I Can’t Get No Satisfaction: Daniel Wysocki Of Wysocki Psychological Services On Why So Many Of Us Are Feeling Unsatisfied & What We Can Do About It
An Interview With Drew Gerber
Self — Soothing: If you begin to feel the ache of discontent, participate in activity, or experience you find relaxing and satisfying. It is very difficult to avoid feelings, we need to take alternative actions. It is difficult to be stressed and upset when you are amid your favorite past time.
From an objective standpoint, we are living in an unprecedented era of abundance. Yet so many of us are feeling unsatisfied. Why are we seemingly so insatiable? What is going on inside of us that is making us feel unsatisfied? What is the brain chemistry that makes us feel this way? Is our brain wired for endless insatiable consumption? What can we do about it? In this interview series, we are talking to credentialed experts such as psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, brain science experts, as well as spiritual and religious leaders, and mind-body-spirit coaches, to address why so many of us are feeling unsatisfied & what we can do about it.
As a part of this series, I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing Daniel Wysocki Ed.S.
Daniel Wysocki, Ed.S. is a psychological board-certified therapist and has worked in mental health for ten years with children, teens, and adults. He provides counseling services using a combination of professional experience and well-respected therapeutic techniques. He has established his own practice, Wysocki Psychological Services, and is passionate about his work.
Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive in, our readers would love to know how you got from “there to here.” Inspire us with your backstory!
Thank you for having me. I did not follow a direct path to my current career as a therapist and psychological examiner. When I entered school, I knew I possessed creativity, and I was motivated to become a writer. I also had no idea how to become a writer. I elected to take English courses until Psychology piqued my interest. I changed to an English minor and graduated college from Arkansas State University with my Bachelor’s in Psychology in 2007.
During college, I was employed full-time and working my up within a Fortune 500 company. After graduating, I turned my hard work into a promotion and became part of a management team. But my term as a manager was short-lived. My entrepreneurial creative spirit clashed with corporate culture. It was frowned upon to create your own marketing strategies or create novel displays. I knew I needed to find something that was the right fit.
I returned to Arkansas State University enrolling in graduate school and working full-time to meet my financial obligations. I would complete classes toward my Ed.S. Degree in Psychology & Counseling during the day, and then I would work as an institutional services assistant at night. There were several times when I was not sure if I would be able to get my academic assignments and work completed, but my employer was accommodating, and my professors were kind.
What lessons would you share with yourself if you had the opportunity to meet your younger self?
I would teach my younger self about the importance of relationships. It took a long time to learn we have a relationship with every person that enters our life, and we should be aware of that relationship. I would encourage my younger self to be more curious about people in his life. I think there were missed friendships and even mentorships that could have made life much easier and vibrant had I been an active participant. None of us can experience success without support along the way.
Is there a particular person for whom you are grateful because of the support they gave you to grow you from “there to here?” Can you share that story and why you are grateful for them?
This is a great question. When I started Wysocki Psychological Services, I was blessed with the support of my wife. There were many late nights and wild ideas about each detail involving opening the doors, and she was willing to listen. I remember we were laying in bed, it could have been after midnight, and I decided to change the business name and focus. She was supportive and provided the motivation to work my way back through the red tape of an entire re-branding a few days before I was set to start seeing clients.
I am also grateful to opportunity. I believe there are so many very talented people that do not find success because the right door has not been opened for them. Hard work can go a long way, but I am humble enough to know I could not have made it from there to here without their support.
I have two people that stand out as being able to provide those opportunities. The first is Dr. John D. Hall at Arkansas State University. Dr. Hall picked up the phone when I called to seek admission to the Arkansas State University School Psychology program. He spoke kindly to me and took his time to explain the benefit of an advanced degree. If he had not been over the program and approved my admission I cannot say where my life would have led. He also provided a movie catchphrase that I always think of when I try to take on too much work, “A man’s got to know his limitations.”
The second is Dr. Daniel Gilchrist. He provided my clinical supervision and, later, would offer me the opportunity to work along side of him at his practice. Dr. Gilchrist trained me to be detail-oriented and curious. He could have easily declined my request for him to be my supervisor, but he was willing to take the time out of his schedule to teach an inexperienced therapist how to help.
Are you working on any exciting new projects now? How do you think it might help people?
Yes! Thank you for asking. Right now, I am focused on increasing inclusive diagnostic certainty. This is an important topic because some of the tools being used in the field of psychology have not had their normative samples updated since the 1990’s. This means we are comparing a present measure of performance to someone from at least thirty years ago, and many of these samples consisted of only persons of Caucasian ethnicity. This project has huge implications into how we can reduce bias findings and promote gender and cultural inclusivity.
Ok, thank you for sharing your inspired life. Let’s now talk about feeling “unsatisfied”. In the Western world, humans typically have their shelter, food, and survival needs met. What has led to us feeling we aren’t enough and don’t have enough? What is the wiring? Or in other words, how has nature and nurture played into how humans (in an otherwise “safe and secure” environment) experience feeling less than, or a need to have more than what is needed for basic survival?
We are naturally driven to want more, and in most cases this motivation has enabled our survival. However, our access to boundless manipulated media has misconfigured our inertia to move toward irrational goals. No wonder so many people feel lost and unsatisfied. Day-after-day clients enter my office feeling emotionally numb and unable to feel something even resembling happiness. They may have their survival needs met, but the underlying drive to achieve is being pushed to unachievable limits, and this creates crisis.
How are societies different? For example, capitalistic societies trade differently than communists. Developed nations trade differently than developing nations. In your opinion, how does society shape a human’s experience and feelings of satisfaction?
A long time ago, a developing nation could not have had the breadth of resources for its citizens to create as many chances to see themselves as poorer than their peer. Even this has changed with the advent of social media. As more and more nations gain access to high-speed internet it’s become the grass is greener on the other side of the world. Society impacts all of us since we are always influenced by our personal environments, but that continues to fall away as more nations come online. We begin to see nations influencing each other even from thousands of miles away. These nations are then exposed to the ideas and beliefs that can lead to dissatisfaction.
I would like to make sure that we know dissatisfaction is an important motivator. Some of our greatest achievements as a society were met through not being satisfied. We need to be challenged and feel uncomfortable. We need to trade ideas and beliefs so we can move toward what can alleviate our unhappiness.
With a specific focus on brain function, how has the brain and its dominion over the body and beliefs been impacted by the societal construct?
Believing in unachievable social media standards is impacting our reward sensitivity and judgement. It is paralyzing our brains reward center from accepting we have positive achievements and desensitizing our brains to what is possible. We have become insatiable comparison critics.
Do you think the way our society markets and advertises goods and services, has affected people’s feelings of satisfaction? Can you explain what you mean?
Yes! Marketing often creates mental confusion and crisis. The car commercial with the happy family in the new SUV, or the new jeans leading to improved body image. Marketing creates mental associations but neurochemistry, and electric impulses do the rest. You are now likely to associate that new car with happiness. There is a reason they do not show an SUV with two screaming kids, ketchup smeared on the dash, and a crying parent.
A more covert type of marketing affecting people’s feelings of satisfaction is the social media scroll. Did you ever wonder how those ads end up being so effective?
It’s a case of classical condition. You pair something that makes people satisfied or happy, maybe a picture of their family, and immediately show an ad. Eventually those happy feelings are now connected to those brand-new shoes, due to a learned conditioned response. See how easily we can get confused in our feelings of satisfaction, and it happens all day every day. No wonder we’re having such a hard time finding satisfaction. We’re training ourselves to be made happy by whatever is placed in front of our face next.
How is the wiring of the brain, body, and beliefs shaped by marketing, language, and how humans trade?
We are reshaping and pruning pathways in our brain every day. It is impacted by the status and values provided within society and I think the big word impacting marketing, language and how humans trade is globalization. We are now exposing our brain to extremes never thought possible and this creates disruption in our brain’s reward pathways. A process called downregulation causes a drop in the number of dopamine receptors in the brain that becomes more severe and pervasive as we consistently exposure ourselves to things that light up the reward centers of our brain. This reduces our ability to feel rewarded without more extreme exposure. The brain is wired to this desensitization process, and it is complicated and nuanced, but we can easily see the effects by how quickly trends and tastes change.
I work in marketing so I’m very cognizant of this question. In your opinion, how do you think marketing professionals can be more responsible for how their advertising shapes humans’ health and experience of happiness overall?
If marketing professionals were interested in being more responsible, I would encourage greater use of disclaimers across the advertising industry. Ads are promoting a false reality, and unfortunately our brains on a subconscious level cannot always decipher what is real. I can give a short example. If you pause for a moment and think about your favorite food, and really take the time to imagine it. You could get hungry, or your mouth might water. You have just tricked your brain, it’s really that easy. Responsible ads could include a notice that indicates a constant graphic that displays the words advertisement. It may seem trivial but remember how easily that imaginative thought exercise cued up physical changes in your body. This slight change could create a difference in our advertising perception.
For you personally, if you have all your basic needs met, do you feel you have enough in life?
I am grateful to have all my basic needs met. I do not feel I have enough in life. I want to continue sharing my thoughts about psychology, care for my family, and pursue my passions. I want people to know satisfaction or having enough does not mean you have to lead a possession-less lifestyle. It means having balance. You can set goals to obtain things you do not have, but there could be acceptance you may not obtain them. Satisfaction and dissatisfaction can co-exist.
Okay, fantastic. Here is the main question of our interview: Can you share with our readers your “5 things we can each do to address the feeling of not having enough.” Please share a story or example for each.
Here’s what I rely on when I begin to feel unsatisfied. I’ll start with some of the more straightforward solutions and move into some that may require slightly more introspection.
- Self — Soothing: If you begin to feel the ache of discontent, participate in activity, or experience you find relaxing and satisfying. It is very difficult to avoid feelings, we need to take alternative actions. It is difficult to be stressed and upset when you are amid your favorite past time.
- Mindfulness: Focusing on the future can intensity feelings of discontent. Staying in the present moment is a solution to extinguishing these feelings. You want to only focus on your present moment. There is no future, and there is no past, only your current experience. This allows us to move toward non — judgmental observations of ourselves and others.
- Introspection: If your inability to feel satisfied is old or a result of the times, the same treatment steps are effective. Emotions are natural and they are meant to guide, but not decide. We see, hear, and we also feel. What is the action your urge of dissatisfaction is moving you toward. You may not be satisfied because you need to make a change. We need to listen to our body and sometimes we can find the answers within.
- Defusion: This involves detaching from our negative thoughts and beliefs. This is achieved through thoughtful self-exploration with questions such as, “What is this thought in service of?” or, “And how has that thought worked for me?” We want to gain an objective perspective so thoughts of satisfaction can be viewed as helpful motivations and not dead-end solutions.
- Life Meaning: What are your values? Take some time and identify your values and then set goals. Write down, in an organized manner, the domains of your life that are important. Set waypoint goals moving toward these values. A great tip is to make a list of over 100 values. Most people I meet with will list the same 5–10 vague values such as finances, family, friends, but we really start to find some unique and personal core values once we get past about the first twenty.
Do you have any favorite books, podcasts, or resources that have inspired you to live with more joy in life?
I am always looking for books that can change my perspectives or increase my understanding. I have recently read through the book Think by Simon Blackburn and The Complete Poetry by Maya Angelou. Both have inspired me to be more aware of my own perceptions and seek daily sources of joy.
You are a person of great influence. If you could start a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger. 🙂
I would encourage everyone to be aware of the content they are sharing online. Social media is one of the most powerful tools available to promote change and encourage awareness of social issues. Our children are especially sensitive due to them still developing critical thinking skills. I would hope people with a large amount of influence would promote ideas that can benefit our children and reduce the number of unrealistic expectations spread online.
What is the best way for our readers to continue to follow your work online?
I write a monthly article on https://wpsychservice.com/articles. This is where I compile my opinions, thoughts, and try to provide helpful information for those seeking mental health guidance, or you can follow me on Facebook.
This was very inspiring. Thank you so much for the time you spent on this. We wish you only continued success.
About The Interviewer: For 30 years, Drew Gerber has been inspiring those who want to change the world. Drew is the CEO of Wasabi Publicity, Inc., a full-service PR agency lauded by PR Week and Good Morning America. Wasabi Publicity, Inc. is a global marketing company that supports industry leaders, change agents, unconventional thinkers, companies and organizations that strive to make a difference. Whether it’s branding, traditional PR or social media marketing, every campaign is instilled with passion, creativity and brilliance to powerfully tell their clients’ story and amplify their intentions in the world. Schedule a free consultation at WasabiPublicity.com/Choosing-Publicity
I Can’t Get No Satisfaction: Daniel Wysocki Of Wysocki Psychological Services On Why So Many Of Us… was originally published in Authority Magazine on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.