Mental Wellness Mastery: Mental Health Expert Dr Marlon Gray Of Empower U On Everyday Life Hacks For Optimal Mental Wellness
An Interview With Eden Gold
Curiosity — Remain a student of life itself. Ask questions, engage in conversations, step back and take moments to observe life in motion in all its beauty, and be open-minded in experimenting with new things. I feel that putting yourself in a position to learn also leads to some powerful realizations that can contribute to the path you choose for your next area of growth and development.
In our modern, fast-paced society, mental wellness is a crucial aspect of leading a fulfilling life. However, for many people, achieving and maintaining good mental health can be a challenging task, with obstacles such as stress, anxiety, depression, and more. That’s why it’s essential to have practical and accessible strategies for mental wellness that can help build resilience, emotional intelligence, and overall well-being. As part of this series, we had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Marlon Gray.
Dr. Marlon Gray is a social entrepreneur and conscious capitalist who is the founder and CEO of Empower U., a New Jersey based behavioral health firm that serves children, families, and adults affected by challenges ranging from mental health to intellectual/developmental disabilities, Autism, and behavioral disorders. With an integrative approach that considers the well-being of the whole person and care provider in mind, Dr. Gray creates an ecosystem that empowers the individuals who seek to empower those in need of care — adding the concept of cultural and experiential relatability while doing so.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series. Before we dive into our discussion about Mental Wellness Life Hacks, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you share with us the backstory about what brought you to your specific career path?
First of all, thank you for the time and attention around this matter that is so important to us all. As a kid from Queens, NY, born to Guyanese parents and growing up in the 80’s where I witnessed neighbors who were once friendly become addicted to drugs or be involved in gang violence, I had some interesting community experiences as a child. Being that kid in school who was often bullied for having immigrant parents or not having the “right” clothes or haircut, I had some interesting school experiences as a child. Not to get into specifics out of both respect and the understanding and forgiveness that comes with maturity, I will simply say that I had some interesting home experiences as well. When I say interesting, I mean experiences that could shape a person and the how so could honestly go either way and serve to produce one of two outcomes — make or break.
Pivotal events, such as making the move to New Jersey where I spent my teenage years, helped. A caring teacher who took interest and asked questions, helped. Channeling energy and finding community in basketball and other sports, helped. Even with this help, I grew to realize that trauma can leave scars — scars that can impact how you function internally and interact with the world. I, myself, was challenged in my life in dealing with many of these. After sustaining life’s bumps and blows, triumphs, and disasters, and finally submitting to the need to engage in a therapeutic journey steeped in reflection and reframing, I have arrived at a place of inner peace and happiness. Along my own journey, I found a power in sharing and the passion for this particular career path found me and continues to sustain me as I walk it.
Now, I see that our scars do not define us, but our choice to transcend from the circumstances that created them and the stories that our will to survive allows us to tell, can help us. Those stories are empowering and should be shared for the upliftment of others. To reach that pivotal ascension and transcendence, it requires a solid look in the mirror, an honest conversation with oneself, and a willingness to seek the resources necessary for the journey. That is what Empower U. is to me — that tool and resource. That friend in need who takes your hand, assures you that you are not alone, and walks alongside you. That is the long-term dream at least. To me, I represent a smaller percentage of those who have had similar experiences and made it to where I am in life and what is most interesting are the stories of those who did not. My mission and passion are centered on how to help them now as well as assist in lighting a better pathway for those to come. I feel that Empower U.’s culture and the members within, in their own unique ways, represent this mission day in and day out as we pour our talents into those in need.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?
There are so many interesting stories. So much so that it’s hard to choose but I think that is what I love about this career. Yes, there are many stories that will make you cry, but there are also ones that will make you laugh and fill your heart with pride and joy. I would say a career highlight has been having Empower U. accepted into Ernst & Young’s Entrepreneurs’ Access Network, an accelerator program for diverse business owners that teaches the drivers of growth and essentially prepares them for larger conversations that bring about growth. This program has helped me work on my networking skills. It has given me the confidence to dream even bigger and articulate the how and why to organizations that can help me expand our program’s outreach, like social impact funds from private equity firms. In the first year, Empower U. was able to earn an invitation to EY’s Strategic Growth Forum where we engaged with firms who are interested in investing in our next stages of growth.
There was one firm, in particular, that expressed interest and we were highly interested in them as well, but without explanation, they “ghosted” us, and this is where the power of mental health and mindset work came into play for me. I did not see this as a catastrophe, but rather a catalyst. I had gone from feeling that Empower U. had reached its social impact potential and given me greater potential and opportunity to deepen our impact across the country — something I had dreamt of, but admittedly lost confidence in the possibility of. This experience kicked us into an even higher gear and reignited our passion to walk in our purpose on purpose.
With a larger realm of possibility now introduced, we are more excited than ever to continue to innovate and let the world know who we are and why these conversations about behavioral health are so pivotal. I never imagined a kid from Queens would have the journey that I’ve had and be able to soar into this space. I never imagined that I would be in many of the rooms that I’m now in and having the conversations that I now have with the people that I am having them with. I perceive it as hard work paying the dividend of the world that you reach out to replying and telling you something that you’ve longed to hear — that you matter and what you do matters as well.
You are a successful individual. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
- Authenticity — I am real with my people. I hold firm on the belief that the best leaders are flat leaders. Boots on the ground and able to navigate with their team as they traverse the terrain with them. In that role, you can demonstrate the desirable behavior that makes up your organization’s culture. I am honest about my strengths and weaknesses, and I share and celebrate wins. I own and strategize better paths forward in failure. Most importantly, I know how to ask for help.
- Collaborative Spirit — I seek opportunities to collaborate as often as possible. Whether it is empowering an internal member to partner on a new initiative that we sponsor, or we work externally with strategic partners to create a larger and cleaner program offering to our stakeholders. Collaboration offers two critical things — new perspectives and increased opportunity for all involved when handled correctly. Instead of having to decide on buy versus build strategies constantly, we love to incorporate option number 3 — combine and conquer. To date, this spirit has served our organization well.
- Discipline — I make a conscious effort to stick to the things that keep me stable. I try not to let things knock me too far off my chosen path or my goal in progress. I am aware of my biases and emotions, which allow me to navigate more tumultuous waters as they come. I continuously work on this discipline. I also work on my own time and self-management discipline which includes carving time for physical activity, downtime, isolation time to be uninterrupted in my creative space, etc.
Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the primary focus of our interview about mental wellness mastery. What is one often-overlooked daily habit that can significantly improve one’s mental wellness?
Gratitude. It doesn’t sound like much of a habit or practice, but finding opportunities to experience, acknowledge, and be still with gratitude is something I feel the hectic pace of everyday life can distract us from engaging in. Every day offers the opportunity to learn something new, try something new, master something new and for that opportunity alone, I wake up daily with gratitude. I find that it improves my mood, reduces stress, and boosts self-esteem by offering a positive starting block for the day. It enhances my relationship both internally and externally and lends way to increased resilience to manage the stresses that tend to come daily with the life of entrepreneurship and the role of leadership. No matter what is going on in your life, there is always something to be grateful for. Find it. Own it. Use it to jumpstart your check-in with yourself. It goes a long way and so will you.
How do you recommend individuals recalibrate their mental wellness after experiencing a significant setback or failure?
Practice grace, for sure. Forgive yourself and accept the apology that may never come externally so that you can gracefully forgive others as well. Carrying the weight of negative self-talk and the stress, anxiety, and depression that it can bring is disempowering. The power, to me, is realizing that it can be self-imposed and therefore you are the one with the choice, you are the one in control.
When I experience downfall, I reboot. Not to get too techy, but I equate it to reverting to the last saved good version of the file that is your life, your peace, your happiness. This is why understanding your own life stack is important. For me, it is resetting to a place where I am in control of my day by rising early and owning my small wins like setting direction for the day with answering emails, praying, meditating, taking a nice walk with my dogs, and hitting the gym. It leads to stronger days, more restful nights and more energy and resilience to rinse, wash, and repeat. When I experience a significant setback, I find it important to look at all the factors that stabilize me. I look to restore them as I work on healthy coping while I allow time to do what it does — heal.
Practice reflection and metacognition — looking inward to process experiences while thinking about your life and what you need and want from it so that you’re better able to shape your future experiences. Silence your inner critic and engage in positive self-talk and practice this continuously until you rebound. Remember it isn’t the setback, it’s how you get back — and you are more in control than you often realize.
In your experience, what is a common misconception about mental health that hinders people from seeking help or improving their wellness?
I see so many people resistant to seeking mental health assistance and I feel stigma plays a large role. There are many complex layers to stigma, especially social and cultural. People don’t want to feel “crazy” although it’s a crazy world that we live in. They tend to worry more about optics and how they may be judged, discriminated against, or perceived by others than they do about what its impact on their lives and what they need to do to adapt to a better space of living. I love that we are talking about it more these days and leadership around the topic is emerging at the rate that it is. We are normalizing the conversation, and we need to continue to, so thank you again for allowing this space for your audience. Truth, or at least in my lens, is that being able to look yourself in the mirror and admit that you need help is self-accountability and honesty. Seeking help when you need it is bold, courageous, exudes strength and resonates with self-awareness and self-love. Mental health is a part of the overall health of every individual, so just like other areas of health, it requires maintenance and check-ups — and this not only acceptable but essential.
Can you share a transformative moment or client story that highlights the power of a specific mental wellness strategy?
There was a young man in my program, we’ll call him Jimmy. Jimmy was a 6-year-old whose father was incarcerated and out of his life. His mother had a series of unaddressed traumas and mental health challenges that were impacting her in multiple areas of her life as an adult — including her parenting capacity and skills. Jimmy moved around frequently, often by way of eviction, never quite having a sense of permanency, community, continuity, or security. Jimmy may not have had a lot of words, but when he did express himself to the outside world, it came in the form of behavior that often got him into trouble at home, at school, and in the community.
When the referral came to us, at the time I owned a different agency that provided just professional and paraprofessional services. We were assigned as the provider of a paraprofessional service, called behavioral assistance (BA) by the State of New Jersey and in-home counseling, referred to as intensive in-community (IIC) services. While the therapist, a female, was highly impactful with Jimmy, the power was through the services of his behavioral assistant, Edwin. The power of a term that I introduced in my 2018 dissertation, Cultural Relatability, came strongly into play to create a life-changing impact for this young man.
Jimmy is Latino and Black, from uptown Manhattan originally. Edwin is Latino as well, originally from the Dominican Republic, but long residing uptown and familiar with the community. Edwin knew a lot about Jimmy’s position from having a similar one himself — and Jimmy could not only feel it, but it made him feel accepted and seen. Missing a male figure in his life, Jimmy found something he needed in his connection with Edwin. Edwin was a skilled and certified behaviorist, established a referent influence for Jimmy and worked with him on communication and channeling his frustrations more productively. In addition to recreation and conversation, the mental wellness strategy that Edwin deployed was rooted in self-exploration and understanding of oneself. We discussed the life stack and Jimmy’s exploration helped identify recreational and creative outlets as being a great method of managing his emotions and behavior.
Jimmy’s creative outlet came in the form of baking, where he learned how to create baked goods and took pride not only in the skill acquisition but also the reaction of others who tasted his baked goods. Edwin, over the years, continued to encourage Jimmy’s endeavor by assisting his creative process and helping him explore entrepreneurship as an option for himself. With Edwin, the therapist, and myself as a parent coach now forming a team around this child and family, Jimmy and his mother improved their relationship by baking together and forming a business. Not only did Jimmy manage to break out of bad habits and behaviors, but he and his mother were able to cultivate a stronger relationship rooted in respectful communication, security, and trust.
What makes this story beautiful to me is that not only did Jimmy expand his business to local bodegas and coffee shops, but the community also that he long needed began to form a shield of support and protection around him. They carried his goods, supported his efforts, and promoted him and his business. A few years out of our engagement with Jimmy, I saw him on a major talk show as a guest while he baked for the audience. He received growth funding from major banking institutions and partnership with major consumer packaged goods distributors to expand his business. To date, Jimmy’s baked goods have been sold by major names that we know such as Wholefoods. He owns a commercial kitchen and distributes worldwide. He turned pain into power by establishing a mental wellness strategy rooted in emotional regulation and mental resilience that has served to propel him to heights beyond the imagination of many.
Based on your experience and research, can you please share “5 Everyday Life Hacks For Optimal Mental Wellness?”
I prefer to refer to this as my life stack. It’s all the tools, habits and practices that drive the growth and constant elevation that you define and design to achieve a sense of completeness.
1 . Self-intimacy — This is where it starts for me. It’s not a term you hear often, in fact, I had not heard it until I discovered the elements behind it and started referring to it that way. It’s an emphasis on the strength of your meaningful and deep relationship with yourself. It’s taking moments of inflection that promote understanding of yourself and the world that you integrate yourself with. It’s understanding, accepting, and connecting with yourself — thoughts, feelings, and experiences. In a world that doesn’t often stop to ask you how you are doing, you can take the lead by checking in with yourself to ask the same — and being honest with yourself about it. I feel that when your self-intimacy is strong, then the connection to the outside world has a strong foundation rooted in security and self-assurance. As a practice, I look at myself in the mirror daily to check in — whether its identifying something I love about myself, something I’d like to work on, forgiving myself for challenges that I may have let get the better of me in the moment, or hyping myself to try again fearlessly.
2 . Curiosity — Remain a student of life itself. Ask questions, engage in conversations, step back and take moments to observe life in motion in all its beauty, and be open-minded in experimenting with new things. I feel that putting yourself in a position to learn also leads to some powerful realizations that can contribute to the path you choose for your next area of growth and development. There is something rewarding about discovering and learning that I find feeds me mentally and emotionally. Embracing curiosity, like I do when I travel or discover a new podcast or anything else, opens up the mind to possibilities and allows a pathway to dreaming big and goal setting. I think observing satisfies my curiosity with valuable information that just reinforces the belief that normal is whatever I define it to be, for me. It helps me embrace uncertainty by giving me the confidence to try, fail, learn, and reapply regularly.
3 . Deliberate Practice — The next area is informed by the first two. In checking in with yourself, having honest conversations about what’s working and what’s not, and letting your curiosities work for you, you can identify things to try. Deliberate practice is about the things that you don’t do well but would like to. Through this practice, you can develop a level of comfort that can break down a barrier that once seemed unscalable into just a small hurdle that you can clearly overcome. Currently, I am practicing public speaking, including recognizing the physiological signs of nervousness around it, pace of speech, clarity of thought, etc. There really is something to be said for the power of skill acquisition and mastery. It often reminds me of the elation my son demonstrated the first time he tied his own shoelaces. He was so proud of himself. You could not knock him off his pedestal at that moment — he was on a natural high centered in himself. So, find a safe space to practice and get to it!
4 . Therapy (PRN) — Obviously, being a provider of the services, I believe in the product wholeheartedly. There is absolutely nothing wrong with acknowledging that you may need support. Whether its dealing with the impact of a negative experience — be it a breakup, loss, perceived failure, just a feeling of being lost or at a loss of control in your life, expert support is always available. I love my therapist. While we don’t meet weekly anymore, the comfort of knowing she’s always a call or text away and willing to fit me into her schedule for a check-in is powerful. I say PRN (pro re nata) which is Latin for “as needed” because it’s important to know that it’s ok to not regularly engage in therapy, but it’s important to know that it’s there when you need it. However, that being said, when you check-in with yourself, don’t be afraid to acknowledge that you may need just a little more to survive this period in your life and make that call.
5 . Self-Care — Fridays are my golden days to digitally detox, which is great for my mental health. Something about not mindlessly scrolling through social media, answering emails, or answering phone calls (aside from close family and friends) is so restorative and costs nothing to do. On those days I may treat myself to a barber appointment, a facial, a manicure or pedicure, a massage, spa day or any combination thereof. Throughout the week, I maintain a nice workout schedule with five days committed to weight training and sauna time, and two dedicated to active rest such as a walk, hike, or ride. I’m not saying this is what everyone should do but it works wonders for me. It improves my sleep, which impacts my energy and mood. Whatever your self-care routine looks like, find what works and engage in that deliberate practice until you find what comfortably integrates into the pace of your everyday life.
What role does technology play in mental wellness today, and how can individuals leverage it positively without exacerbating mental health issues?
Technology, like many other things in life, comes with its set of ups and downs, especially as it pertains to mental health. On the upside, it provides access to information and support, such as telehealth mental health counseling and apps that promote therapeutic activities such as mindfulness, mediation, or journaling. It also can be used as a tool for other mental health needs such as bio feedback data to help monitor heart rate, stress levels, or sleep quality. It can strongly assist with understanding and regulating yourself. It is highly important to note that technology, even if empowered by artificial intelligence, in no way is a substitute for mental health care but can operate as a supplement or complement to it.
On the flipside, however, it can be a source of confusing information if we are not mindful of the sources and “influencers” we choose to follow. It can create stress from information overload, especially while trying to distinguish truth from tale. Social media, especially, now offers a lot of content that can trigger negative emotions or otherwise contribute to anxiety and/or depression. It can also (and I’m guilty of this at times) lead to digital dependency. A personal example is that my phone is almost always in my hand. Sometimes I open it and scroll through social media just to kill time or jump on websites or play with apps mindlessly. Even more dangerously, I have shopped impulsively for things that I truly don’t need — just because everything is accessible in the palm of my hand, on demand.
To leverage technology without exacerbating mental health issues be sure to remain mindful of your use both in time and function. Most phones, aware of digital dependency for users, offer features to help you monitor your screen time and provide insights as to where you are spending your time. This is useful information, so don’t be scared to use it. Practice adjusting your usage by boundary setting with technology as you would with people.
While on the topic of practice, consider incorporating black outs from technology, otherwise referred to as a digital detox, where you disconnect from the phone, TV, or other device that draws your time and energy. This is a critical activity that is often overlooked because doing exactly the opposite is so easy to access and more controllable. This practice allows time and space to mentally recharge, recenter, and reduce the stresses of tech dependency.
Finally, in this age of seemingly intentional misinformation, as I always advise my 15-year-old son — check your sources carefully choose where to receive information from. Sometimes we are easily misled. At times we are subconsciously seeking and deferring to confirmation bias to reinforce our own maladaptive behavior or need to feel that we do not need to make any lifestyle adjustments that may truly be necessary. Be aware of this reality and proceed with a healthy degree of caution.
How can our readers further follow you online?
I have recently re-engaged with the social media world, but minimally so. Follow Empower U. on Instagram and Facebook and my personal LinkedIn. My posts are mostly about business, physical, and mental health — the things I love.
Thank you for the time you spent sharing these fantastic insights. We wish you only continued success in your great work!
About The Interviewer: Eden Gold, is a youth speaker, keynote speaker, founder of the online program Life After High School, and host of the Real Life Adulting Podcast. Being America’s rising force for positive change, Eden is a catalyst for change in shaping the future of education. With a lifelong mission of impacting the lives of 1 billion young adults, Eden serves as a practical guide, aiding young adults in honing their self-confidence, challenging societal conventions, and crafting a strategic roadmap towards the fulfilling lives they envision.
Do you need a dynamic speaker, or want to learn more about Eden’s programs? Click here: https://bit.ly/EdenGold.
Mental Wellness Mastery: Mental Health Expert Dr Marlon Gray Of Empower U On Everyday Life Hacks… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.