Mental Wellness Mastery: Mental Health Expert Kristina Villarini Of The Empathetic Leader On Everyday Life Hacks For Optimal Mental Wellness
An Interview With Eden Gold
Take a walk — Steve Jobs had his walking one-on-one meetings, and this is a form of that idea. What you’re trying to do is think clearly or walk away from the thing that is stumping you. There is inspiration in everything. Some of my best work is away from the office or screen, looking at the world, feeling inspired and energized by everything around me.
In our modern, fast-paced society, mental wellness is a crucial aspect of leading a fulfilling life. However, for many people, achieving and maintaining good mental health can be a challenging task, with obstacles such as stress, anxiety, depression, and more. That’s why it’s essential to have practical and accessible strategies for mental wellness that can help build resilience, emotional intelligence, and overall well-being. As part of this series, we had the pleasure of interviewing Kristina Villarini.
Kristina Villarini is the founder of The Empathetic Leader. Kristina is an Executive Leadership Coach, who has dedicated her career to the belief that exceptional leaders inspire and empower individuals to reach their highest potential. With over 15 years of experience as an award-winning digital marketing executive, she has successfully recruited and managed teams across diverse industries, from nonprofits to tech to manufacturing. Kristina is passionate about challenging the misconception that empathy in leadership equates to weakness or a lack of accountability. She firmly believes that empathy is a powerful strategy for fostering team excellence and rejects the false narrative that perpetuates otherwise.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series. Before we dive into our discussion about cultural sensitivity, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you share with us the backstory about what brought you to your specific career path?
Thanks a bunch for having me and for discussing this important topic.
I have spent 15+ years in the digital marketing space across the nonprofit, consulting, entertainment, and financial services industries. Across each field, I found a lack of consistency across leadership, including a difficulty with emotional intelligence and a struggle to implement true accountability — that kind that managers and employees alike can appreciate and honor.
Management has never been one size fits all, but there are certain “core values” that make some people better at it than others. In our post-pandemic world, with remote work exploding in popularity and a new generation of employees in the workforce who are less interested in management than ever before, it is crucial we develop a new way to build and inspire leaders in our workplaces. At the Empathetic Leader, we aim to help cultivate a new brand of leadership built on accountability and empathy.
Can you share the most interesting story that happened to you since you started your career?
As a manager, I had a team of women and non-binary individuals on my staff. We were covering a particularly terrible news cycle: 10 to 12-hour days, a lot of triggering statements and divisive rhetoric over a few weeks. Each individual shared that while the experience was negative and challenging, they felt it was important to show up and represent the truth or that moment objectively. Basically, they overperformed during the most stressful moment of their professional lives. We went on to win a few awards for our work during that period, and I could not have been prouder. As I’ve looked back at that period, and encountered more leaders in different industries, the notion that “younger people” don’t want to work (or are unwilling to) do hard things is false. I now know they may not want to do hard things for people that they think don’t give a crap about them.
You are a successful individual. Which three character traits do you think were most instrumental to your success? Can you please share a story or example for each?
Thanks for saying that. I was always curious, which reduced the need to be competitive with everyone. I had a developer who taught me how to do basic HTML and eventually he stopped coming to work, so I was able to keep things going after he left. Then, I try to be as helpful as possible, which serves 2 purposes: one, I know what’s going on, and two, I can connect people (and be connected to individuals) who also need to know what’s going on. And three, I find joy in problem solving — whether it’s my way or someone else’s. Now, we help people reframe their problems into opportunities.
Ok, thank you for that. Let’s now jump to the primary focus of our interview about mental wellness mastery. What is one often overlooked daily habit that can significantly improve one’s mental wellness?
People think that mastery comes from large quantities of exposure, expertise, and repetition, but that can be intimidating. When we are beginning, we must focus on forward movement which eventually becomes momentum. Those first steps are crucial — you must start and see yourself starting.
Think about the small victories that will put you in a position to seize that moment — whether it is the meditative quality of grinding the coffee every morning that powers you into the shower or making the bed after you get out of it. There are small wins in everything — in setting an alarm so that you know you have 30 minutes between calls to take a walk or stretch. There’s a habit waiting for you under before the “actual” execution. You need a foundation to build the house on.
How do you recommend individuals recalibrate their mental wellness after experiencing a significant setback or failure?
There are multiple perspectives someone should have when they’re experiencing failure and all the feelings related to it, because it’s not just failure, is it? It’s all the things wrapped in failure: it’s disappointing others and yourself, not living up to expectations. It’s prepping for weeks, only to receive a crippling rejection. It’s saying the wrong thing at the worst possible time. It’s all those moments, that are just life, that we reclassify as life or death.
So, when we are recalibrating, which is really reframing and working on someone’s mental state, we are trying to build the resilience and confidence around their decision-making. It’s not that the bad thing happened, it’s what do we do after the bad thing, that separates the people who ultimately find success versus those who do not. How much sadness and grief do you need to sit in before you can pivot? The people who are successful can recover quickly and do not grieve for longer than they’re rebuilding. It’s not that they want something bad to happen, they’re just prepared should it happen.
In your experience, what is a common misconception about mental health that hinders people from seeking help or improving their wellness?
There is still a shame around mental health, both from the personal and professional arenas. When we frame it as “optimization,” like a cold plunge, sauna or cryotherapy, people are bought in. But when you talk about “healing from trauma,” for some reason that is not considered relational to your success as a person or a leader. It’s bizarre. But also, mental health is not considered a serious impediment. It’s perceived as “they’re just sad” when someone is hurting or suffering and many times, people do that in silence. People still expect individuals to be able to deal with that while they’re juggling everything else. Mental health challenges impact significant decision-making ability across other areas of people’s lives, like learning how to trust yourself and forgive. These issues should be taken seriously.
Can you share a transformative moment or client story that highlights the power of a specific mental wellness strategy?
We create boundaries around our coaching and mental health (for ex. therapy) because the reasons you need either are oftentimes very different, and I know my limits! I am a doctor of productivity and self-awareness, not of psychology.
Gratitude and being generous is probably tied for the number one practice for me because it is the best way to remember what you have and the things that really matter. It really does shift someone’s energy to see life from a position of appreciation and positivity. We all have moments that will pass, but feel like the worst thing ever when we are in it, like not getting a deal or having an argument with your spouse.
Like most coaches, our first clients are ourselves. And the practice of gratitude has been a great lever for grounding myself when life gets spicy.
Based on your experience and research, can you please share “5 Everyday Life Hacks for Optimal Mental Wellness?”
1 . Take a walk — Steve Jobs had his walking one-on-one meetings, and this is a form of that idea. What you’re trying to do is think clearly or walk away from the thing that is stumping you. There is inspiration in everything. Some of my best work is away from the office or screen, looking at the world, feeling inspired and energized by everything around me.
2 . Practice gratitude — One of the first things I ask a new client or potential client is, what is your gratitude practice? And that may be as simple as saying grace before dinner or going through the best part of your day/something you’re grateful for with your partner before bed. But if someone doesn’t have one, I tell them to get one. I am very intentional when I say “thank you” and “have a great day” to someone. Be present.
3 . Journaling — You’ve got to find a way to express yourself, outside of the physical (like working out). All the scary, confused stories you tell yourself, this is where that goes: all of the fears, dreams, and hopes. Journaling is not the same as manifesting, but you can manifest through your journal practice.
4 . Working out — Fitness is a way to lose and find yourself. The act of tearing your muscles down to rebuild them, is literally the act of becoming resilient: suffering, feeling pain, and growing from that. The two are intrinsically linked.
5 . Meditation — I have practiced transcendental meditation for almost a decade. It’s a powerful force for navigating the numerous thoughts and distractions we encounter. One thing people tend to get incorrect: the goal of meditation isn’t to be free of thought, it’s to be able to focus, for even a few precious moments.
What role does technology play in mental wellness today, and how can individuals leverage it positively without exacerbating mental health issues?
There are way smarter folks than I who have hacked the phone thing, right? They have turned the colors off, they’ve turned notifications off, like badges or banners — they have basically de-gamified it. I do believe that having a healthy relationship with your phone is one of the major keys to improving your mental health. The best way to make it work is to be disciplined in how you use it and why. It’s a tool like anything else.
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
That’s the point of our work building better leaders — reminding others that you don’t have to be a “boss” to be a leader, and if you don’t see any “leaders” around, that means it’s your job to step up and guide people to do what’s right. You have influence everywhere; power dynamics are everywhere. Even if you don’t feel like it, you do have influence in your own life and your behaviors impact others. I would encourage people to do good: volunteer, donate to a charity or even mentor someone else. There is good in all of us that is worth sharing.
How can our readers further follow you online?
I am currently most active on Facebook. But if they want to have a conversation, they should reach out: support@theempatheticleader.com.
Thank you for the time you spent sharing these fantastic insights. We wish you only continued success in your great work!
About The Interviewer: Eden Gold, is a youth speaker, keynote speaker, founder of the online program Life After High School, and host of the Real Life Adulting Podcast. Being America’s rising force for positive change, Eden is a catalyst for change in shaping the future of education. With a lifelong mission of impacting the lives of 1 billion young adults, Eden serves as a practical guide, aiding young adults in honing their self-confidence, challenging societal conventions, and crafting a strategic roadmap towards the fulfilling lives they envision.
Do you need a dynamic speaker, or want to learn more about Eden’s programs? Click here: https://bit.ly/EdenGold
Mental Wellness Mastery: Mental Health Expert Kristina Villarini Of The Empathetic Leader On… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.