Mental Wellness Mastery: Mental Health Expert Zenobia Domingo Of Domingo Psychology On Everyday Life Hacks For Optimal Mental Wellness
An Interview With Eden Gold
Get curious. Develop a sense of curiosity about yourself. Use this curiosity to nurture self-awareness. This is an important skill. Self-awareness is the precursor to emotional intelligence and emotional intelligence is a precursor to mental wellness. Notice your thoughts, your emotions, how you behavior, how you cope with stress. Where are your blind spots? What are your strengths? Really get to know yourself. And then take responsibility for your life and avoid the blame game. Somethings might not have been your fault, but your wellbeing is still your responsibility.
In our modern, fast-paced society, mental wellness is a crucial aspect of leading a fulfilling life. However, for many people, achieving and maintaining good mental health can be a challenging task, with obstacles such as stress, anxiety, depression, and more. That’s why it’s essential to have practical and accessible strategies for mental wellness that can help build resilience, emotional intelligence, and overall well-being. As part of this series, we had the pleasure of interviewing Zenobia Domingo.
Zenobia is a dynamic, forward-thinking Counselling Psychologist, Educator, and committed Mental Health Advocate. She has worked in the U.K and Australia delivering holistic, grass-roots interventions to people from all walks of life. With over 20 years of experience, Zenobia is a mentor and leader in the areas of emotional dysregulation, cross-cultural psychology and the psychology of living in the digital age. She is currently developing an online school to make mental health information more accessible. Her work can be found at www.domingopsychology.com.au.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series. Before we dive into our discussion about Mental Wellness Life Hacks, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you share with us the backstory about what brought you to your specific career path?
Like a lot of people, my childhood played a huge part in my career choice. My family left Johannesburg, South Africa, where I was born, to escape the apartheid regime. We immigrated to Australia when I was very young, and joined a small community of South Africans trying to make a new life. Race was always a hot topic amongst us.
I was very aware of the color of my skin; what implications it had on the opportunities that I would have missed had we stayed in South Africa. I would think about where I came from, where my ancestors came from, what hardships they had to go through under apartheid and throughout South Africa’s colonial l history. I would compare my life in Australia to the lives of those still in South Africa and feel a mixture of grief and gratitude. I think this all had a lot to do with me choosing psychology.
My father was a very spiritual man. We discussed spirituality, the ego, transcending suffering, all very deep and meaningful! I became interested in a lot of esoteric stuff; astrology, the counter culture movement of the 60’s, feminism, environmentalism, mysticism, alternative lifestyles. I was a little hippie in the making. My family was also quite political, so there was always talk about the latest in world news and so on.
I guess it followed naturally that I was interested in people, cultures and all of our shared struggles. My favorite subjects at school were history and human biology. I kept a journal and wrote poetry (not very good poetry, but poetry nonetheless!) trying to figure all this stuff out. To me psychology has always been a unique meeting of science and spirituality, and I find that fascinating.
After I graduated, I went to London on a working holiday and was lucky enough to land a job for a local government as an addiction counsellor for young people between the ages of 12–21. I learnt a great deal in that role. I was then headhunted to become the Lead Practitioner of the Drug and Alcohol strategy for the local borough.
When I returned to Australia, I completed a master’s in counselling psychology. I have worked for a range of government, private and not-for profit organizations; as an addiction counsellor for young people; running programs for men who choose to violence in their relationships; and in general adult psychology. I managed a Psychological Services Team for a not-for profit and worked in schools as a school psychologist as well. After having children, I founded Domingo Psychology and that has been my baby ever since.
All these fantastic opportunities have really been secondary to an irresistible urge to understand people better. And I think this is true for a lot of psychologists out there.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?
Gosh, there so many! But something that has always stuck with me was my very first job as a young person’s substance misuse worker in London. I worked with young people at risk, young offenders, young people in state care, and young people across the span of experimental and dependent substance use.
We secured funding to take a group on a trip to Spain. We stayed at a spiritual retreat in Andalucia. It was located on a large, isolated property in the mountains of the Siera Nevada, about a forty-minute drive from the main town.
Our team consisted of myself, a former boxer who had spent time in prison; a Silat Master and Sufi follower; and two juvenile justice workers. The young people slept in these magnificent hand-made Mongolian yurts. There was a composting toilet (there were no flushable toilets on-site) and limited water for showers. None of the creature comforts from back home.
We toured the area, went to the beaches and all the small towns nearby. We built bonfires, played the drums, tried our hand at archery, went horse riding, practiced Silat (a form of martial arts) and talked for hours late into the night. And of course, there was a lot of informal and formal therapy too.
Most of those young people had never left London. All of them lived in disadvantage. On this trip they were exposed to a different lifestyle and had an opportunity to learn about themselves away from their day-to-day pressures. It was amazing to see their curiosity at seeing a new country, experiencing a new culture. It opened their minds to new possibilities and gave them hope. They grew in confidence and self-esteem. They began to see themselves outside of their entrenched disadvantage.
The relationships that were made on that trip were so special. It certainly moved me, and I know it moved those young people too.
The trip was so successful that we secured funding for two more trips of the same nature, and the intervention was used an example of best practice in youth work amongst our network of youth offending teams.
You are a successful individual. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
I think I have a kind of stubborn determination. When I get an idea or goal into my head, I do not give myself the option of failing, it’s just not going to happen. “I will succeed,” “I will get it done,” “It will work out.” These are like personal mantras. This determination really helped me to open my private practice after I had children. I was blindly sure that I would succeed. I remember people saying, “it’s really hard to open up a clinic on your own,” “you will burn out,” “it’s a big risk”. But I was so determined I just would not believe that it could not be done.
Resilience and seeing challenges as opportunities were important too. You must accept that some things will be tough, but you must try anyway. I can’t be good at everything and that’s ok. (My daughter will profess to this when it comes to her math homework!).
A good work ethic and a love of learning has helped me tremendously. I read a lot about all kinds of things and love to try my hand at different skills. I did a fashion diploma once and I’m trying my hand at growing herbs at the moment. But at the end of the day, it’s hard work that gets things done.
Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the primary focus of our interview about mental wellness mastery. What is one often-overlooked daily habit that can significantly improve one’s mental wellness?
Good sleep hygiene. Sleep is so underrated. It affects your hormones, your blood sugar levels, your mood. When we think about how busy our days are, how hard our bodies must work, how much information our brains have to process, all the micro-decisions we have to make on a daily basis- you can see why sleep is so crucial. A proper amount of good quality sleep is what counts.
Abraham Maslow, the famous humanistic psychologist, puts sleep at the bottom of the ‘Hierarchy of Needs’ for a reason. You can’t move up the hierarchy and attend to other important needs (like social and emotional needs) until you have seen to these base needs first.
Good sleep hygiene is the practice of keeping good habits around sleep. Waking up at the same time every morning, regardless of last night’s bedtime, is one of the best sleep hygiene tips. Going to bed at the same time, having a nighttime ritual or bedtime routine, limiting screen time an hour before bed, even changing into pajamas can signal to our brains that it’s time for sleep. Spending time outside in the sunshine is helpful because it lets your body know that it’s time to be awake. Regular exercise, avoiding naps and limiting caffeine later in the day are also part of good sleep hygiene.
How do you recommend individuals recalibrate their mental wellness after experiencing a significant setback or failure?
Take it slowly. We often want to ‘fix things’ quickly. We want to ‘feel better’ immediately, as though there is a magic cure or silver bullet. This simply does not happen. Unpleasant emotions are part of life, especially during tough times. Notice unpleasant emotions, accept them, listen to what they are trying to tell you, and find strategies to cope and then let them go.
Practice ‘radical acceptance.’ When we accept what we cannot change, we free ourselves from a struggle that cannot be won.
Focus on your self-care, it will act like a salve to the emotional pain. Get adequate rest. Your body will be under an increased amount of rest and will need time to recover.
Spend time outdoors, it’s been shown that this can improve mood.
Speak to someone you trust. Talking through how you feel reduces your burden and helps to make sense of it all.
Reflect on the failure. Is there a lesson that can be learnt? Is there an opportunity to grow or develop as result of the setback? Can you fine tune your plan for next time? Turning challenges into opportunities is an attribute of a growth mindset, which can help shift feelings of failure and boost resilience.
And remind yourself that it will pass.
In your experience, what is a common misconception about mental health that hinders people from seeking help or improving their wellness?
There are so many unfortunately. This is why advocacy is so important.
A common one is “I should be able to handle this on my own.” This is a bad one because it isolates the person suffering and makes it even harder to seek help.
Some other common beliefs are:
“I should be strong enough to deal with this.”
“I don’t want to burden others.”
“This must mean I am weak.”
“What I’m feeling is not that important, it’s no big deal.”
All these misconceptions are born from a simple lack of information. Fortunately, things are changing and there is a movement now to see mental illness in the same light as physical illness. If you have diabetes, you go get treated right? Same thing should apply to mental health. There is no shame in admitting that you are struggling or seeking help. In fact, it is an act of courage, integrity, and self-care.
Can you share a transformative moment or client story that highlights the power of a specific mental wellness strategy?
I don’t think there is one mental wellness strategy that can improve mental health. We are complex creatures living within complex micro and macro systems. Any strategy needs to be holistic and should give thought to the interplay between mind, body, heart, and soul. It should also consider the biological, familial, cultural, social, and political contexts in which we are born and live.
One of my clients grew up in extreme disadvantage. Her mother suffered from a severe mental illness and was very unstable. Her father was unable to cope so her parents divorced. She moved often, changed schools often and never had a chance to establish any healthy support system. There were times when child welfare became involved, and she was nearly taken into state care on multiple occasions.
The relationship between her and her mother was full of conflict. When she hit adolescence, her mother threw her out and she had to live in a caravan at the back of her father’s house while trying to finish high school. She managed to get into university but in the middle of her undergraduate degree her father broke his back and she had to care for him. She barely passed the course and started working in retail to help pay for her father’s mortgage while he was in rehabilitation.
When COVID hit, she lost her job. By this stage she had moved in with her long-term partner and had bought a house. The mortgage needed to be paid. Within two weeks she had found employment. Then her father was diagnosed with late-stage prostate cancer.
Last year she was accepted into university to study nursing. Her partner proposed and they are planning a long engagement and a beautiful weeding. Their relationship is full of mutual respect, empathy and tolerance. She still sees her mother, only when necessary, and every time her feelings of being unlovable and not-good-enough re-surface.
She uses all the skills taught in therapy to manage her day-to-day life and when she fails, she gets back up and tries again. She has created physical and emotional distance between herself and her mother, and has even begun to develop empathy and understanding towards her. She has begun to put herself first and resist the urge to be the ‘carer,’ the ‘fixer.’ She is mindful of her work-life-balance, and can now recognize when it’s time to say no. Her personal boundaries have never been stronger and her ability to regulate stress and unpleasant emotions have improved tremendously. She is so resilient, so determined, so gently unwilling to let life beat her down. I admire and look up to her. But ultimately what I think helped her the most was our relationship, which spanned more than three years.
When I was in training, we spent a lot of time learning different theories and different therapeutic styles and techniques. I was obsessed with learning how to apply everything from Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) to psychodynamic psychotherapy. It was only when we learnt about the importance of the relationship between client and therapist that the penny dropped. Carl Jung, the famous psychoanalyst (Sigmund’s Frued’s colleague and rival) stated it beautifully:
“Know all the theories, master all the techniques, but as you touch a human soul, be just another human soul.”
Based on your experience and research, can you please share “5 Everyday Life Hacks For Optimal Mental Wellness?”
1. Get curious. Develop a sense of curiosity about yourself. Use this curiosity to nurture self-awareness. This is an important skill. Self-awareness is the precursor to emotional intelligence and emotional intelligence is a precursor to mental wellness. Notice your thoughts, your emotions, how you behavior, how you cope with stress. Where are your blind spots? What are your strengths? Really get to know yourself. And then take responsibility for your life and avoid the blame game. Somethings might not have been your fault, but your wellbeing is still your responsibility.
I knew someone who kept dating men who were much older than her. These men would end up being controlling and unavailable in the relationship. She hadn’t figured out that this pattern was a way of re-enacting the relationship she never had with her biological father, who left the family when she was 7 years old. She kept blaming the men for being too busy but would continue to be available to them whenever they needed her. She expected them to make her feel better when she was upset and felt angry when they couldn’t. Soon the relationship would break down and the cycle would repeat. Her lack of self-awareness was keeping her stuck in this unhealthy pattern.
2. Be kind to yourself. Practice self-compassion and gratitude. Give yourself a break, and don’t take everything so seriously. Ask yourself “does it really matter?” Recognize your strengths and make gratitude a daily practice. Question your inner critic, get to know it and challenge it to a healthy debate. When you catch yourself being self-critical, ask yourself “what would I say to a friend right now?” When you are feeling burnt out, stressed or even just a bit flat, practice self-care. I catch myself saying destructive things all the time. My inner critic and I have become great frenemies.
3. Have fun! All work and no play makes for a very dull day! Incorporating pleasant experiences into your life builds emotional muscle for when you are facing hard times. Wear your favorite jeans, eat your favorite food, use the best china. These small indulgences culminate into a life that includes joy and happiness.
4. Keep the basics in check. The great psychologist Marsha Linehan calls this the PLEASE skill:
treat Pain and physical iLlness.
Eat a balanced diet and in a balanced way
Avoid alcohol and other drug use.
Sleep in a balanced way- a tired person is a cranky person.
Exercise in a balanced way- not too little, not too much-look after your body.
Doing this will help prevent most mental health problems.
5. Nurture your relationships and connections. Go for quality over quantity. We all need to feel as though we belong, that we are loved and accepted. Learn the skills of effective communication, personal boundary setting and work on your capacity for empathy. Share your love generously by giving back to community. This gives us hope and meaning and is an anecdote to nihilism, a dangerous and seductive cop-out.
What role does technology play in mental wellness today, and how can individuals leverage it positively without exacerbating mental health issues?
Technology is a double-edged sword when it comes to mental health. There are certainly pros and cons. What’s important is moderation, a little bit of everything, and everything a little bit.
When used without caution, technology has the potential to cause significant psychological harm. From loneliness and isolation to low self-esteem, body dysmorphia, eating disorders, sleep issues, even physical health problems. The other side of this is potential exposure to bullying and harassment. These can be debilitating and even fatal if kept hidden.
But when used mindfully and in moderation technology can also be beneficial to mental health. There are so many great apps out there, developed by reputable people with real credentials, that can help with anxiety, depression, stress, tracking mood, tracking sleep. The internet is full of amazing websites and blogs offering self-help materials and educational resources, making mental health information more accessible.
Social media can be a medium for accessing quality information from reputable experts. It can connect us with others that have similar interests and experiences, acting as a source of validation. Social media has also been a powerful force in reducing stigma and championing the importance of good mental health. The benefits of this cannot be overstated.
As we’ve become a global society, technology has made it easier for us to stay in touch with loved ones overseas. Online communities can offer friendship and support. COVID introduced us to online therapy and telehealth, improving accessibility and convenience. This was a great thing!
Unfortunately, though, it is still extremely important to fact check a lot of stuff out there. There is a lot of ‘pop psychology’ content surfacing all over the place and this isn’t helpful. If you want to follow or subscribe to anyone, check their credentials first.
And of course, take a break from technology if you need to. A digital detox can bring you back into your life and remind you to live mindfully in the here and now. Be sure to maintain an active healthy lifestyle that incorporates movement, exercise, and time outdoors.
It’s also important to remember that social media isn’t therapy. There is no substitute for the real thing.
So having a healthy but mindful approach to technology and knowing your limits is what’s needed.
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
I really like the idea of bridging the gap between success and opportunity. This is the type of movement I would like to start. A movement where we value people, culture, and our planet over wealth and status. Where we find ways to connect people from all walks of life to share wisdom and skills as a means of improving our shared humanity. A platform to share resources and create lasting connections. Where mentors, donors and leaders can link up with those at the other end of success to foster the transfer of wisdom and resources and to create community. I think that would amazing.
How can our readers further follow you online?
LinkedIn www.linkedin.com/in/zenobia-domingo
Instagram www.instagram.com/domingopsychology
Facebook www.facebook.com/domingopsychology
Thank you for the time you spent sharing these fantastic insights. We wish you only continued success in your great work!
About The Interviewer: Eden Gold, is a youth speaker, keynote speaker, founder of the online program Life After High School, and host of the Real Life Adulting Podcast. Being America’s rising force for positive change, Eden is a catalyst for change in shaping the future of education. With a lifelong mission of impacting the lives of 1 billion young adults, Eden serves as a practical guide, aiding young adults in honing their self-confidence, challenging societal conventions, and crafting a strategic roadmap towards the fulfilling lives they envision.
Do you need a dynamic speaker, or want to learn more about Eden’s programs? Click here: https://bit.ly/EdenGold
Mental Wellness Mastery: Mental Health Expert Zenobia Domingo Of Domingo Psychology On Everyday… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.