in place to ensure that you don’t become stagnant in life?
It’s less of a practice and more of a set of values: I never settle for less than I want, and I always try to push through my fear. I know that sounds a little aggressive, but it’s also a paradigm for leading a fulfilling life.
Of course, we’ve all had to make concessions periodically. We’ve all been afraid of the uncertainties that accompany new opportunities. But you can either let risk and fear paralyze you or take the leap of faith into the unknown.
So, find the courage to be brutally honest with yourself. Really ponder, “Why isn’t my life resonating with me?”, and find what’s missing or needs to be left behind. Set an event on your calendar to meditate on this question once or twice a year, because you’ll find that there’s always something you can change to become more whole.
Is there any particular area of your life where you are most committed to growth (e.g., spiritually, professionally, socially, internally, relationally)?
As a Matchmaker and Dating Coach, I’m always searching for opportunities to deepen my connection with others. Part of that is through self-expansion and transformation because putting your best foot forward is essential to making meaningful connections.
Sharpening and fine-tuning my intuition is a routine now. I document my growth via LUMA’s success rate and being committed to excellence and improvement is what’s kept that number high.
If you could offer five tips to readers on how to stimulate and perpetuate self-growth, what would they be?
Number 1: Create spaciousness
“If you place a plant in a crowded pot, its growth is inevitably going to be stunted. Humans are much the same. To create an environment that facilitates, nurtures, and encourages growth, you have to create the space for it! Yes, that requires you to make intentional time to be attuned and open to the opportunity for growth.
Setting aside dedicated time to journal, meditate, or read books on self-expansion will not only ensure a space for growth in your life but also encourage self-growth and actualization to become a habit. Without intentionality and effort, it’s very unlikely that growth will become routine in your life.”
Number 2: Engage in the mundane and be open to growth.
Sometimes, the greatest strokes of brilliance are found in the mundane. Last week, while washing dishes, I looked out my kitchen window to see a fledgling baby bird singing for its mother to return with food.
In that banal moment, I had a memory from my childhood come into mind. I realized something about myself, the pain I had been holding onto for years, by washing dishes and birdwatching.
So often, we take for granted the inspiration that can be found via seemingly uneventful occasions. Finding quiet moments throughout the day to tune into your surroundings can increase your connection to your inner self, therefore allowing you the opportunity to rediscover your subconscious and listen to what it has to say.
Number 3: Accept that moments for personal growth will come and go but seize any and all opportunities.
The most beautiful parts of humanity, like growth, creativity, and love, are often abstract and not tangible items you can hang on to. Really, it’s like trying to catch lightning in a bottle. Moments for growth will come and pass, like drifting clouds, and we must accept their transience and hold strong in our belief that inspiration will always find its way to us again.
When a mood of introspection does capture you, be ready to get vulnerable and analytical so that you can seize the opportunity. One practice that’s helped me seize all opportunities for growth is that I always keep a small notepad with me. No matter if I’m out at a nice restaurant, on a hike, or in a meeting, if I have an inspiring thought, I write it down so that I can analyze and expand on it later.
Number 4: Foster your connection with your subconscious
I’m sure you’re familiar with repressed memories. I once read a book in which the author described her patient’s journey to remembering a deeply repressed childhood trauma. It was painful and arduous, but the client was eventually able to heal a wound that has followed her for 20 years and grew exponentially because of her journey.
Strengthening your connection to your subconscious, the primal autopilot that rules us without consent, will allow you to better understand yourself so that ultimately, you can see which aspects of your lifestyle, personality, or habits need change.
Employing techniques like meditation, visualization, and mindfulness will help to reconnect your conscious and unconscious self, allowing you greater control of your unconscious mind. By making your subconscious more malleable, you can revisit core moments suspended in memory to reflect on how you grew, and how you can continue to grow.
Number 5: Fall madly in love with yourself
I once had a client who appeared to be the total package: he was attractive, charming, successful, and unwaveringly kind. He couldn’t figure out why women seemed to ditch him after the first date. We did an in-depth personality assessment and uncovered the truth: it was apparent that he didn’t love himself.
See, he was a self-proclaimed pushover who would settle for less than he deserved. We spent months working with him, teaching him how to practice self-care and self-love. During this time, he took a break from our matchmaking services and solely focused on self-expansion. Once we felt he was ready, we began our Matchmaking process. He ended up marrying the second woman he was introduced to.
One of the most crucial components of self-growth is self-love. Without radically compassionate self-love, it’s likely that you’ll never feel inspired to grow or expand. Practices like positive affirmations, gratitude, and living your life intentionally can help nurture your relationship with yourself, and in turn, boost confidence, resilience, and an attitude for growth.
What advice would you give to someone who feels stuck and unsure of how to start their personal growth journey?
Don’t let yourself fade into the background of your own life.
I know it’s hard to do the hard thing, and ordinariness is dangerously addictive. But you have to examine even the most painful pieces of yourself and your life to truly become the person you were meant to be.
Create spaciousness in your life, which will in turn facilitate opportunities for self-reflection and actualization. Take time off work or away from your spouse if possible, to be unclouded by your current responsibilities. Remember who you are, and don’t ever stop working towards what truly matters to you.
Recognize that you are just as capable as anyone else, and although we’re all dealt different hands in life, it’s your responsibility to yourself to actualize a life filled with passion.
Are there any books, podcasts, or other resources that have significantly contributed to your personal growth?
I regularly listen to The Happiness Lab podcast. Dr. Laurie Santos is a true thought leader and self-expansion visionary. I actually took the Yale course, The Science of Well-Being, which led to the creation of Dr. Santos’s podcast. Both are exceptional tools for personal growth and expansion.
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
The US has one of the highest rates of loneliness in the world. It’s the least talked about, most disheartening endemic. The global pandemic only further isolated us from our communities, and society has never truly recovered.
If I could create a movement, it would be to rebuild communities, relationships, and how we interact with society. As a Matchmaker, creating and maintaining meaningful relationships are a paradigm in my life. I believe that everyone deserves the opportunity to love and feel love in return, from partners, family, and friends alike.
If possible, I would ensure that every person had a mentor, like a matchmaker or life coach, to help them connect with others and build a community of valued friends.
How can our readers further follow your work online?
If you’re searching for “The One” and are committed to finding a loving, lasting relationship, you can visit: lumasearch.com to complete your profile and schedule a call with one of our Certified Matchmakers.
Thank you so much for sharing these important insights. We wish you continued success and good health!
About The Interviewer: Dr. Carla Marie Manly — clinical psychologist, author, and advocate — is based in Sonoma County, California. In addition to her clinical practice focusing on relationships and personal transformation, Dr. Manly is deeply invested in her roles as podcaster and speaker. With a refreshingly direct and honest approach — plus a dose of humor — Dr. Manly enjoys supporting others in the ever-evolving journey of life. Her novel self-development paradigm builds resilience, emotional intelligence, and self-esteem. Highlighting the importance of loving connection, her work also focuses on helping others create deeply connected and satisfying intimate and social relationships. Working from a transformative model that honors the body-mind-spirit connection, Dr. Manly offers holistic relationship and wellness seminars around the world. An award-winning author, Dr. Manly’s books, The Joy of Imperfect Love, Date Smart, Joy from Fear, and Aging Joyfully highlight her empowering approach and profound expertise. Host of the captivating podcast, Imperfect Love, Dr. Manly offers uplifting guidance on navigating the messy road of life. Her expertise is also regularly cited in media outlets including The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, USA Today, Forbes, Oprah, Newsweek, NBC, HuffPost, Reader’s Digest, Psychology Today, Parade, GQ, Women’s Health, Architectural Digest, Men’s Health, and more.
Growing Every Day: April Davis Of LUMA Luxury Matchmaking On What We Can Do To Grow Every Day was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.